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View Full Version : Do you have a funny story, tell us we want to laugh too.



gary350
12-06-2010, 10:41 PM
I had an old 1950 plymouth with a 5 cylinder engine. One of the pistons stuck, the rod jerked out then came up hammered the piston broke it to pieces, all the pieces fell into the oil pan. The rod hammered the inside of that cylinder like crazy at 30 mph the engine sounded like a jack hammer you could hear it coming for 2 blocks. It smoked so bad with 1 piston missing after being parked at a RED traffic light for 30 seconds I couldn't see any of the other cars, couldn't see when the light turned Green either. I had to put a quart of oil in the engine about every 5 miles. I collected all the used free oil I could get from all the service stations in town and carried about 20 gallons with me all the time. I drive that car all summer to work it was so funny it smoked so much it looked like it was on fire people along the street would stop and look, cars coming in the other lane would slow down and pull over to the side. The motor locked up about a week before I returned to college for fall semester. Thats ok I didn't need a car on campus anyway I road my bicycle for the next 3 years.

Weston Bye
12-07-2010, 06:04 AM
I had a similar situation with a 1950 Dodge pickup with a flathead six. Spun a rod bearing and broke the rod. Punched a little hole in the side of the oil pan above the oil level before everything came to a rest. The engine still ran but vibrated, and I used it for going back and forth the 3 miles to the Navy base for a couple of months until I could afford a rebuilt engine from Sears. $350 installed, back in 1971.

A.K. Boomer
12-07-2010, 06:43 AM
I was racing a Chevy chevette with my diesel rabbit when the rabbit dropped a pre-chamber into the main combustion chamber @ close to 6,000 RPM's ---
Really sucked cuz we were neck and neck but I had a slight lead on him,
Luckily even though it happened 35 miles from home it was a kid I knew and he turned back around and gave me a ride home.

Total destruction of head/block,
That was back in the day when I was experimenting as to why you can't use silicone on a used head gasket and get away with it --- you can for awhile- but...

Liger Zero
12-07-2010, 07:10 AM
My first two cars were Chevettes. I paid $200 off the side of the road for the one of two fairly nice looking Chevettes. Owner told me if there were ANY problems bring it back and he'd let me have the other one.

Well I had the first one 36 hours... I was King **** with my new car, impressing the chicks (with my cheap-tasticness) and all that.

Decided to drive to AMES department store (remember them? :)) to buy a first aid kit and fire extinguisher.

Come back up to the front of the store everyone is looking out the window...

ME: "Whats going on?"
CASHIER: "Some asshole's car just burst into flames."
ME: "Oh yeah lets see... Hey that's MY car!"

...

Well I went back to the fellow who it to me and he gave me the other one no questions ask. He was very apologetic.

That car lasted me three years before it's mechanical problems overwhelmed me. I traded it in for a used 1994 Cavalier GT at a dealership... Had THAT car for six months before I learned that Justice goes to those who "look" like they deserve it, unless you spend $7,000 on a lawyer to clear your name.

But that's a story for a different thread! These are FUNNY stories. :D

gary350
12-07-2010, 08:23 AM
High School was out for the summer. I was 17 years old I was hanging out with 5 friends. We were trying to think of something fun to do. We all decided to walk over to someones house several blocks away. We had walked about 2 or 3 blocks when we discovered a large brown dog laying in the street next to the curb. At first we thought the dog was asleep. We decided to wake the dog up because we were afraid the dog might get run over by a car. The dog would not wake up because it was dead. There was no blood and no injurys. We all stood around and talked for awhile about what to do with the dog. Someone mentioned putting the dog in the middle of the street like it was asleep and cars would honk their horns to try and wake up the dog. Then I suggested proping the dog up with something to make it look like it was about to walk out in front of a car and the cars would slam on the brakes and swerve to the other side of the street to avoid hitting the dog. We made several attempts to prop the dog up but it would not stand up. Then one of the guys suggested taking the dog to his house and putting it in the deep freeze. His parents were gone for the week and would never know the dog had been in the freezer. We put the dog in the deep freeze with its 4 legs sticking straight out. After 2 days we took the frozen dog out of the freezer and put it in the trunk of my car. We drove out of town a few miles and parked the car on a dirt side road. We placed the frozen dog next to the highway like it was getting ready to walk across the road. The six of us hid in the tall weeds next to the highway and watched. On coming cars would slow down and pull over to the other side of the highway. People that didn't see the dog until the last second would slam on their breaks. Everyone would hank their horn and roll down their window and yell at the dog to get out of the way or get off the road. We all laughed so hard we all got stomach cramps and one of the guys wet his pants. After about 30 minutes we were all laughed out and couldn't laugh any more. We decided to get the dog off the highway and go home but we didn't want to be seen because we might get into trouble. We waited and watched hoping for a time when there were no cars coming so we could get the dog without being seen. A black car was coming down the highway. As the black car approached the dog we all heard the driver step on the gas peddle and accelerate to pick up speed. The black car swerved to the side of the road and ran over the frozen dog on purpose. We could see the hood of the car flew up when it hit the dog. There was a loud boom and the car came to a stop a few hundred feet down the road. The driver got out of the car to take a look. We were all still hiding in the weeds and scared to death we would get in trouble. After several minutes I told the guys that I was going to walk down there and see what happened. The guys all said no but I told them there was no way that guy could prove I had anything to do with this, and the driver doesn't know me from Adam anyone. I walked down the road and one of the other guys came with me. We got to the car and ask the guy what was going on. He said he had run over a dog and it destoyed his car. We looked at the damage and talked for several minutes. The frozen dog had gone through the grill of the car and hit the radiator. The radiator was smashed and wrapped around the front of the engine. The dog slid up over the engine and ripped of the carborator and distributor then slamed into the firewall breaking out the front window. There was a bend in the car hood where the dog had hit the hood. After several minutes the other guys all came to take a look at the damage. The dog was still frozen hard as stone and all 4 legs were now broken in several places. The owner of the car made a comment about how he hates dogs and he runs over all the dogs he can. One of the guys with us got mad and started yelling at the car owner about running over the dog on purpose. Thats when we all decided its time to get out of there. Three of us started walking to my car and two of the other guys came along just seconds later while the last guy kept yelling at the car owner about running over the dog on purpose. The 5 of us got into my car and pulled up to the side of the highway and waited for an opportunity to pull out. The last guy saw we were about to leave him and came running and jumped into the the car with us. We drove away leaving the black car and its owner setting along the side of the highway.

