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View Full Version : I need you're help guys urgently?



Alistair Hosie
11-05-2009, 02:44 PM
Once again I tried the lottery and didn't win(that's twice in twenty five years), so I am now so poor I only eat six or more times a day ,and have just left with the two or more cars now.My machinery is all nearly a year old and needs completely upgrading.I need a new Guchi set of workshop overalls and shoes to match If things don't get better I will be forced to send the children out to work.I like to hold my head high and never would resort to asking for charity but since his lordship(bless him) Johan sebastian Stevenson has decided to act as my manager I now feel it is time to beg for help.If any of you have extremely large, large, large ,wads of unused money lying around please send it direct to me, as his ludship Stevenson is too well known to the authorities and would be tempted too much,(best not put the poor lad to any unecessary anxiety.I only like big notes in large bundles so please don't embarass yourself by sending small marked bills.I am not one of those nigerian pricess who write to you regularily albeit from this same address ( don't pay attention to those blaggereds.I am one of Scotlands hardy sons much in need of a healthy handout from my pals here.send the money in a plain envelope extra large size made out to poor old Alistair landslide mansions Scotland.Those generous friends from USA please first change the money to Scottish Geld as it will save me having to drag my fat unused arse to the bank.Well lads if I sent such an apllication to you how long would it take for me to retire rich.love and kisses Alistair high on morphinous liquids not suitable for chidren and Englishmen.:D:D:DAlistair don't mistake my beging for that of A certain oil mac known as mr billionaire himself Dan

lazlo
11-05-2009, 02:50 PM
Alistair, did you leave yourself logged-on to HSM Forum at the library or an Internet Cafe? :)

Carld
11-05-2009, 02:55 PM
Sorry to hear of your destitute and deplorable plight. I just now am running off sheets of 100 dollar bills but I can't get the ink to dry. I have sent some of them to the US printing office to see if they can suggest a way to dry them. When I get them dry I will ship all of them to you.

It's not the right paper and the fronts are not oriented to the back but what the hell, there free to you.

malbenbut
11-05-2009, 03:04 PM
Well Alistair seeing that your health and general wellbeing is in such dire straights just forward a few of the parcels you receive and I will help you count the donations you get.
MBB
Ps Carld I can supply blotting paper so just send the wet ones to me direct.

Carld
11-05-2009, 03:23 PM
The problem is when I stack them up they rub on each other and get all blurred up. Confounded ink :mad:
:eek: I just noticed they have Clintons photo on them. :confused:

MrSleepy
11-05-2009, 03:33 PM
Many moons ago...when I first got into programming I bought a large bucket full of carriage returns and line feeds..


If you want I can send you some...but make sure you don't 0D on them..:)

Rob

gnm109
11-05-2009, 03:37 PM
I'm going to do my part. I'm sending some more hot air snce it's apparent that you have now run out. LOL.

Actually, it sounds like you are doing better than I am. Send me some money.

:)

oil mac
11-05-2009, 03:43 PM
Damn it Alistair,
i can only help you with bundles of 18 notes, which the Scottish banks wont take, The last time i wanted rid of them i went over to Dublin, In a bar an Irishman swapped them for 9 notes, He only took 1.50/note as an exchange rate, &do you know what? The rotten bank tellers wouldnt take the 9 notes, when i got back home :mad:

john hobdeclipe
11-05-2009, 04:48 PM
Well, my friend, I can't help much on the money front, but I don't want you to starve while waiting for the ink to dry on the bills you've been promised, so I'm going to ask my wife to cook up a special batch of my favorite, "fried ice & wind pudding" and we'll send some along as soon as it congeals.

Evan
11-05-2009, 04:50 PM
Here you go Alistair. Don't spend it all in one place. If for any reason it isn't accepted just post me the receipt by air mail and I will recompense you.

http://ixian.ca/pics6/dollar.jpg

camdigger
11-05-2009, 04:58 PM
so I am now so poor I only eat six or more times a day ,

You have the appetite of a hobbit! And I thought Hobbitses were Welsh....

Editted P.S. You got freakishly big feet too?

