View Full Version : Chuck Norris

02-22-2010, 10:16 AM
Everyone knows how badass he is.

Please everyone contribute as it could a humorous thread.

"If chuck Norris was a machinist he would"

always thread towards the headstock!

Alistair Hosie
02-22-2010, 10:21 AM
he'd be better of machining than acting as he's really crap poor at that yuk.Alistair

02-22-2010, 10:36 AM
he'd be better of machining than acting as he's really crap poor at that yuk.Alistair

you're right.....if Chuck Norris were a machinist he'd wouldn't say much but would try like hell to hold .010" :)

02-22-2010, 10:57 AM
Before Chuck Norris came along lathes had 3 or 4 jaw "spinny round metal holder thingies" on them.

He's a fellow Okie BTW. :)

02-22-2010, 12:00 PM
If Chuck Norris were a machinist he would always thread from the center out to each end upside down and backwards while kicking the head stock and yelling KEA in a scream.

02-22-2010, 12:28 PM
Are you kidding me??? He'd have kicked that lathe's arse from the get go and it would have KNOWN not to even try wrapping up his apron.

Roy Andrews
02-22-2010, 12:38 PM
chuck would only run a clausing lathe.;)

02-22-2010, 01:12 PM
Chuck Norris is the only man who could throw a ship overboard!!...lol

Dr Stan
02-22-2010, 01:23 PM
If Chuck Norris was a machinist he'd still be on broom duty. :D

02-22-2010, 01:31 PM
If Chuck Norris were a Machinist... Right now we or at least I would be saying. Who the heck is Chuck Norris :confused:. Other then that I think he'd just break thing all day long. :D

02-22-2010, 01:31 PM
If Chuck Norris was a machinist he wouldn't need no stinkin chop saw!

Forrest Addy
02-22-2010, 01:55 PM
I'd put him in charge of collecting from slow payers.

02-22-2010, 02:12 PM
He only turn right-hand threads.

Dr Stan
02-22-2010, 02:17 PM
He only turn right-hand threads.

and make wing nuts :D

02-22-2010, 02:20 PM
If Chuck Norris were a machinist, he'd roundhouse kick the part until it cut it's own threads.

Alistair Hosie
02-22-2010, 02:40 PM
just like Superman Eh ? Yawn yawn.Alistair

02-22-2010, 02:42 PM
If Chuck Norris were a machinist, he wouldn't need no stinkin' machines. He'd be makin' chips with his bare hands!

02-22-2010, 05:21 PM
if chuck norris was a machinst, he'd bolt himself onto the faceplate and hold the work in his bear hands, then turn the lathe on and watch the world revolve around him.

Weston Bye
02-22-2010, 05:24 PM
Chuck Norris - what a coincidence. The Preacher preached about him yesterday in Church:

Sure, the acting wasn't all that great...
Sure, the plots were lame...
But there was a certain satisfaction in seeing the Bad Guy get the daylights beat out of him in the end.

John Stevenson
02-22-2010, 05:29 PM
If Chuck Norris were a machinist he wouldn't dream of using a POS Bridgeport.


Your Old Dog
02-22-2010, 05:34 PM
I like'em, he's a positive role model for our ute.

He'd likely clean up and oil all machines at the end of the day. Probably wouldn't have a big bandage on his nose picken finger :D

02-22-2010, 09:04 PM
if chuck Norris was a machinist he would part off aluminum at 2000rpm

02-22-2010, 09:08 PM
Chuck Norris drills all his holes 1 size under the suggested size for a given tap

Terry L
02-22-2010, 09:17 PM
If Chuck Norris was a machinist, he'd have Jimmy Trivette cleaning out his chip pans.

02-22-2010, 09:41 PM
If Chuck Norris was a machinist, he'd probably need a lot of bandaids. Oh, and his nickname would probably be something like turn and face, or maybe compound fracture.

02-22-2010, 10:03 PM
If Chuck Norris was a machinist, he'd use a treadle lathe to machine container ship propellor shafts.

If Chuck Norris was a machinist, he'd drill 8" diameter holes in titanium by giving the ratchet brace one or two round house kicks.

If Chuck Norris was a machinist, he would tap threads without drilling a hole first.

Paul Alciatore
02-23-2010, 01:23 AM
Hell, he wouldn't bother machining any stinking threads. Threads are for sissies. He would just screw the nut on an unthreaded stud and be done. Miller Time!

tyrone shewlaces
02-23-2010, 01:46 AM
Sorry. Chuck Norris would never be a machinist. There's no point.

He's already the perfect killin' machine.

02-23-2010, 09:42 AM
Chuck Norris deburs parts with his beard stubble.

The chop saws in Chuck Norris's shop are not diamond impregnated.. they are impregnated with the toughest element known to man kind: his toenail clippings.

Chuck Norris takes tolerances from NO ONE.

Chuck Norris doesn't mill a feature into a part... he round house kicks the material until it does his bidding.

02-23-2010, 10:34 AM
Chuck Norris doesn't need a water jet machine. He just urinates right through the steel.

02-23-2010, 10:34 AM
Chuck Norris's billing terms are: RIGHT NOW, Net: I'M COMING FOR YOU. The late fee is: death.

Chuck Norris doesn't wear shoes in the shop.. the metal shavings tickle his feet.

02-24-2010, 04:33 PM
Chuck Norris only uses tools made of Chucksten Carbide.

My favorite Chuck-ism of all time, "Under Chuck Norris' beard, there is no chin. There is only another fist."

Dr Stan
02-24-2010, 05:55 PM
If Chuck Norris was a machinist he would have a 100% scrap rate as he cannot follow directions from anyone but himself. :D

02-24-2010, 07:18 PM
If Chuck Norris was a machinist, he would not need carbide tools he would use his fingernails !!!

02-24-2010, 08:33 PM
Chuck Norris invented machining.

Chuck Norris has never opened the machinery's handbook, he stares it down until he gets the information he needs.

02-24-2010, 09:05 PM
--- This -- thread -- is -- gay -- !!! ---


02-24-2010, 09:23 PM
Chuck Norris would have a wicked backlash, and his tolerance would be rated in seconds instead of thous.

02-25-2010, 08:18 AM
chuck norris uses his pinky instead of a tailstock.

02-25-2010, 08:24 AM


02-25-2010, 09:15 AM


Not sure which is more disturbing, the picture, or you HAVING that picture.:eek:

02-26-2010, 12:09 AM
If CNWAM, he would turn first and take measurements later. He would use a Norris chuck, never need a set of punches, and his lathes would be flattened, not leveled.

And if he ever got his hair caught in the spinning chuck, he'd jank it out of there so fast that the spindle would overspeed and explode. Oh, wait- maybe he doesn't have hair anymore-

02-26-2010, 12:41 AM