View Full Version : OT -New ATM Procedures

08-31-2005, 10:24 AM
After months of painstaking research, Male and Female procedures have been developed for ATM machines. Please follow the appropriate procedure for your gender:

Male Procedure:
1. Drive up to the cash machine
2. Put down your car window
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt
6. Put window up
7. Drive away

Female Procedure:
1. Drive up to cash machine
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine
3. Set Parking brake, put the window down
4. Find Handbag, remove all contents on the passenger seat to locate card
5. Tell person on cellphone you will call them back and hang up
6. Attempt to insert card into machine
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car
8. Insert card
9. Withdraw card and insert right way up
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside of the back page
11. Enter PIN
12. Press cancel and re-enter the correct PIN
13. Enter the amount of cash required
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror
15. Retrieve cash and receipt
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place the cash inside
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook
18. Re-check makeup
19. Drive forward 2 feet
20. Reverse back to cash machine
21. Retrieve card
22. Re-empty handbag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you
24. Restart stalled engine and pull away
25. Redial person on cell phone
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles
27. Release parking brake.

If this offends any women, I apologize. I thought about re-writing it for absent-minded professors (very similar!), but to hell with being politically correct.

08-31-2005, 11:08 AM
Hey look!.. something shiny.. I gotta go..