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John Stevenson
12-29-2008, 05:51 PM
A man is in the market for a used motorbike. He always wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads in the newspaper, and is not having much luck.
One day he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about it with the owner.
"This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you must tell me how you keep it in such good shape."
"Well," says the seller, "it's pretty simple. Just make sure, if the bike is outside and it's going to rain, that you rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain. In fact, since you're buying the bike, I won't need my tub of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it." And he hands the buyer a tub of Vaseline.
The man buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker. He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's ecstatic (being a Harley fan). That night,
he decides to ride the bike over to his girlfriend's parents' house. It is his first meeting with them and he figures the bike will make a big impression. When the pair of them reach her parents' house, the girlfriend grabs her boyfriend's arm.
"Honey," she says, "I gotta tell you something about my parents before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."
"No problem," he says. And in they go.
The boyfriend is astounded. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the family room, another huge stack of dishes. Piled up the stairs, dirty dishes. In fact, everywhere he looks, there are dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.
As dinner progresses, the boyfriend decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses his girlfriend. No one says a word. So he decides to reach over and fondle her breasts. He looks at her parents, but still they keep quiet. So he stands up, grabs his girlfriend, strips her naked, and they screw each other's brains out right on the dinner table. Still, no one says a word.
"Her Mom's kinda cute," he thinks. So he grabs his girlfriend's Mom and has his way with her right there on the dinner table. Again, total silence.
Then, a few raindrops hit the window and the boyfriend realizes it's
starting to rain. He figures he'd better take care of the motorcycle, so he
pulls the Vaseline from his pocket. Suddenly the father stands up and
shouts:
"All right, all right! I'll do the damn dishes."

.

davidh
12-29-2008, 06:45 PM
didn;t think it would go that direction. . . . . . cute !

old-biker-uk
12-29-2008, 06:55 PM
I'm sure I just heard a laugh from down in the garage where my old Harley lives .....
Mark

Carld
12-29-2008, 09:41 PM
ROFLMAO That's a good one John

rockrat
12-29-2008, 10:09 PM
Heard it before, read the whole thing again, still laughing. That never gets old. Thanks Sir John.

Always wondered why it was a Harley in the story and not a Norton. Must be a reliability thing. :D

rock~

dp
12-29-2008, 11:30 PM
Heard it before, read the whole thing again, still laughing. That never gets old. Thanks Sir John.

Always wondered why it was a Harley in the story and not a Norton. Must be a reliability thing. :D

rock~

Nobody cares if a Norton rusts.

speedy
12-30-2008, 12:16 AM
George Bush has a heart attack and dies. Obviously he goes to hell, where the Devil is waiting for him.
'I'm not sure what to do,' says the Devil. 'You're on my list, but I have no room for you.
As you definitely have to stay here, I'm going to have to let someone else go.
I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you.
I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their
place. I'll even let you decide who leaves.'
George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.
The Devil opened the first room. In it were Richard Nixon and a large pool of hot water.
He kept diving in and climbing out, over and over.
Such was his fate in hell.
'No!' said George. 'I don't think so, I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could stay in hot water all day.'
The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer, time after time.
No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day.' commented George.
The Devil opened the third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a
spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while, and finally said 'Yeah, I can handle this.'
The Devil smiled and said, 'OK, Monica, you're free to go!'

oldtiffie
12-30-2008, 12:56 AM
Well John.

Not meaning to "top" you but this is true.

I needed some "Vaseline" for some battery terminals in the shed - couldn't find any.

Next step - the shaving cabinet in the Bath-room - one there - good - used it (dirty hands and all) - finished, put it back.

Wife and daughter wanted to know what was the black stuff in the "Vaseline" bottle - so I told them - they were NOT impressed - and said so as women do!! I asked if they'd used it and told them what the "black stuff" was and laughed my head off. They were not amused.

I couldn't see anything wrong as I'd put it back which was more than they did if they "borrowed/used" anything from the shop - and I said so. They were even less impressed.

It was only "topped" when as we were driving past a "Drive-In" movie theatre the car in front had those bloody "dangley" things hanging from the mirror and the rear window as well as several cushions on the back window ledge. I had trouble seeing and cursed the bloody cushions. Teen-age (just) son said to me the "They aren't cushions Dad". Dad: "Well what the bloody hell are they then?" Son: "Fork-lifts". Dad: "Waddaya mean fork-lifts?". Son: "Well that what Daughter uses them for when she is at the Drive-In with then boy-friend in his Van". I damn near choked and almost ran off the road, wife was horrified and said so in no uncertain terms that she would speak to Daughter - and Son and I "Later" - which she sure did!!. Daughter was not pleased at all. Son and I were just about pi$$ing ourselves - and so wife gave us a "piece of her mind" as well.

Never had that boy-friend call again - can't see why.

Son must have told all his mates within 10 miles.

Daughter had a new lot of potential (male) "best friends".

I think the dog and I had each others meals for a week.

Needless to say, I was working at a large Navy base and the "word" soon got around the people I worked with. The men thought it a huge laugh and the women were "not impressed".