John Stevenson
11-05-2009, 05:00 PM
:eek: I just noticed they have Clintons photo on them. :confused:

Thought they had to be dead to appear on $$ notes, or perhaps he was / is.

camdigger
11-05-2009, 05:16 PM
Thought they had to be dead to appear on $$ notes, or perhaps he was / is.


Think Hillary finally got tired of his antics and bought him cement shoes from her Democratic, ahem, "contacts"?:D :D

lazlo
11-05-2009, 06:01 PM
:eek: I just noticed they have Clintons photo on them. :confused:

It's easy to pick out the Clinton bills -- they have stains on them.

dockrat
11-05-2009, 06:23 PM
It's easy to pick out the Clinton bills -- they have stains on them.

Well $hit! Now I have to clean the coffee off of my monitors LOL:D

Tony Ennis
11-05-2009, 07:10 PM
but make sure you don't 0D on them

Ugh. Don't forget your hat on your way out.

Tim Clarke
11-05-2009, 08:43 PM
Allistair, this is to notify you that there has been, as of the second tuesday next week, a most magnamious gift, which you should recieve in a timely manner, given the sterling service of postal officials worldwide. I advise that you should remain home, and ready for the imminent arrival of the aforementioned parcel. In some ways it strongly resembles a steamer trunk; however some might disagree. I have insured that you will not have any difficulties identifying said shippment, however. It has been lovingly refinished a gut wrenching shade of green, by skilled and loving hands.

I also advise that you keep a nice pocketful of pounds sterling for the freight and duty charges, which I have reversed, of course. If there's any doubt about my sincerity, please re read your original post, and ask yourself how could any thinking man ignore such a heartfelt and honest plea?

Perhaps it would be wise to consider the contracting of a local rigger, with forklift and lorry. Given the generosity of other board members around the world, you may have a storage issue.

Tim

wierdscience
11-05-2009, 09:02 PM
Once again I tried the lottery and didn't win(that's twice in twenty five years),


A man was walking through the woods oneday when he heard the audible voice of God speak to him.God told him he would win the lottery and be rich.

Well of course he was so happy he quickly ran to town and told everyone that God said he would win the lottery.

Years went by and no lottery winnings even though he still told the story.Then oneday he found himself walking alone in those same woods when all of the sudden he heard God speaking to him again.This time though he asked God what about him winning the lottery?He said"God,merciful Lard' you last told me I would win the lottery and be rich" "I told everyone I know that you said I would win the lottery and be rich" "Lard' it never happened and I looked a fool,when will I win the lottery O'Lard'?

God looked down and said........"Give me a break and buy a ticket you cheap a-- Scott:D :D !"

tattoomike68
11-05-2009, 09:18 PM
dude , in order to help I will donate a big stem from a green bud and some naked pics of this old fat lady who wanted my bone.

EDIT picture removed by admin

Oldbrock
11-05-2009, 09:18 PM
I have just been informed that I have inherited ten million US dollars from a bank in Nigeria. As soon as it arrives I will forward one million of it to you as I have enjoyed your posts so much. You may share some of it with Mark in North Wales and Earl of Sumpwater if you feel so inclined. Peter

Limy Sami
11-05-2009, 09:45 PM
Sorry, fresh out of 15 Y/O virgins p*** to water the money tree.

Mcgyver
11-05-2009, 10:25 PM
I kind of missed the point of all this....you were/are a dentist correct? based on how mine charges, being destitute would seem a stretch.....yet a great number of people are having a very difficult time of it these days so its not much of a laughing matter.....speaking of it in such a manner, unless you yourself are destitute, seems in poor taste. Am i missing something?

motorcyclemac
11-05-2009, 11:38 PM
Allistair

I'll take care of you... I'll forward your email to Obama...and he will get you some money from the place we get ours... China.

You don't mind hundreds that smell like egg rolls do you?

You can replace all the machinery from Grizzly that way the Chinese get the money back.

Cheers
Mac.

38_Cal
11-05-2009, 11:57 PM
Well, my friend, I can't help much on the money front, but I don't want you to starve while waiting for the ink to dry on the bills you've been promised, so I'm going to ask my wife to cook up a special batch of my favorite, "fried ice & wind pudding" and we'll send some along as soon as it congeals.

