View Full Version : My mothers near death encounter

Alistair Hosie
02-21-2003, 10:15 AM
Did I ever tell you about the time my poor old mother lost her dentures in a boiler explosion. She was sailing as skipper of a small fishing vessell known at the time as gloom one morning when it was twenty below she tried to light up the oxy accetaline burner to light a spliff she had just rolled.It was during the war and she had agreed with Churchill to go out with a roll of linoleum painted to look like a cannon and frighten away enemy submarines.When I say enemy I am not talking about the English but the Germans who we were at war with at the time .The oxygen was fine but the acetyline was frozen hard inside the container so she put it into the boiler which was blazing away nicely ,for a few minutes to thaw it out and unfortunately just at that exact moment the little boat was paid a visit by two nice young American Mormons who were on the scout for new souls and they got chatting she just invited them down for a cup of chocolatey stuff as they don't believe in the strentgh of tea and there was a terrible bang and that's how she was able to lose her brand new national health dentures, even though they were held in with the very latest fixative at the time ( a kind of super glue made from dead horses hoofs boiled up and spread evenly with the aid of a putty knife).Funny how life works isn't it .Alistair

02-21-2003, 10:31 AM

My life was so dull before I encountered this website. Please tell me, what brand of tea do you Scots prefer and how do you brew it?

It is the tea that inspires such wonderful stories as this one, no?


02-21-2003, 10:34 AM
You're right Alistair, it is funny. ...good story!

02-21-2003, 11:13 AM

Great to hear from you again, haven't seen you here recently.

Those weren't Mormons! They was german spies sent over by Krupp to find out what quality linoleum you Scots had as you was kicking their butts with it.
With that in mind you should find out her formula and make a pumkin chunkin machine with it. Maybe you could set a new record???? Thrud and I would show up at the world series in Delaware and help you win.


02-21-2003, 12:02 PM
Alistair, is that how you got into the orthodontics business?

Alistair Hosie
02-21-2003, 12:07 PM
Tibertus its the sufferring that counts have you ever experienced Mormon chocolate and they say there's no God hmmmmp.Terrible thing is when she swam back to shore she was arrested. Not being able to speak clearly with her smashed teeth she was mistaked for a nazi and put into an interigation encampment on th small Scottish island of auchenmachschooglwattermahah there was a shortage of steel and the camp was surrounded by only one strand of electrified barbed wire she was a little too fat to go under and too weak after the explosion to go over the wire so she hung about for days clinging to that wire with the remainder of her damaged dentures trying to call out that they not yet paid for , but nobody would listen, Any way I can't say too much about that at the moment as we have been in litigation with the Jimmy Hndrix foundation ever since he stole her new musical idea.Man she could have hit the high notes too if it hadn't been for the restriction of the barbs.

02-21-2003, 12:11 PM
I have the greatest admiration for the sacrifices made by your people during WW II. Your mother's tale is another chapter in that book, and my hat is off to her.
You may mention to her, and others may take note, that to prevent loss of dentures from similar occurrences, I have drilled a small hole through mine to which I have tied a stout cord that I tie around my neck.I have found that this is very effective in preventing loss due to sneezes, boiler explosions and similar day to day misfortunes.
Remember to keep the cord short so that it does not get tangled in the lathe or drill press.

02-21-2003, 02:12 PM
Alistair. Are you having us on?

Al Messer
02-21-2003, 02:34 PM
Naw--of course not!

Alistair Hosie
02-21-2003, 02:42 PM
Rusty would I lie? every word is terewww it is recorded in the merry mac archives,Alistair

02-21-2003, 05:51 PM
Wait a minute...I am mormon....I have never been on a boat....we like to knock on peoples front doors right when they are serving dinner...this story sounds a little suspicious... http://bbs.homeshopmachinist.net//smile.gif


Alistair Hosie
02-21-2003, 06:20 PM
you must never listen to a word the big man says he is a born liar and storyteller what he doesn't know about you he will make up.signed a friend (using his computer while he is in the toilet)bewareI don't even think he's Scottish oops he's coming baccccc ouch

02-21-2003, 07:35 PM
Grandma's maiden name was Stewart, heard many stories about the strange and wonderful things she did as a young girl. After hearing about Alisters mother I guess it was cause of that Scotish bloodline.
She and 2 girl friends drove from NY to the grand canyon in a model T when she was 18. She pasted away after her 100th birthday last year. Was time to go. Grandma had a great Dane that use to answer the door when any mormons or other salesman came to the front door. Lisha stood about 6'2 on her hind legs. Mormons didn't stay for tea.