One little old lady

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  • Norman Atkinson

    One little old lady

    It's almost Christmas and time to buy millions of stamps at my local Post Office.
    We were discussing the recent perils faced by the firefighters tackling the fuel fires North of London. Our thoughts were with them and we were swopping yarns of how Britain's sugar supply for the month had gone up in falmes in a German air raid and how toffee was emerging into the nearby street.

    A little old lady in an equally ancient sheepskin jacket pulled me to one side. "I must tell someone" getting more and more excited as jumped to almost two inches off the ground. " You look nice and honest" Poor soul, needs new specs, I thought.
    " I have just won half a million pounds"
    She lives alone with no family here.
    Her sister lives in Australia with her two daughters.

    How wonderful to think what a Christmas she will be bringing them.

    Norman

    [This message has been edited by NORMAN ATKINSON (edited 12-14-2005).]
  • malbenbut
    Senior Member
    • Nov 2005
    • 650

    #2
    Report her to matron she will give her daily medication

    Comment

    • Norman Atkinson

      #3
      M,

      My profile says Model Engineering, Tools and Retired.

      It doesn't give any indication of how to establish whether an old dearie is telling lies or the truth. The first test was to establish how well she and Matron knew each other! Learning how to make the other tests took rather longer than I have known Matron.
      After all, half a million is only a decent average house around here. You have to be nuts to pay it, but one does! The pigeons are free.

      Norm


      Comment

      • madman
        Senior Member
        • Sep 2004
        • 3211

        #4
        Norman marry that old bag,. Make love to her till she passes out and then cook her breakfeast afterwards. Get her money and build a nice machine shop for yourself to play in. With a nice beer fridge and bar. Dont forget the pool tables and dart boards. Also the raised dancing platform and pole for your new employees who will be working naked and have big gazoombas. Yeah Hah party time boys, Giddeup.

        Comment

        • Norman Atkinson

          #5
          It's the full moon, folks!
          Last night, I won the raffle.
          Whilst my little old lady had odds of one in half a million or worse, mine were only
          small. The prize, incidentally, went back to a childrens charity.

          But, I was in the same place- yet again on or near the full moon. I won another bottle of hooch. So the odds get interesting. The next ticket to be drawn was- also mine. The odds- are-well I cannot guess. The next ticket was also mine- and the risk of not only being blackballed was minimal to entire extermination! Two of the three bottles went back. Last year, I was invited to another Charity dinner. It was Rotary for disabled young athletes. I'm terribly deaf, my table was far away from the top table. I was nudged- and had won the star prize! I gave the substantial prize back. Again, it was on the almost on the full moon.
          I should add that four years ago, my wife emerged from a car smash- which we shouldn't have survived. Again, almost on the Full Moon!

          Well, are there any explanations?
          PS I have just bought my next set of raffle tickets for the same place- and hope that I don't win.
          PPS. Sorry, Madman,there is such a thing as the feeding the hospital cat. I'm not all there any more- We know- We know!

          Norman

          [This message has been edited by NORMAN ATKINSON (edited 12-15-2005).]

          Comment

          • thistle
            Senior Member
            • Mar 2003
            • 1216

            #6
            madman,
            500,000 sterling will only get you an
            outhouse like John Stevensons and 1/2 a tank of petrol in the UK.

            Comment

            • Mcgyver
              Senior Member
              • Mar 2005
              • 13403

              #7
              madman lol, you continue to crack me up. don't stop.
              located in Toronto Ontario

              Comment

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