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Hellbender
11-26-2002, 10:34 PM
Economics 101

DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office that put a tax on your
cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.

SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow. On a rumor they force you to kill them all in case they have a disease.

REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM - AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY - AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY - AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops . You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing
expenses. Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch. Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.

FLORIDA CORPORATION: You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking one.

NEW YORK CORPORATION: You have fifteen million cows. You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you pick some fat cow from Arkansas.


I love it! http://bbs.homeshopmachinist.net//biggrin.gif
HB

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NRA Lifetime Member

[This message has been edited by Hellbender (edited 11-27-2002).]

Paul Gauthier
11-27-2002, 06:47 AM
The absolutly best thing I have read in a long time. The author must be a genius. Thanks for the laugh, I can't stop.

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Paul G.

gizmo2
11-27-2002, 08:45 AM
Next election, I'm voting Italian!

lynnl
11-27-2002, 11:20 AM
Surely I must've read that before sometime... it just sounds so darn familiar!!!

jfsmith
11-27-2002, 12:25 PM
Canadian Government - the cows all get pensions and if there is a disagreement, the Prime Minister send in the peace keepers.

Thrud
11-27-2002, 01:02 PM
jfsmith:
Canadian Government - The cows go on a killing rampage and are jailed for life. While in jail the cows get law degrees (no charge) make $17/hr to get milked and don't have to pay taxes. The Cows get angry when they are not allowed to vote. A amendment is passed to allow the Cows their freedom to vote. By now the Cows are making $200,000/year on book rights. The victims of their crimes are, naturally, treated like dirt while the Cows demand conjugal visits. After ten years of their life sentence they are release for "good behaviour", but their cell mates who wrote bad checks are never released as they are apt to repeat their heinous crimes against society. The cows run as Liberal canadates and are elected in a fixed election. After serving 4 years as Liberals and blowing 8 billion dollars in taxpayer's money - that they can't account for, they retire on a $150,000/year tax-free pension. Life is good.

spope14
11-27-2002, 08:22 PM
Heck, I just won an election to be the assistant Mayor of my fair city - really truly. Been in politics elected office for one year now, on the fronge for six or so.

I have to admit, what you say is true.....

Anyone seen my intern?

nheng
11-27-2002, 09:55 PM
Thrud:

CANADIAN GOVERNMENT: one of the cows calls one of the REPUBLICAN cows a moron. CANADIAN cow is put out to pasture. More fodder for Saturday night live.

jfsmith
11-27-2002, 11:01 PM
Anyone seen my intern?

I don't know what does he look like?

Thrud
11-29-2002, 01:30 AM
nheng:
Believe me, after listening to "so called" rational statements about the "Kyoto Accord" from our elected Cows - they have some nerve "calling the kettle black" http://bbs.homeshopmachinist.net//eek.gif

Please invade us. http://bbs.homeshopmachinist.net//biggrin.gif

"Canadian tired of being hosed everytime I twitch" http://bbs.homeshopmachinist.net//mad.gif

jfsmith
11-29-2002, 05:24 PM
Just wait until they send in the Peace Keeping Bulls, the Americans will be knee deep in Bull sh*t, or maybe they are already.

Jerry