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Alistair Hosie
12-23-2005, 12:04 PM
An old lady who was totaly nude got into a taxi and asked the driver to take her home as it was 2 am in the morning.As the taxi driver was driving along he suddenly looks in his mirror and realises she is in the nuddie no bag purse or anything he thinks how is she going to pay for the fare.He asks her this directly to which she spreads her knees and asks if the fare can't be taked form here she points between her legs.The btaxi driver says yeh I suppose so then thoughtfully adds have you nothing a little smaller http://bbs.homeshopmachinist.net//biggrin.gifAlistair ooh ooh that's me off the board.Neil Thrud put me up to it honest http://bbs.homeshopmachinist.net//biggrin.gif http://bbs.homeshopmachinist.net//biggrin.gif

Norman Atkinson
12-23-2005, 01:17 PM
Alistair- Och, it's gruesome! And if Thrud put you up to it- I am delighted to learn that he is up -and about- again.

I am glad that he is being a -useful member.

And that's me off-as well!Sorry, Kneel(sp) in my apologies! Tee, hee!

Norm

Alistair Hosie
12-23-2005, 04:37 PM
Norm I phoned him a few days ago he is doing as well as can be expected but more tests to do his sight has improved no end since his cataract operation take care my dearest old friend your pal Alistair

Norman Atkinson
12-23-2005, 04:49 PM
Alistair,
I'll see you in Hell now!

Norm

Norman Atkinson
12-23-2005, 05:17 PM
Just in case you think Alistair and I are sworn enemies, there is nothing that I wouldn't do for him- and there is nothing that he wouldn't do for me.
That's the way it is-
Doing Nothing for Each Other!

Norm

PS
Nite- fiend- sorry, Friend
N.

Alistair Hosie
12-23-2005, 05:33 PM
Typical http://bbs.homeshopmachinist.net//biggrin.gifAlistair p.s. hows the funny handshakes doing http://bbs.homeshopmachinist.net//biggrin.gif

Boomer
12-23-2005, 05:41 PM
2 am in the morning....yes well, I guess it would be...

speedy
12-23-2005, 06:05 PM
Not a hijack, more like getting into the taxi with Alistair.It`s probably an oldy but it had me laughing http://bbs.homeshopmachinist.net//smile.gif

Melbourne Zoo had acquired a female of a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the gorilla became very cantankerous and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the Zoo veterinarian determined the problem.
The gorilla was on heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species available.
While reflecting on their problem, the Zoo management noticed Graham, a big Kiwi lad & former All Black, responsible for fixing the Zoo's machinery.
Graham, like most Kiwis, had little sense, but seemed to be possessed with ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. So the Zoo administrators thought they might have a solution.
Graham was approached with a proposition.
Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500? Graham showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.
The following day, Graham announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions:
"Fust," he said, "I don"t want to have to kuss er."
"Sicondly, you must niver niver tull anyone about thus."
The Zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition.
"Wull," said Graham, "You gotta give me another wik to come up with the $500."

Have a great Christmas everyone!
Ken

rockrat
12-24-2005, 09:04 AM
Ok, I got one for you...

A fella walks into a bar and orders a drink. As he sips his brew, he notices a jar full of money sitting behind the bar near the glasses. There must have been about $4,000 in this jar. His curiosity gets the better of him and he asks the bartender what the jar is all about.

The bartender starts to explain how the money would go to anyone who could accomplish three tasks.

"First," the bartender started, "you need to go over there and take care of that big strapping fellow that is in here every night bullying around my good customers. Since he is the size of a Mack truck, no one wants to mess with him, including me."

The fellow takes a drink of his beer knowing that he really cant do that with out being mashed into a pulp, but continues to listen.

"Next, I have a large pit-bull with a bad tooth and she aint worth being a guard dog if she cant bite. But she is a mean one. I cant get near her and she eats just enough to have the strength to keep me at bay. I hate to see here in pain though, so you'd have to take care of that tooth."

Another sip of the beer disappears as the fellow winces in horror of the thought of the dog.

"Lastly, and most importantly, I have a sister in the back that weighs about 410 and hasn’t had a good luvin' in here life. A bit of the horizontal dance would make her easier to get along with."

The fellow nods his head and slinks off to the end of the bar sorry that he had asked. But as the evening drove on, and the beer flowed, our friend got a dose of liquid courage.


Somehow he managed to stagger over to the large bully and land him with a sucker punch that put the big guy on the floor with every one laughing. As the bully came about, he quickly left out the back door embarrassed that he had surcome to such a small drunk guy.

Walking over to the bar, our drunk shouts at the bartender, "Nuw I gunna finish tis all up un get tat munny"

Then, he pushed the bartender out of the way to get into the back.

All that could be heard is fightn' and screamin', hoopin' and hollarin, barkin' and yelpin'. The bar fell silent... the dog, quiet. Out from the room came our fearless drunk. His pants were ripped, his shirt was torn to shreds and his hair was a mess.

Every one in the bar waited to her how it went. This fellow looked like he was better than half way to the money.

After a short breath, the drunk says...
"Ok... now wher's the womun wit the bad tooth?"


http://bbs.homeshopmachinist.net//biggrin.gif
rock-

[This message has been edited by rockrat (edited 12-24-2005).]