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winchman
07-10-2008, 01:00 PM
We've a Fisher and Paykel clothes dryer for the past four years. When we moved last fall, the movers did something to upset it, and it's been making an irritating intermittent noise as it runs. I hesitated to take it apart, since I didn't have any info on it.

Several weeks ago, I stopped by the store, and they gave me a parts diagram for the machine. When I got home I slapped the pages down on the dryer, and said, " See this?!! I know all about you now!! The next time you make that stupid noise, I'm going to rip your guts out!!"

It's been running quietly since. :D

Roger

oldtiffie
07-10-2008, 01:07 PM
Thanks Roger.

Bit like showing the rooster the axe isn't it?

A.K. Boomer
07-10-2008, 01:45 PM
Iv been an appliance repairman, a foreign car master mech. for decades, ran a honda motorcycle service department, ran a suzuki service MC department, ran a kawasaki MC service department, built formula V race engines for 7 years, and installed heating and air cond. units --------- i get a "machine" that starts giving me a rough time and I immediately tell it; Thousands have tried, and every single one of them has failed, Its just You and Me --- Now---- who in the hell do you think is going to win:D And then I tell it to "bring it" and then call it a beeaaatch.

I conquered the mighty Mitsubishi, Ill spank the daylights out of anything that comes my way:cool:

So you ask - do i make a habit out of talking to inanimate objects? All the time, sometimes even in my sleep -- im told.:o

dp
07-10-2008, 01:52 PM
Yes - a couple days ago my Harley Road King had a flat tire at 80 mph. I threatened it with a wrecking ball and crusher if it did anything to hurt my wife. It seems to have worked - we ran out of luck at about 30 mph or so when the bead finally let go, and laid it down in the grassy median. I have some sore ribs and stiff joints and can't move about well, but my wife is out in the garden right now transplanting petunias.

The occasional strong word can be a good thing. Should have put in a word for myself, too :(

john hobdeclipe
07-10-2008, 02:00 PM
Words have never worked for me...I've always had to batter them into submission.

bhjones
07-10-2008, 02:05 PM
This one I like. Give the machine an opening and it takes. Did you hear a distant chuckle just before the bead opened up?


Yes - a couple days ago my Harley Road King had a flat tire at 80 mph. I threatened it with a wrecking ball and crusher if it did anything to hurt my wife. It seems to have worked - we ran out of luck at about 30 mph or so when the bead finally let go, and laid it down in the grassy median. I have some sore ribs and stiff joints and can't move about well, but my wife is out in the garden right now transplanting petunias.

The occasional strong word can be a good thing. Should have put in a word for myself, too :(

Evan
07-10-2008, 07:35 PM
I never threaten. This HP computer has never given me another lick of trouble.

http://vts.bc.ca/pics/hp1.jpg

Fasttrack
07-10-2008, 07:56 PM
lol - thats the best looking HP I've ever seen :)

gregl
07-10-2008, 08:13 PM
I just talk to them. My wife calls it "Navy language." Doesn't always work, but I certainly feel better.

Regarding this technique, here are a few thoughts on vocabulary by Mark Twain:

Under certain circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
- Mark Twain, a Biography

The idea that no gentleman ever swears is all wrong. He can swear and still
be a gentleman if he does it in a nice and benevolent and affectionate way.
- Private and Public Morals speech, 1906

When you're mad, count four; when you're very mad, swear! But most of us
don't wait to count four! at least I don't!
- A Lifetime with Mark Twain: The Memories of Katy Leary

Her eyes blazed up, and she jumped for him like a wild-cat, and when she was
done with him she was rags and he wasn't anything but an allegory.
- A Horse's Tale

There ought to be a room in every house to swear in. It's dangerous to have
to repress an emotion like that.
- Mark Twain, a Biography

He didn't utter a word, but he exuded mute blasphemy from every pore.
- Autobiography of Mark Twain, (bowling alley story)

The spirit of wrath and not the words-is the sin; and the spirit of wrath is
cursing. We begin to swear before we can talk.
- Following the Equator

When it comes down to pure ornamental cursing, the native American is gifted
above the sons of men.
- Roughing It

Let us swear while we may, for in Heaven it will not be allowed.
- Notebook, 1898

If I cannot swear in heaven I shall not stay there.
- Notebook, 1898

All through the first ten years of my married life I kept a constant and
discreet watch upon my tongue while in the house, and went outside and to a
distance when circumstances were too much for me and I was obliged to seek
relief. I prized my wife's respect and approval above all the rest of the
human race's respect and approval. I dreaded the day when she should
discover that I was but a whited sepulcher partly freighted with suppressed
language. I was so careful, during ten years, that I had not a doubt that my
suppressions had been successful. Therefore I was quite as happy in my guilt
as I could have been if I had been innocent.
- Mark Twain's Autobiography

I have some new sleeve buttons...beautiful anticussers. You can put them in
and take them out without a change of temper...
- My Father Mark Twain, Clara Clemens

My swearing doesn't mean any more to me than your sermons do to you.
- comment made to Rev. Joe Twichell, quoted in Mark Twain and Hawaii, by
Walter Francis Frear

Frank Ford
07-10-2008, 08:23 PM
I've been torturing the same washer and dryer since I bought them used in 1971. I've made them do daily service, ripped their guts out, did a brain transplant on one, and permanently left their back panels off for easy access to their innards.