x39
12-07-2010, 08:53 AM
Gary, that's one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. You'd have fit right in with the guys I ran with as a kid. Thanks for a good laugh!

BigBoy1
12-07-2010, 12:53 PM
One week before Christmas, I was visiting my sister and she was going to take her children ice skating. It had been years since I had skated and I found a pair of my old skates from high school days. I made one lap around the rink and quite as the skates were too small.

While I watched and waited for my sister and the nieces and nephews to finish skating, I noticed a lady trying to get her daughter to stop skating and come home. The girl was screaming and fighting with her mother as she tried to get her off the rink and remove her skates. At the time I had a full white beard and being rather rotund, I approached the lady and asked the name of the screaming child. She said her name was Mary. I took my notebook from my pocket and pretend to write her name. I then told the lady that, “I was going to call my brother at the North Pole and have Mary put on the ‘bad girl’ list.” With that, the child became totally silent and stopped fighting with her mother. The mother successfully removed the skates and got her dressed to leave. I watched and the mother was still beaming as she left with the totally docile child. When I returned home and told my wife about the incident, she stated that I probably will cause the child to have years of therapy!

Black Forest
12-07-2010, 01:37 PM
A friend of mine had a very old dog. He went to the store and took his dog with him. He left the dog tied outside the store and went in to shop. Came out a few minutes later and the dog had died. He is not sure what to do. He didn't want to put the dead dog in his car for fear it might relax its bladder and bowels.... So he went back into the store and got a box to put the dog into so he could safely put the dead dog in his nice big Mercedes. He put the dog in the box and then the box in his car trunk. But the lid wouldn't close so he needed to go get some string or rope to tie the lid down. So he goes back in the store and gets his string. When he comes out the box is gone(dog also of course). Someone thought they had got themselves a nice brand new big TV!!!!! Imagine their surprise when they opened up the box and found a dead dog! He called me from the parking lot of the store and was laughing so hard he thought he would pee his pants.

lynnl
12-07-2010, 01:42 PM
This is one of those "...you just had to be there" funnies.

At about age 18 or 19 my best buddy saved enough to buy a "few hundred dollar" car, a 1952 (or thereabouts) Ford 2door. (this was about 1962)
It was actually a pretty good car for that price, but still rough enough that he had no qualms about taking it "off road" to reach desireable swimming holes or good fishing spots. Plus, he was the type of happy-go-lucky guy that just loved trying something new and different. The more bizarre, the better, in his view.

One day he and I were doing just that, driving thru the woods enroute to a nice swimming spot on a creek a couple of miles off the main road. In some spots the trees were fairly sparse, but as we got closer to the creek it became more thickly wooded. He was probably going about 10 mph, or less, since the ground was pretty rough, and also covered with thick weeds and small underbrush. Then we came upon a tight gap between two small trees, seemingly spaced apart just enough to squeeze through.

Well folks, those trees were about 2 or 3 inches closer together than they looked. :D We made it in between them ok, but sadly, we never came out the other side. The sheet metal of the fenders and doors sprung in just enough to pass thru, as did the door handles, but the beefier structure just behind the 2 doors grabbed and trapped us VERY securely. Due to the soft ground and grass and weeds, that car was going nowhere! @#%*!

Ever try climbing out the windows of a car through a bunch of briars and underbrush?

Oh..., did I mention that this was before the days when chainsaws were readily available to average homeowners in our neck of the woods.
Did I also mention how long it takes to chop down two trees about 6-8" dia, when you have very limited access to the bottom 6 or so inches of the trunk ...on one side only!

A lesson was learned by two young men on that day. :D

(an added sequel)
Unfortunately all of life's lessons are not learned at one time.

On another, later occasion he and I were going to a regular fishing spot at the lake, on an unimproved road, or trail actually, that was approached on a slight downhill grade. As we neared the water he said "I'm going to save some wear on my brakes" (the car didn't have very good brakes anyway). So he decided he'd just coast to a gentle stop against a small tree, and pushed in the clutch about 5 or 6 ft before a small tree directly in the path ahead.

Well when the front bumper hit the tree, a bit harder than intended, the whole front end apparently sprang back just enough, so the next thing we heard was a sickening "ting, ting, ting" as the fan blade sliced through the bottoms of several of the radiator flues. OOoops! :D

Another lesson learned..

The Artful Bodger
12-07-2010, 02:54 PM
We live in the hill suburbs of Wellington and Wellington makes San Fran. look flat!

We heard an ambulance siren one morning and saw it stop on a steep street across a little valley from us. Two guys got out and rushed into a house and we could see them trying to revive someone in a front bedroom.

While they were working a little white van arrived and the passenger got out and drove the ambulance away.

