PDA

View Full Version : OT pulled a good one on the wife...



Liger Zero
07-20-2009, 01:32 PM
Recently the wife has taken an interest in submarines. Seriously. The book she's reading now is Blind Man's Bluff which is about some of the scary high-risk spy missions we allegedly undertook for national security.

(I have no doubt we did some wacky **** in the name of security but this book triggers my BS sensor in a couple of places, I think the interviewees were pulling some legs!)


Anyway, she's reading the part about how they think they figured out what sank the Scorpion. She asks me how would they test such a thing, the book was vague about how they actually did the testing.


I explained that they have a big rig that holds down a torpedo and they run the engine on that and observe the results from a safe distance... and that this was the responsibility of the Operational Maneuver Group Weapons Testing Facility Bureau of Basic Quality.

OMGWTFBBQ.

Just got an email from her: THERE IS NO "Operational Maneuver Group Weapons Testing Facility Bureau of Basic Quality" YOU %&(*&(!!!


...I think I'm in trouble. :D

Ken_Shea
07-20-2009, 01:52 PM
Haha, that's a good one.

Many years ago when i ran a auto service repair I told my new wife that she needed to take her car to the dealership to have the winter air taken out of her tires and summer air put in, that I would do it but did not have the equipment, which she politely did.
Needless to say more :D :D

lynnl
07-20-2009, 02:32 PM
So how was it, sleeping on the couch the next couple of weeks? :)

Liger Zero
07-20-2009, 02:42 PM
So how was it, sleeping on the couch the next couple of weeks? :)

Oh this is just the opening shot in another round of epic practical jokes, misinformation and general mayhem. :D

Evan
07-20-2009, 02:55 PM
Where's the picture?

BTW, if you need a way to get back in um, bed, rent the movie Das Boot.

lynnl
07-20-2009, 03:33 PM
Not really a practical joke, but I'm reminded of our R&R meeting about 2/3 of the way through my Vietnam tour (May 1970), when my wife and I met for a 2nd honeymoon in Hawaii. We were driving around on the island through large pineapple farms and she asked what those were. When I told her she said, "Oh they are not! ...pineapples grow on trees silly!"

She's not really a blond, but she did have her hair frosted back then.

She doesn't appreciate me bringing that story up every now and then, for some reason.

panchula
07-20-2009, 03:36 PM
That reminds me of the time we we driving across the Ohio Turnpike and encountered several miles of road construction barrels, without equipment or construction workers being encountered. My friend's girlfriend (now wife) questioned why there would be miles of barrels for no apparent reason. I answered "It's in the union contract with the IBBCPW -- the International Brotherhood of Barrel and Cone Placement Workers. They have a set number of miles to place every day, per the contract". "Oh!" And order was restored to her world... Until both my friend and I couldn't keep a straight face any longer.

-Mike

38_Cal
07-20-2009, 04:03 PM
Recently the wife has taken an interest in submarines. Seriously. The book she's reading now is Blind Man's Bluff which is about some of the scary high-risk spy missions we allegedly undertook for national security.

(I have no doubt we did some wacky **** in the name of security but this book triggers my BS sensor in a couple of places, I think the interviewees were pulling some legs!)


Anyway, she's reading the part about how they think they figured out what sank the Scorpion. She asks me how would they test such a thing, the book was vague about how they actually did the testing.


I explained that they have a big rig that holds down a torpedo and they run the engine on that and observe the results from a safe distance... and that this was the responsibility of the Operational Maneuver Group Weapons Testing Facility Bureau of Basic Quality.

OMGWTFBBQ.

Just got an email from her: THERE IS NO "Operational Maneuver Group Weapons Testing Facility Bureau of Basic Quality" YOU %&(*&(!!!


...I think I'm in trouble. :D

Liger,

Remember that all sea stories are required to begin with "This ain't no sh!t, now..." I was in Naval Aviation units for my three years, eleven months and twenty-eight days (but who was counting?), and there were a few guys who routinely were sent out for a bucket of prop wash, etc.

David Kaiser
Montezuma, IA

winchman
07-20-2009, 04:22 PM
My brother-in-law sent his wife to the building supply store with a list of things he needed to finish up the bathroom. She came back without the P-trap, thinking it was a practical joke.

Roger

cuemaker
07-20-2009, 04:28 PM
Early in my marriage, I had my wife seriously considering the possiblity that I was a spy for the CIA in the mid to late 90's, following in my dads footsteps...

Dad moved us to Italy in 1979 for 2yrs...working on computerizing Olivetti..and then Mexico City after that computerizing Banco de Mexico.. I told her he was really a spy...