Well it finally happened this month. The sheet metal on the dryer rusted out so badly the dang thing couldn't stand on its own any more, and while the washer still washed, its original hoses were starting to deposit black sediment on the whites.

So, in an act of supreme mercy, I let them die. They had previously signed their organ donor cards, so some parts will have another life.

Now two new machines grace the hallowed ground in the basement. While I didn't threaten them, I think might have overheard the delivery guys describing the indignities that had been perpetrated on their predecessors. Of course they might be plotting revenge. They seem uncommonly quiet while they're working. . .

Evan
07-10-2008, 08:45 PM
Profanity is an interesting thing. It isn't processed by the regular speech centers in the brain. In some cases when a person suffers brain damage that affects the speech center causing aphasia, they cannot speak but they can still swear.

oldtiffie
07-10-2008, 10:24 PM
Interestingly though, it has been noticed here that when new immigrants arrive with no or inadequate English, the first words they seem to pick up are the ones that their contemporaries in the work place - particularly shops and building sites - are those which are emphasised/stressed, spoken loudly, vehemently and often.

You guessed it - swear words. Needless to say it has resulted in some "interesting" - and sometimes volatile and often humorous - situations.

But more along the line of the OP.

I would think that it was at least highly improper and I hope improbable that if the literal meaning of the words uttered were taken and acted upon - literally - that some serious damage might happen!!

What if the machine was "F"-ed by you or if not had "F"-ed itself?

Does "colourful" language match or "go with" the "all-white" (and "pure"??) decor of a laundry machine? I guess that it matches the "decor"??? in many work-shops though.

The mind boggles just thinking about it.

In my shop the decor is definitely "dull" (operator too??) but the language is all too often anything but.

mechanicalmagic
07-10-2008, 11:03 PM
I have a slightly different perspective.
I doubt the appliance has a soul, or the knowledge of your manual.

However, the all knowing and mischievous MURPHY (that resides between here and Hell) is very aware. And he tries to control your life.

That's why I buy factory manuals for my cars, never need them. I also buy tools I don't need, JUST to make sure I won't have a problem needing that tool. Murphy knows.

I remember when I was a kid, everything broke, and I didn't have the right tool. Now, almost nothing breaks, and I have all the tools. Murphy knows.

I win.
(And now that I have told the secret, Murphy is going to get even.
News at 7.)

Dave

oldtiffie
07-10-2008, 11:18 PM
I can relate to all of your post Dave - all of it - painfully!!!

This link - which is a "good read" - will set your mind at ease or your nerves on edge!!!

Murphy's coming for ya!!!

Believe it!!

At least his going to you will get him off my back!!

Keep him!! I just want to be rid of him - some hope!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murphys_Law

gnm109
07-10-2008, 11:44 PM
Iv been an appliance repairman, a foreign car master mech. for decades, ran a honda motorcycle service department, ran a suzuki service MC department, ran a kawasaki MC service department, built formula V race engines for 7 years, and installed heating and air cond. units --------- i get a "machine" that starts giving me a rough time and I immediately tell it; Thousands have tried, and every single one of them has failed, Its just You and Me --- Now---- who in the hell do you think is going to win:D And then I tell it to "bring it" and then call it a beeaaatch.

I conquered the mighty Mitsubishi, Ill spank the daylights out of anything that comes my way:cool:

So you ask - do i make a habit out of talking to inanimate objects? All the time, sometimes even in my sleep -- im told.:o


I'm pretty sure that this sort of communication with machines works. As an example, I once cursed my Harley Shovelhead in similar terms and managed to get 50 miles out of it without even a hint of a failure.

You say "beeaaatch" like it's a bad thing. :o

Tim Clarke
07-11-2008, 12:29 AM
I have threatened machines since I was a toddler, a family tradition. Mom has photos of me hammering nails before I started school. Dad taught me how to swear carefully, and with style.

Over the years, I have begun to believe that there is a benifit to swearing, and/or threatening machines. A couple favorites are: Detroit Dogmeat Sumbitch, And the ultimate threat: I'll fix ya, or cut ya for scrap. Since the few parts I've cut for scrap over the years are vastly outnumbered by the ones I've fixed, I have to think threats work. If nothing else, it strengthens your resolve to get the upper hand.....

Evan has an interesting point. I knew a guy who had a fairly serious stroke, after which all he could do was swear. He fought his way back to a good level of recovery, but since he had a P.H.D. in English, he could swear like no other I've ever known.

Regars to all,
TC

JSGAuto
07-11-2008, 08:22 AM
formula V race engines for 7


Hey H.P.

Did you work for someone or yourself? I picked up one of those cars last year and am trying to get into the sport. I am running a motor from Bill Noble.

Jim

A.K. Boomer
07-11-2008, 08:55 AM
Jim you got a PM...