We were sad to see their efforts in the bed room were in vain and they soon ofter left the house and walked down the path to where they had left the ambulance. You could see the confusion on their faces as they looked up and down the street then started to make their way down hill carrying their equipment and peering into bushes and drop offs along the way looking for their vehicle.

They were hardly out of sight when another ambulance arrived and the same little white van, the ambulance was parked where the first had been then the driver joined his co worker in the van which did a u-turn and drove back up the hill.

Quite some time after that the two ambulance men trudged back up the hill, and of course they were laden with the equipment they had used in the house, they stopped dead and began a furious argument when they saw an ambulance right where they had left theirs.

They got into the ambulance and I saw the driver reach for the radio and although we could not hear them from our distance we could see by the body language and the arm waving that there was some serious words being said on the air waves.

The driver then got out and sat on the verge for a time while his partner got out and tried to calm him down.

Sad, but funny too!

aostling
12-07-2010, 06:47 PM
[deleted] My mistake, I though you were talking about a neighborhood you lived in as a boy.

sasquatch
12-07-2010, 07:32 PM
Ok, Back a lot of years ago, a few of us were out around midnight in my buddies winter beater 61 pontiac, we called "Beige Beauty",,,Totally rusted out but she ran great!!
Tired of criusing around town, we took a short spin out of town down a back road listening to the radio,, when we passed a gravel pit that the gate was always locked, BUT,, that night it was wide open.
Being curious, we stopped and drove in, and spotted a vehichle parked over in a corner of the pit. As we approached the car the headlights were noticed by the occupants,,,and when we got close,, much to our surprise was a women, (whose hubby we knew, ) as he was a member of the legal profession,,, AND along with this woman,, were two hockey players from town!!!
Ok, so we left them alone, and driving back out of the pit, at the gate we noticed the padlock hanging there!!!!
One guy jumped out, we closed the gate and LOCKED IT!!!!
Then parked down the road a bit in the dark to watch what happened!!
Soon out comes the car and Suddenly, they see the gate CLOSED!!!
Out they get pulling on the gate, nope!Not goin to open!!
Open the trunk of the ladies car, and trying a tire bar, and hammer to break the lock,, still no go!! The lady panicky now, grabbed a handsaw out of the trunk, and actually tried to SAW the chain apart!!
Suddenly lights were comming down the rode so we took off, drove around a few miles then came back,,, AND THEY WERE GONE!!
Gate was locked again.
We figure the owner of the pit who lived close by forgot to lock it, and hearing a noise over there, or seeing lights in his pit, came back and found these three locked in there!!!
We laughed our asses off over that the rest of the night, and for nighta later!!

x39
12-07-2010, 08:15 PM
When I was ayoung man in the seventies, my good friend had a 1962 Chevy II convertable he'd built from two $25.00 parts cars. It was quite a ride, with the radio speaker being one stolen from a drive-in attached to a cord about six feet long, and burned oil to the extent he carried used oil as previously mentioned. Anyway, one day I was riding shotgun as we were cruising along and, craving sustenance, we decided to hit a burger place. To get to the entrance we had to turn right onto a side street, then immediately right again into the parking lot, making for a long sweeping turn. As we were turning, I was looking in the direction we were headed and was saying something to my buddy. When he didn't respond I looked to my left and noticed he was no longer behind the wheel, despite the fact the car was still moving. I looked down and discovered the door had opened and he had fallen out of the car and was dragging along the pavement trying to get back in. I've always had a pretty twisted sense of humor, and at the immediate moment it struck me as one of the funniest things I'd ever seen, to the extent I was laughing so hard it was all I could do to stop the vehicle. For some reason my buddy didn't find it as humorous as I did. I'll never forget the faces of the people in the burger joint looking out the windows at the spectacle. No harm done, my friend was wearing a very heavy duty horse hide jacket which saved him a nasty road rash. He used to carry the title in the glove box, and ultimately the car puked while he was driving it. He left it on the side of the road with the title signed, walked away and never saw it again.

RB211
12-07-2010, 09:23 PM
I was reviewing ILS procedures with a student in a cherokee 140. Flying outbound on the localizer per the approach plate for the published missed, a Beechcraft Baron flew right past our wingtips, same altitude, about 25 yards away. I quickly looked at the radio's and noticed the problem...
Nothing like a near mid air when both aircraft are following the same localizer, the same altitude, in opposite directions! Just glad it wasn't a large jet.

GNO
12-07-2010, 09:47 PM
I use to run a hay auction,one afternoon as we were swapping stories, the fellow came up w/ this one. seems him and a partner were picking up expired animals and had picked up a frozen cow and as I remember, I think beer was involved also. They decided to stop at a friends house,who wasn't home.So they decided a little humor was in order,pulled the frozen cow out of the trailer & leaned it up against the front door !!!!!!!!!!!!

gary350
12-07-2010, 10:40 PM
That story about the cow reminds me of another story. About 25 years ago I worked with a guy that was building a deck. Every day at work he told everyone about the progress on the new deck. Finally after about 2 weeks the deck was finally finished. The following week all he talked about was needing furniture for the new deck. He and his family went out of town that weekend so I decided it would be funny to play a joke on him. There was an illegal dump about a mile from town with lots of old chairs, old sofas, old tables, lots and lots of worthless used stuff. I loaded my truck with all the furniture it could haul and arranged all that furniture real nice on his new deck. Monday he came to work all he could talk about was how suprised they were to come home and find their new deck filled with furniture, chairs, table, etc, lots of old used junk furniture.