Make sure to fry that ice in elbow grease! :D

Evan
11-06-2009, 04:18 AM
I actually have some small change that has been lining the bottom of my pocket for some time now. I will send it to you if you supply me with your address. About the only thing you need to consider is that I wear mine to the left and keep my money in my left pocket. :D

http://ixian.ca/pics6/ten.jpg

John Stevenson
11-06-2009, 04:34 AM
Look out for some green envelopes in the post.

I actually sent you a new can of green paint but the lid came off as I was cramming into the post box.


.

Alistair Hosie
11-06-2009, 09:59 AM
sorry lads I wuz only kidding I am indeed not quite destitute and this morning I got a nice letter from the bank of Nigeria where would we be without it eh?thanks for all the kind offers Alistair ps watch out shortly I will be offering something free to all takers watch this space.Alistair

lynnl
11-06-2009, 10:05 AM
Folks, don't let him kid you.
I have it on good authority, Alistair's family tree traces directly back to Andrew Carnegie. And in fact Alistair is a favorite great, great grandson of Ol' Andy.

Alistair Hosie
11-06-2009, 10:15 AM
Gosh wish I was my grandmother once met him he drew a quick sketch of her on abridge in Glagow she didn't know who he was and was promptly told who he was.I still can't find the sketch to this day.IF ONLY EH?:D

lynnl
11-06-2009, 11:59 AM
As I recall, Carnegie came to America as a young guy. Did he return some of his wealth back to Scotland later in life? Seems like I remember reading that he divided much of his later years on each side of the Atlantic.

boslab
11-06-2009, 01:32 PM
alistair i have a cunning plan that only requires a disused volcano, a nuke and the whole of somebodys gold reserve, nigeria i would guess, are you in
i only wanted you to blow the bloody doors off
mark

boslab
11-06-2009, 01:33 PM
As I recall, Carnegie came to America as a young guy. Did he return some of his wealth back to Scotland later in life? Seems like I remember reading that he divided much of his later years on each side of the Atlantic.
we have loads of Carnegie halls round ere, glad the scots sherled out for somthing!
mark

Alistair Hosie
11-06-2009, 06:04 PM
Mcgyver sorry to have upset you I didn't meant that look it's just a bit of fun laddie you need to lighten up buddy boy life is too short for being so serious as you c'mon smile c'mon coochey coo there's a good wee boy then give grandpa Hosie a wee smile there it's not so hard is it besides I am half mad
that explains a lot .Please remember everything I learned sinxce my madness came on was learned forom his lardship Johan sebastian Stevenson my lord and mentor and general guide through this universe.:DAlistair ps keep your eyes open for the free gift (there's a wee twist though) coming soon .Again Alistair

torker
11-06-2009, 10:00 PM
Alistair...thanks for the laugh!!! I needed that right about now.
Geez...McGyver....you didn't get THAT?
Holy Smoke...ya ...you gotta lighten up.
Russ

dp
11-06-2009, 10:40 PM
No sooner has Soupy Sales expired than someone is trying to fill his krufty old shoes :)

http://mrnyc.blogspot.com/2009/10/soupy-sales-green-pieces-of-paper.html

Spandau
11-07-2009, 02:01 AM
I do not have any loose cash to send, but I can tell you that you've spelled Guchi wrong----my Minister of Finance would have a fit if she knew you did that.

http://www.typophile.com/files/Picture-1_5251.gif

Alistair Hosie
11-07-2009, 08:46 AM
Your thinking of a different guchi the ones in Glasgow are chinese knock offs like the lewi jeans and the sonie playstation and the calfing cline and the like.Alistair

Scishopguy
11-07-2009, 12:06 PM
Alistair...don't forget the "copper top" DuraSell batteries that show up everywhere, these days, cheap. :D




Your thinking of a different guchi the ones in Glasgow are chinese knock offs like the lewi jeans and the sonie playstation and the calfing cline and the like.Alistair

They're thinkin with their dipsticks, Jimmy!!!

Mcgyver
11-07-2009, 12:21 PM
Mcgyver sorry to have upset you I didn't meant that l

not upset, no problem

Alistair Hosie
11-07-2009, 01:32 PM
Good lad Mcgyver your a gentleman indeed. Just like I always new anyway keep smilin buddy.:DAlistair