PDA

View Full Version : YA GOTTA READ IT



IOWOLF
12-05-2003, 05:34 PM
> A beautiful, blonde goes to her local pet store in search
>> > of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she
>> > notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: "Sex Frogs!
>> > Only $20 each! Money Back Guarantee! (Comes with
>> > complete instructions)."
>> >
>> > She looks around to see if anybody's watching her and
>> > whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take
>> > one."
>> >
>> > The clerk packages the frog and says, "Just follow the
>> > instructions carefully." The girl nods, grabs the box,
>> > and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the
>> > door to her apartment, the girl takes out the
>> > instructions and reads them thoroughly, doing exactly
>> > what it says to do: 1. Take a shower. 2. Splash on
>> > some nice smelling perfume. 3. Slip into a very sexy
>> > teddy. 4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down on the
>> > bed.
>> >
>> > She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her
>> > surprise and disappointment, nothing happens! She is
>> > totally frustrated and quite upset at this point. She
>> > rereads the instructions and notices that at the bottom
>> > of the paper it says, "If you have any problems or
>> > questions, please call the pet store."
>> >
>> > So, she calls the pet store. The clerk says, "I had some
>> > complaints earlier today. I'll be right over." Within
>> > five minutes, he is ringing her doorbell.
>> >
>> > The lady welcomes him in and says, " I've done everything
>> > according to the instructions and the damn thing just
>> > sits there."
>> >
>> > The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog,
>> > stares directly into its eyes and sternly says: "Listen
>> > to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one
>> > more time!"
>

Evan
12-05-2003, 06:20 PM
Seven Degrees of a Blonde


FIRST DEGREE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.

The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.

The husband said, "Who was that?"

The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."


SECOND DEGREE

Two blondes are walking down the street.

One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up.

She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."

The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"

So the first blonde hands her the compact.

The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"


THIRD DEGREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.

She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is really angry.

She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief.

She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!" The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

FOURTH DEGREE

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.

She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."

A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"

The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."


FIFTH DEGREE

What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

"Is it mine?"


SIXTH DEGREE

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class.

The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs.Wade was about.

Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."


SEVENTH DEGREE

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.

She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen.

I call the police for help, and what do they do?

They send me a BLIND policeman

wierdscience
12-05-2003, 10:33 PM
I heard a different version of the frog joke-
This one the wife buys one for the husband and brings it home,the husband tries it out and both go to bed,the next morning the wife wakes up and hears pots and pans banging in the kitchen,she goes to investigate,In the kitchen she sees the frog sitting on her husbands shoulder and both are reading a cook book,she askes what is going on and the husband says-"If I can teach him to cook your out of here!" http://bbs.homeshopmachinist.net//biggrin.gif

fixxit
12-06-2003, 02:51 AM
I heard a story about a blind man who mistakenly wandered into a lesbian bar. He sits down at the bar and says in a loud voice "Anyone want to hear a Blonde joke?"

The bartender says "I'm a blonde and I'm a black belt karate instructor". Behind him another woman says "I'm a blonde and I'm a kick boxing champion". Next to him another woman says "I'm a blonde and I'm a professional club bouncer."
The bartender leans over and says "Mister, are you really sure that you want to tell that joke?"
The blind man says "Naw... forget it... I don't want to have to explain it three times."

[This message has been edited by fixxit (edited 12-06-2003).]

Evan
12-06-2003, 03:39 AM
What do you have if you stand three blondes on their heads? Two brunettes and a redhead.

LES A W HARRIS
12-06-2003, 11:02 AM
Blonde and the bus

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop a beautiful young blonde woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on the bus she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the bus' first step. So slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again she tried to make the step onto the bus to discover she still could not make the step. So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more. And for a second time she attempted the step and once again, much to her chagrin she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt. So with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt
to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.

About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus. Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero, screeching at him "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!! " At this the Texan drawled " Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."