x39
12-07-2010, 11:17 PM
In the late seventies a good friend of mine was outfitting a bike shop outside of Washington, DC. One afternoon he asked me to help him pick up a truck load of 2x4s at the lumber yard. As usual, this involved adult beverages, and before long and several bars later it was well after mid-night. We had a mutual friend who managed and lived above a 24 hour x-rated movie theater in DC, and we decided we'd play a joke on him. We parked the truck full of lumber in front of the theater and started carrying boards in and stacking them neatly on the floor of the lobby. The guy at the counter asked what the hell we were doing and we told him our friend had ordered the lumber, at which time the counter man called upstairs, waking our friend and asking him what he should do. A few minutes later our friend was downstairs asking us what we were up to. We kept on bringing in boards and said "You called us earlier and asked us to pick up this lumber for you, don't you remember?". He denied having asked us to do this, but we insisted he had (still stacking lumber), to the point he began to doubt himself. He was starting to get really perplexed and had a look of complete bewilderment on his face, even asking us "I called you and asked you to do this? Are you sure?" before we finally couldn't keep a straight face anymore.

darryl
12-08-2010, 02:13 AM
When we were kids we used to stand on opposite sides of the road and make it look like we were about to yank a rope tight. Each of us had a short piece of rope in our hands, just standing there with the rope touching the ground. Drivers wouldn't know what to do- some would screech to a stop and we'd run off.

One day we decided to string some fishing line across the road, 100 lb test it was. We were hiding in the bushes, and we would have stopped anyone riding a bike or whatever, if they were in danger of being decapitated- In any event, a car came along and the windshield wipers flew right off. It was funny at the time, and a few minutes later we went to a cafe nearby. There was the guy, telling the owner how his windshield wipers had just flown off the car.

We used to hang out on the front steps of the restaurant and watch cars wipe out in the winter. There was a small creek across the street that overflowed the drain when it was frozen up. The water would wash across the street and freeze. This was on a bit of a corner. Cars would come along, and the driver would look towards us just before hitting the ice. The car would do a 180 and end up in the parking lot of the restaurant. My friend would always make some comment, like 'can't you drive?'

This same friend- we were out one night, having had several beers, etc. The car we were in was being driven by the underage brother of the girl who owned it. Ten of us were in the car, and we got pulled over- right into the parking lot of the police station as it turned out. There was a mad scramble in the front seat as the girl switched places and got behind the wheel. The cop saw that of course, but we all denied it. So he got us all out of the car, lined us up, and began taking names. Another officer came out and was helping him. When it came to my friend, the cop asked for his name. Ed. The cop said 'how do you spell that'- Well, Ed freaks out, yells at the cop 'EEE DEE ya fool, what's wrong with you, can't you spell!' So they yank him out of line and take him inside. They called his parents. While they are hassling the rest of us, his dad shows up, sees all of us and says 'where is he- gimme a rope I'll hang the bastard! Nothing else to do but crack up- we were rolling on the ground. They let us go.

We're out driving on the icy roads one day, probably about six of us in the corvair. We got pulled over. The officer said 'can I see your licence and registration. Mark says nope! Whaddys mean nope, says the cop. Mark says don't got one! Then he starts rolling the window up and says 'see ya!' and starts driving away. The cop has hold of the door handle and is sliding along on his shoes on the slippery road. We're checking out the speedo to see how fast he's going. Mark yells through the window, 'hey, I got you up to 30 miles an hour!'. That's when he let go. He came to a stop still on his feet, about 1/4 mile from his car.

Got pulled over another time, different car, Mark driving again. Ten of us in the car. Same thing, licence and registration. Nope says Mark. Officer gets frustrated, asks whos car is this- Mark was truthful- my grandfathers car. 'Does he know you have it?' asks the cop. Mark says, 'oh, he don't care if I take it out'. The cop didn't know what to do. He asks 'what's in the trunk?' Just a bunch of feet, says Mark. 'Let's have a look'- The only way ten of us could fit in that car was with the back of the back seat taken out, and our feet all in the trunk. So that's what the officer sees, just a bunch of feet. He doesn't know what to do, so he says 'get this thing home' and lets us go.

We had a favorite party shack, the grandfathers abandoned house. We're on our way up there one night in the back of a pickup truck. Lots of us. One guy drops his radio out the back of the truck. He's yelling to the driver (Ed) hey go back for my radio. So Ed turns around, takes aim for the radio and runs over it. The guy is freaking out- Ed yells out the window to him 'we don't need it now'- For the next ten minutes all we hear is 'my radio---my radio'

Hope I'm not hogging all the space here- one more. We partied hearty at the shack one night, until it's time to go. I have the only vehicle, so we fill it up with bodies and make the rounds to everyones house. Ed is with me, and we are wondering if we should just leave everyone else there- haha, they're stranded, haha- but we go back and get the rest of them. Next morning the fire marshal gets about six of us together and we go up to the shack. The place has burned right to the ground. All that's left is four neat rows of beer bottles, the two cases that we hadn't drank. They were down in the crawl space, through a trap door in the floor- our 'cooler'. Turns out someone had thrown a propane cylinder into the wood stove, which we had well stoked that night. The stove was in pieces laying around the yard, and debris was strewn probably 200 ft in every direction. It was the end of the shack, but not our partying- we found another abandoned building, but it was never the same again.

