View Full Version : Some New Units of Measure

09-23-2003, 03:35 PM
I thought this group, being more quantitatively sensitive than most, might appreciate learning of these new measurement units:

Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi

2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton

1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope

Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecond

Weight an evangelist carries with God: 1 billigram

Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong

365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling: 1 lite year

16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Serling

Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon

1000 aches: 1 kilohurtz

Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower

Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line. (think about it for a moment)

453.6 graham crackers: 1 pound cake

1 million microphones: 1 megaphone

1 million bicycles: 2 megacycles

2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds (work on it)

10 cards: 1 decacards

1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton

1000 cubic centimeters of wet socks: 1 literhosen

1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche

1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin

10 rations: 1 decoration

100 rations: 1 C-ration

2 monograms: 1 diagram

8 nickels: 2 paradigms

3 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League

100 Senators: Not 1 decision

* * *

The Ten Commandments display was removed from the Alabama Supreme Court building.

There was a good reason for the move.

You can't post "Thou Shalt Not Steal" in a building full of lawyers and politicians without creating a hostile work environment.

09-23-2003, 04:37 PM
Kinda like names for groups of critters.

Eight hookers=Octopuss

09-23-2003, 11:39 PM
That's great lynnl,
I'm telling you up front,I'm swiping it and passing it own!

09-24-2003, 04:44 AM
I had a strategy meeting with my lawyer and told him I had a difficult time Swearing on the bible when the court would not admit in court that God does (or does not) exist. He told me, and I quote: "the existance of God is irrelevant". I argued that in stating that "I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God" implies that God does exist according to the swearing in, and therefore the court admits Gods existance and therefore has no power over me what so ever as I would, existentially speaking have to sit speechless in the witness chair. Plus, if I new the whole truth the judge and all lawyers would be in deep, deep ****.

I gave him a bad headache - only cost me $28,000! (plus GST)

[This message has been edited by Thrud (edited 09-24-2003).]