I told her that I went to South America alot.. and the need may arise again sometime...Except I totally blow the story every time I am in a Mexican restaurant and order....

Highpower
07-20-2009, 04:43 PM
I was expecting a story about the seaman who's job was installing and repairing the screen doors on the sub.... :rolleyes:

gregl
07-20-2009, 05:50 PM
Well, when we were first married, I sent my wife to the auto parts store for some radiator bearings for the VW bug. We're still together after 40 years so I guess I was forgiven.

And since my basic nature is to , uh, entertain her with interesting stories, there are times when something real comes up and I have to prove to her that I'm not practicing my craft. Witness the time about two years ago when we were having trouble with light bulbs sticking in the ceiling light fixtures. A twist on the burned-out bulb would pull the bulb out of it's threaded base, leaving said base stuck in the fan fixture. I asked her to stop at the hardware store to get some light bulb grease. She came back and was about to whack me on the side of the head with a frozen turkey so I had to race to the NAPA auto parts store and get some dielectric grease. It actually says "light bulb grease" on the package. As you may know, it's for automotive use, but obviously, the folks at the hardware store thought I was up to my old tricks again.

Errol Groff
07-20-2009, 06:10 PM
We have been married for 43 years come August 6 and it is a wonder that my wife still puts up with me.

One night about 10:00PM we were coming back from central Connecticut on a secondary road with no other cars in sight. A small bridge was under repair and had a stop sign on each end of the bridge with a small "Three Cars" sign underneath the stop.

I stopped and sat there waiting...and waiting...and waiting. Finally she exploded, what the heck are we sitting here for???

I pointed to the "Three Cars" sign and told her I had to wait for two more cars before we could go!


Errol Groff

J Tiers
07-21-2009, 12:48 AM
You folks are evil......

I wouldn't try that stuff on my wife, mostly because she wouldn't fall for it. And of course because I might not like the consequences.

I did manage, recently, to throw a surprise birthday party for her, however. It involved a remarkable amount of misinformation, misdirection, sleight of hand, and cover stories. But no actual lies........ She never saw it coming, mostly because she figured there was no way I could handle doing that.

I managed to get all sorts of party supplies etc right past her without her noticing. She only found out when we came back from a "made up errand" and found a crowd of folks in the back yard having a party.....

It's a double-edged sword, though........ she absolutely loved it, but I'm afraid she may no longer entirely trust me, since I was devious and sneaky enough to arrange it............. so what ELSE am I doing?.........

tony ennis
07-21-2009, 12:56 AM
If you have to get back on her good side, chat with her friends. They'll tell you things to buy her that she actually wants. "Oh, how did you know! You're so thoughtful!"

Being a romantic, I bought her a Honda generator once. I scored big points on that one!

tyrone shewlaces
07-21-2009, 01:25 AM
A few years back, my woman at the time was an electronics tech. I fiddle with electronics a bit too and I phoned her to ask her company inventory guy to see if they had a dozen chips I needed for a project. I told her "write this down. "B.A. eleven hundred N"".

Sure enough, she wrote it down and handed the piece of paper that said "BA1100N" to the guy and told him "I need a dozen of these", then the guy looked up from the paper and asked if it was somebody's birthday or something. Man I wish I was a fly on the wall to see that.

It's an old one, but she hadn't heard it before and walked right into it. Good for me she has a good sense of humor. She actually got a kick out of it once she realized that I helped her to come off as a total dippy blond, then brought me a dozen balloons that evening.

Ahhh, the good old days.

hornluv
07-21-2009, 05:17 PM
I've managed to get my wife a couple of times. We were on a road trip about 10 hours from home and before we set off back home, I was leaning over looking under the car looking concerned. I said, "What's that under there?" She freaked out and started screaming, "Under where?!?!" She was really pissed when I started lmao and said, "I made you say underwear!" She chased me around the car for a good five minutes trying to hit me.

Then one night a couple of years ago we were in the kitchen drinking some water before bed and I told her it was taking every ounce of self control not to throw my water all over her. This went on for a couple of days until I finally did it. She was in the bathroom in the dark and I just walked right by and tossed it in at her. I had to barricade myself in the bedroom so she couldn't soak me. Good clean fun.

mark61
07-21-2009, 08:43 PM
[QUOTE=cuemaker]
working on computerizing Olivetti..and then Mexico City after that computerizing Banco de Mexico.. I told her he was really a spy...
QUOTE]

My uncle worked for HRB Singer -now known as Raythone- from the late '50 til he retired in the '90's. Electrical engineering. Used to have to visit Asian countries now and then. 10 years after he retired he got an award for his work....from the NSA!

mark61

Roy Andrews
07-21-2009, 10:05 PM
16 years in the navy. many working on or with subs and i can assure you that book while more than the navy wanted publicized was just the tip of the iceberg on the squirrelly **** the sub force has done.