Weston Bye
12-08-2010, 05:42 AM
Back in the '70s my folks and 2 other couples went to Detroit for a night on the town, where they all had a lot to drink. On the way back, while waiting at a red light in a small town near home, one of the men in the back seat got sick and projectile vomited - coincidently - onto the hood of a police car in the next lane. My dad was driving and saw this so he just pulled over and waited for the cop to fall in behind. When the officer walked up to the car Dad realized that he and the officer knew each other. The conversation went like this: "Where ya been, Bill?" "Partying." "Where ya going?" "Home." "Good idea."

sasquatch
12-08-2010, 06:04 AM
Back about forty some years ago, a bunch of us used to hang out at night at a sunoco gas station and garage were a few of us would be workin on our cars.
After closing, we,d send someone for some coffees, and sit outside talkin and watchin the traffic.
During those years the local cops had a nightly beat were they,d patrol, and also stop at each business every few hours to see if the doors were secure.
Noticing that a very unfriendly cop was on duty that night, and that he,d soon be stopping at the business across the street, one of us who lived close tore back to his house and scooped up a great big dog turd from his pet lab.
Hurrying back we slipped across the street and smeared this fresh dog **** over the door knob.
Ok,, here now comes Mr. tough cop in the cruiser, gets out and grabs ahold of the door knob to give it a check,, then stops, pulls his hand back, looks at it , then rubbing it between his fingers, actually smells his fingers!!!
Back he goes to the cruiser, climbs in VERY CAREFULLY, and heads off to the police station.(Drivin with one hand!!)
We rolled on the ground laughing at this, wondering, what the other cops at the station thought when they seen him come in to get cleaned up!!
awww, the joys of being young!!!!!!!!!!!!

sasquatch
12-08-2010, 06:16 AM
Another one:

In our early teens, saturday nights we,d head up town on our bikes, and stay out till 1-2am or so.
That was the time the hotels closed so we,d see a bunch of drunken drivers at times headin home ,,-(You drove home in those days even if you were hammered.)
There was a hotel at the bottom of a very steep hill on the main street, and occaisionaly, we,d hide by a hedge at the top of that hill , and when a patron left the hotel at closing time, we,d roll old car tires down the hill heading straight at the poor guy.
The brake stops, and fancy steering to miss those tires were just hilarious!!!
Besides tires, a couple of times we also rolled a pumkin we,d stole down that hill at these guys, plus at least two shopping carts that had been left out overnight.

aboard_epsilon
12-08-2010, 07:58 AM
not a story but a picture

this happend in north wales yesterday ..

look closly at what it says on the side of the wagon ..
"ease congestion"

http://images.icnetwork.co.uk/upl/dailypost/dec2010/6/0/pics-image-6-31655277.jpg

all the best.markj

A.K. Boomer
12-08-2010, 08:56 AM
Besides tires, a couple of times we also rolled a pumkin we,d stole down that hill at these guys, plus at least two shopping carts that had been left out overnight.


I was a terrible kid growing up --- we used to raid gardens that people toiled to make nice and throw tomatoes at cars --- tomatoes led to eggplants and then we moved on to bigger things like zuccinni and that inevitably led to small pumkins --- I always had to take things a step further with the gang and ended up hiding in a bush right next to this road that was posted 45mph, I had a medium sized pumkin that I could not throw but could shot-put --- a lady came by and my timing was impeccable, I launched it right threw her front grill and we instantly heard a breach of the cooling system (or A/C).

This story isn't funny - it's how out of control we and esp. I was --- Im glad I it didn't go through her front windshield and kill her... After that one we all did realize just how serious and out of hand things were getting and we cooled are jets.

On a lighter note to do with shopping carts we used to show up at K-mart at 2 in the morning (drunk) and I would hang out the side window of my friends car with both arms attached to a shopping cart and he would get up to 70mph and go right by a light pole and I would push the cart off and duck inside the car at the last split second --- we wrapped some carts around some poles for sure --- still an idiot --- but I'll never forget the sound of those little wheels at 70 mph, all 4 of them just kinda going glglglglggglglglglgllglglglglglglggl and vibrating all over the place...

Cobbler
12-08-2010, 11:17 AM
When I was in high school, the bowling alley in our one-horse-town caught on fire and was basically gutted. A friend of mine and I took it upon ourselves to conduct some "scientific experiments" with the bowling balls (easy access after the fire).

The first experiment consisted of tossing a bowling ball from the roof of a two story down-town building (the bank actually). A bowling ball hitting the sidewalk behaves much the same as a golf ball dropped on a sidewalk... just on a much larger scale.

The next experiment was to toss a bowling ball up into the air from the bed of a speeding pickup truck. Lesson learned, Newton's first law of motion. If you throw a bowling ball straight up from the rear of a speeding pickup, the bowling ball is also speeding and gravity will pull it right back down into the bed of the truck.

The final experiment also dealt with Newtonian physics. By this time it is about 2 in the morning and we drove to a neighboring town with a long sloping hill which leads into town. At the top of this half mile long hill, with my friend driving the posted 45 MPH speed limit, I leaned out the passenger's window and "bowled" the ball down the hill. The hill has a gentle curve to the left all the way down and the ball would roll down the hill, against the curb, bounce back onto the road and continue down the hill. We chased it until the car got up to 70 MPH then watched the ball accelerate away from us, finally leave the road, take out a city park sign and disappear into the river at the bottom of the hill.

To this day, I still like to conduct "scientific experiments" with bowling balls...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_mMUUtTQeA

gary350
12-08-2010, 01:14 PM
Years ago I bought a real bowling ball and real wooden bowling pins at a yard sale for $2. We had friends over an cooked out on the BBQ grill so I set up the bowling pins and got out the ball. Everyone tries to hit the pins but the yards is so bumpy and uneven the ball almost never comes close to the pins from 50 ft away. Everyone is laughing their butt off one person spills his ice tea in his lap and it looks like he wet his pants. Next person steps up and says, watch this I bet I can hit the pins and misses by almost 2 ft and the whole croud goes crazy laughing. We had a lot of fun acting crazy with those bowling pins and ball.


One day about 25 years ago I went to K-Mart early and didn't realize they opened at 9 am instead of 8 am. It was 8:45 an I figure I will just wait no point in going home and coming back again. There is one other car in the parking lot about 50 ft away with a woman setting in the front seat smoking a cigerette. About 9:50 am the woman dumps the ash tray full of cigerette butts out the car window into the parking lot. Wow what a mess must to 200 cigerette butts there and a whole cup of ash. A couple minutes later the K-Mart manager came out the front door with a broom and dust pan and slowly walks toward the womans car. He very slowly swept up the mess the woman made in the parking lot then he threw it through the car window right in the womans face. The woman yelled and flew out of that car screaming and yelling she was going to see him in court, she is going to file a law suit, just kept yelling and yelling and yelling as the manager slowly walked back to the front door, he never looked back, never said one word and went inside. The woman was still standing next to her car yelling. She yelled for 2 or 3 more minutes.

My grandparents lived in the country and they had about 20 cats and 1 dog. You could set your watch by the mail man he arrived exactly the same time every day. It was a hot summer day my cousin caught one of the cats and put it inside the mail box and shut the door about 10 minutes before the mail man arrived. I suppose that black mail box in the sun was probably pretty hot inside. I think the cat had his claws dug in and was just waiting to leap out because then the mail man opened the mail box door that cat came flying out like a guided missle. The cat ran right across the mail mans chest and out the window on the opposite side of the car. It scared the mail man so bad he nealy had a heart attach.

The Artful Bodger
12-08-2010, 01:44 PM
....deleted by me, double post.........

The Artful Bodger
12-08-2010, 01:45 PM
We never did anything dangerous not really when we were kids but when we were really young we did like the 'fell off the back of a truck' gag.

This involved placing a package or something that might have fallen off a truck in the middle of a main road, fast traffic but only a car ever few minutes.

Obviously the cars would come wizzing by, driver sees the package and brakes to pick it up while the pranksters haul on the string that drew the package into the bushes.

You can imagine how much fun we had doing that.

sasquatch
12-08-2010, 07:25 PM
My now deceased buddie who was all of 4ft 2in, worked at a tune up shop.
Again, the local cops in those days patrolled a beat with a cruiser checking to see that business doors were secure.
Now the cop on duty that night had given my buddie a few tickets in the past weeks, and he was pretty Pi**ed at that cop.

Again late one sunday night he had a plan, and needed us to drop him off then be sure to pick him up.

Hiding, he waited for the cop to get out of his cruiser to check the doors of the tune up shop were he worked, and when the cop walked around the back to check that door, he jumped into the cruiser, (the cop used to just leave it running, while doing his check with the door open,) floored it out of there drove it about a mile into a very muddy old trail and just buried it up to the axel!!
We picked him up as planned laughing our guts out, and then sat down the street watching the other cruisers driving all over trying to find their missing cruiser!!
They finally found it the next day!!!!

sasquatch
12-08-2010, 07:37 PM
Back in the early sixties the police cruisers they purchased were just a basic vehichle, small v-8 , 2 barrel, so were very easy to loose if one was being chased. Cops then, at least in my area had no pursuit training at all, and a number were actually damned poor drivers to be doing that job.
One night my brother and a buddie were rippin around in his dads 58 ford pick up,squealin the tires a bit etc, when they came upon a new cop, that we,d noticed was very timid, and never drove quickly etc. So when they see him commin they threw thruck back up into second gear and squealed around the corner just after he had passed them. About a block further, and sure enough, here comes the cop, the one single red light on the roof flashing, in pursuit now, but not really pushing it.
They took off, and actually lost him twice, and had to go back and get him to chase them again!!!

sasquatch
12-08-2010, 07:54 PM
"Quick Thinking and Nieve Cop":

Again back in the 60,s, i had a 56 chevy pick up with an Oldsmobile engine i,d put in it to give er a little more "Snort".
Saturday night pulling out of the local drive-in restaurant, i let er go, doing a bit of a burn out to impress the buddies and girls at the restaurant, and , CRAP!! Right in front of a COP!!!
He slams his brakes on, lights flashing, i quickly pulled over the instant i,d seen him, shut off the engine, jumped out and threw open the hood, and the cop approached giving me hell for the drivin display,, and i apologized and acted real upset, that my gas pedal had stuck open as the return spring had fell off.!!!
Well this cop looks at me and then says, dumbly,,, oh,,, oh, ok. I said it,s ok now,(-i was pretending to have put it back on securly..) he says again, -ok,, take it easy though , i,d get a new one though.
i assured him i certainly would!!!

x39
12-08-2010, 10:02 PM
Here's one with some actual shop content. In the early eighties I was working in the toolroom of a pretty big factory. It was housed in an old mill building, and it was oppressively hot in the summer. In the course of my travels I had acquired a can of aerosol "Fart Spray", which stunk like the most foul pig yard imaginable. One hot day in the toolroom there was a guy across the shop running a milling machine. There were these big industrial fans set up pushing the humid air around, one pointed right at him from about thirty feet away. My buddy and I were working at a bench near the back side of the fan. We decided to give the old boy a little squirt of Fart Spray, snuck up to the fan and gave it a little spritz then quickly sat down again. A few seconds later we hear "What's that smell?", we looked up at the guy and shrugged our shoulders and he went back to work. A few minutes later we gave him another spray. This time he shut the machine off and was looking around his immediate area for the source of the offending odor. Not finding it, he went back to work. At this point, my buddy and I almost had tears running down our cheeks stifling our laughter. We gave one more spray. Again he shuts off the machine, this time he actually started sniffing his own armpits. When he did this we completely lost it, we were on our knees laughing. The guy got so mad he punched out, went home, and wouldn't speak to either of us for over a week.