Your Old Dog
07-22-2009, 10:49 AM
Once got my wife but it was unintentional.

Had trip to Washington with our single secretary/treasurer who filled out a pair of bluejeans perfectly.

When on the road, I frequently get magazines and munchies for after dinner in the hotel room as I don't fool around and not much of a drinker.

When I get home my wife is doing laundry and comes crying out of the laundry room and just glareing at me. I asked her whats wrong and she held up a pair of my dirty underwear with red stains around the hammer opening and burst in to tears! I bursted out laughing and that made her all the more mad. It took quite awhile to convince her the red stain was from a bag of red pistachios I had bought for the hotel room. She won't let me repeat the story and gets smoking mad when I've headed there :D

JCHannum
07-22-2009, 11:39 AM
Quick thinking there.

Liger Zero
07-22-2009, 02:00 PM
16 years in the navy. many working on or with subs and i can assure you that book while more than the navy wanted publicized was just the tip of the iceberg on the squirrelly **** the sub force has done.

Considering some of the wacky stunts mentioned in that book, your statement gives me pause. I guess my stepfather's advice to my brother upon him joining the Navy was spot on "You're considering submarines? What are you NUTS?!" :D

McNeillMachine
07-22-2009, 09:44 PM
While driving to my mother's house in New Hampshire last fall, I had my girlfriend convinced that you have to clean up your own roadkill. Sadly, mom blew the whistle on me.

kmccubbin
07-22-2009, 10:37 PM
Was driving through west Texas with a girlfriend, saw a small wind farm. 5 of the really tall windmills. All were turning except #4. She asked why it wasn't turning, I told her there wasn't enough wind. About 5 minutes later she hit me. I love joke grenades. Just throw them out there, they go off later...

Kerry

cuemaker
07-22-2009, 10:44 PM
[QUOTE=cuemaker]
working on computerizing Olivetti..and then Mexico City after that computerizing Banco de Mexico.. I told her he was really a spy...
QUOTE]

My uncle worked for HRB Singer -now known as Raythone- from the late '50 til he retired in the '90's. Electrical engineering. Used to have to visit Asian countries now and then. 10 years after he retired he got an award for his work....from the NSA!

mark61

Well, my dad did work on some programing for either the CIA or the NSA, dont remember.. He was flying to Chantilly VA every Monday and back on a Friday... Then Congress heard how much the whole building was costing and how expensive the Italian marble was in the entrance.... he had to switch companies (same office for 30yrs and 3 different company names, just a new company) cause technically the company he worked for was majority owned by a Japanese company...

uncle pete
07-22-2009, 11:43 PM
I told a guy at work that it sounded like he had blown a muffler bering so he calls the mobile mecanic on the radio to report it. Theres about 50 people on that channel, Still have people laughing about that.

Computer techs. at work when they have a operator error say it's a I.D. TEN T PROBLEM. If you write this down you'll understand, Just use numerals and not the word ten.

Pete

Evan
07-23-2009, 07:42 AM
My uncle worked for HRB Singer -now known as Raythone- from the late '50 til he retired in the '90's. Electrical engineering. Used to have to visit Asian countries now and then. 10 years after he retired he got an award for his work....from the NSA!





In 1962, according to Stover, the CIA quietly contracted the Xerox
company to design a miniature camera, to be planted inside the photocopier
at the Soviet Union's embassy in Washington. A team of four Xerox
engineers set to work in an abandoned bowling alley and built a working
model -- a modified home movie camera equipped with a special photocell
that triggered the device whenever a copy was made. In 1963, the tiny Cold
War weapon was installed by a Xerox technician during a regular
maintenance visit to the Soviet embassy. On subsequent visits the Xerox
man retrieved and replaced the film.

Stover's account of the operation is based in large part on interviews with
Ray Zoppoth, a retired mechanical engineer who had a key role in designing
the spy camera (Zoppoth was even issued a secret patent for the gadget).
The CIA and Xerox remain tight-lipped about the operation, but Stover
was able to confirm Zoppoth's story with others who worked on the
project.

The operation was a smashing success, and Stover writes that the Xerox
surveillance of the Soviets may have been just the tip of the iceberg.
"Judging by the number of parts ordered from Xerox, Zoppoth believes that
spy cameras may have been installed in photocopiers all over the world, to
keep an eye on U.S. allies as well as enemies.

Originally published in Pop Sci in 1996