Bill736
12-08-2010, 10:39 PM
Back in the mid 1960s, three of us high school kids found a 1954 Dodge in a car lot with a 241 cubic inch "Red Ram" hemi engine in it. We wanted to fix it up for a "match race" with three other guys who had bought an identical car. The salesman at the used car lot wanted to sell us the car, but we were underage . So, we set out to find an adult who would sign for the car. We stopped at a local fishing canal, and asked an elderly man fishing with a cane pole if he wanted to earn a dollar. He said "sure, I'll earn a dollar" ! So we drove him back to the used car lot, where , with a slow and shaking hand, he scribbled out his name on the car title. The car salesmen saw our little scheme, and were nearly rolling on the floor laughing. We then took the elderly gentleman back to his fishing spot, paid him his dollar, and drove our 1954 Dodge Red Ram back home. It burned so much oil that we looked like the mosquito fogger going down the road. We pulled the engine, and bought a gasket set and some Burd Super Expander piston rings from the JC Whitney catalog. Alas, graduation time soon came, and the project halted . The last time I saw the Dodge, it was abandoned in an old trailer park, turned upside down on it's roof.

gary350
12-08-2010, 11:13 PM
When I was in high school before I had my license to drive a friend bought a used 1955 chevy and needed help getting it home because it had no motor and no transmission. So six of us all went to get the car. All 6 of us pushed the car along the street while my friend steered the car through the driver side window as we all pushed. We had pushed the car several blocks when we came to a hill. It was down hill for 3 block then up hill for 3 blocks. There was a stop sign at the bottom of the hill. We got the car going then we all jumped in and road. We decided if no one is coming on the cross street then we will not stop at the stop sign so we can use what speed we have to go as far as we can up the other hill. We ran that stop sign and coasted up the hill until the car had almost stopped then we all jumped out to start pushing again only to discover a police car pulling up behind us. We reached the top of the hill and stopped pushing. The police officer said, you ran that stop sign and the car has no license plates. My friend told the cop, we are pushing the car because it has no motor. The cop gave us this look like, yea right, then he said, I saw you all riding in the car you didn't start pushing the car until I arrived, I think I have heard every excuse in the book but this takes the cake. So we said take a look for yourself so we raised the hood. The cop looked and was totally suprised to see no motor and no transmission either. So then the cop asked, how much farther do you boys have to push this thing. We told him about 10 more blocks. The cop followed us all the way to my friends house and watched until we had the car parked in the driveway. The cop drove away didn't give my friend a ticket or anything.

vpt
12-09-2010, 08:16 AM
This guy has a funny story for us to enjoy. http://wausau.craigslist.org/cto/2102798511.html

hardtail
12-09-2010, 10:57 AM
Back in the 70's my cousin and his buddies would go out to the rock bars to party, his buddy's driving home one night after the bar closed and his friend says watch this and heads his car right for the white round road markers.....they are asking what he's doing just as he hits them and they start folding under the car like dominos......he starts laughing and tells them the new ones are made of plastic......

Guy in the back seat thinks thats pretty funny and heads out with a different crew the next weekend......gets them all loaded up and heading home on a different road and pulls the same stunt......except these ones where metal filled with cement......made a good attempt at cutting the car in half by the time they stopped........

hardtail
12-09-2010, 11:02 AM
Same cousin used to rent a house on the last row of development in the city......seems their neighbour was into RC planes and would be out flying them usually every Sunday morning behind his house......well they had usually partied pretty hard on Sat night and where getting sick of the noise so they stayed relatively sober one Sat night and his buddy was into model rocket and after the neighbour went to bed they dug a few holes and hid the rockets in the field.....the next morning when the neighbour was flying his plane they would launch a rocket when it came near the location.....guess the first launch almost caused the guy to crap himself......

sasquatch
12-09-2010, 06:53 PM
Great stories guys, !!!!!!!

Back many years ago,(like around the early 50,s,) my father who had quite a temper and was a mechanic, had a little narrow frame garage rented with a single old greasy pit to work out of.
A young guy who was hanging around there quite a bit wanted also to become a mechanic so the old man hired him.
Late one afternoon, a customer came in with a jeep, that the clutch was gone,, but he needed it like "Right Now" -by tommorrow morning.
Ok, the old man said yeah they,d have to work half the night, but they,d get a new one and stay up and change it for him.
Ok, they got the new clutch before the supplier closed, put off supper, and started to work.
By around midnight or a bit after they had it changed and the old man asked the young guy if he,d put the throw out bearing in the right way, and "yup" for sure.
Anyway, on startup it wouldn,t work, and upon investagation the old man discovered that the throw out bearing was in backwards, and blew his Top!!
The young guy took off up out of the pit, with the old man right behind him, out onto the street, the old man cursing him, and got a good kick in his arse before they young guy got away and headed running for home.
After two days the young guy came back, and ended up being a very good mechanic for the rest of his life.
The old man when talking about this in later years, chuckling then,, always said he could still hear that young guys boots hitting the pavement just a running.

sasquatch
12-09-2010, 07:01 PM
The same young guy i just mentioned was quite a practical joker, and the old garage had one gas pump that he also looked after between learning his mechanic trade.
An old man probably in his late eighties used to come in there regularly driving i think about a 29 hudson car,for gas, and ALWAYS had his tire pressure checked, battery level and a bunch of other little things he wanted done each time for nothing.
The old guy always had a wind up alarm clock on his dash to keep track of his daily route.
While this old guy was inside paying for his gas the young guy set the alarm to go off in about 1 minute.
The old guy fired up the hudson and reving the engine just got out onto the road, when the alarm went off scaring the hell out of him and causing a panic stop, while the old man and young guy watched out the door laughing at this performance.

Bill736
12-09-2010, 08:04 PM
Continuing with the car theme, I can't resist telling a story about my dad . This was back in the depression days, when money was tight, and normally honest folk would bend the rules a bit if it meant putting food on the table. There was a car dealer who had promised a certain minimum amount of money for any car that ran. As luck would have it, the car dealer was at the bottom of a long hill . My dad and his friends managed to get their junk car, with no engine, to the crest of the hill, and then they coasted downhill right into the car lot, with the lot owner watching. They got their payment for a car that apparently ran, and then they also ran !

darryl
12-09-2010, 08:31 PM
Before any of our group had licences to drive, we used to hang out at a local burger joint. Cheeseburgers were 35 cents then, and you could easily eat two or three since there wasn't much to them. After taking up a collection, it turned out we could afford 30 of them. So a couple of us took the money in and ordered 30 cheeseburgers. The clerk wasn't having any of that- no way the two of us were going to eat 30 burgers. Took awhile, but we gave the money and the cook started to cook.

There was about a dozen of us who had put money in, so it was a couple burgers each, maybe give some to the cheapskates if we got full- I guess we were making a bit of noise, and there were probably 30 people there altogether.

Somebody decided that there were too many of us there and called the cops. They showed up and did their best to disperse us, but we were waiting to get all the burgers we had paid for and didn't want to leave. Then one guy, Buckie, started running across the parking lot towards one of the police cars. I didn't see it at first, but I heard someone say 'Buckie, what're you doin?'- and turned just in time to see the cherry get kicked off one of the cop cars, and Buckie running down the hood and off into the night. Not much they could do with us, we were legitimate customers, having paid and gotten our food. We just sat there and ate while the cops were trying to get people into the cop cars. They got a few and took them downtown, but they couldn't hold them for anything and they were back an hour later. What a hoot!

Our little town had an army base right there. We used to sneak into the obstacle course and do the circuit- hand over hand across ropes over a sewer pit, underground tunnel maze, rope bridges, net climb- it was kinda fun. The MPs would see us sometimes, but we always got away. There was a short time when we could requisition stuff from the stores, but they soon caught on to that. Didn't get any jeeps or anything, but we got rope, mine tape, got a bunch of flares one time. That was fun. I'm sure if we'd asked for ammo a warden officer would have been right there-

The MPs had only so much jurisdiction outside of the base proper, and for civilian 'disturbances' they had to call in the police. We managed a few disturbances over the years-

sasquatch
12-09-2010, 08:37 PM
Most of my family members have always enjoyed practical jokes, so here,s another one.

a number of years ago my now deceased oldest son and i and a few other friends were at a local coffee shop having a coffee and a visit with a few laughs. This was at night, and the parking lot was quite dark.
My oldest son and a buddy stepped out for some fresh air, and when they came back inside they were both just grinning about something.
Backed up against the outside wall of the building were one police cruiser, and , one dept of hiways pickup truck. These two drivers were also in the building together having a late night snack.
My son seeing an opportunity for a joke, had taken a screw driver he carried on his key chain, and switched both rear licence plates on the cruiser and the hiway pickup.
For years we wondered how long it took to discover these were the wrong plates, and the puzzled conversation about how the heck this happened!

im#2
12-09-2010, 11:13 PM
Back in the early 60's my younger brother and i got lucky and bought a hot 47 ford with a stick shift. Remember the round shape of cars then? Well in a burst of brilliance my brother and three friends decide they could make it through the old below level silo trench that was out at the old farm! WEll it had 10 yrs of tumble weeds blown in it and was 200 ft long & 10 ft wide, but they were young and daring! Got almost half way through and stalled! they had a hell of a time crawling out of the windows and through all those packed weeds and we had to get a long chain and a big tractor to pull it out.
Ok foreward about a month and they rolled it after a coyote and broke all the glass and one door wouldnt close so we torched the top and doors and run her open top for about a year. Lacking brake fluid one day they used oil and ruined the brakes so we sold the engine/tranny for more than we had given almost 2 yrs before!

gary350
12-09-2010, 11:48 PM
When I was 4 years old we lived in central Illinois the winters were very cold. My father bought a different car and the heater did not work. I remember riding in the car in the winter it was so cold my teeth would chatter. There was lots of snow and wind it was very cold. My father removed the back seat and put a coal stove in the back with the stove pipe sticking out the window on the passanger side. When he got up in the morning to go to work first thing he did was go out and start a fire in the stove. After breakfast he took off for work in that car I can still remember that big cloud of black smoke coming out the back window as he drove away.

JMcTool
12-11-2010, 04:27 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sn4WF7z8__4

Quoted from the YouTube video:

The story goes like this:

Several years ago, Rockwell International decided to get into the heavy duty transmission business. We were getting ready to tape our first introduction video, as a warm up, the professional narrator began what has become a legend within the trucking industry. This man should have won an academy for his stellar performance. Now remember this is strictly off the cuff, nothing is written down, this became the biggest talk in the industry, vs our new product which we were introducing. I think you will enjoy this once in a lifetime performance from this gentleman.

Enjoy.

Jim
Easily distracted by shiny objects.

lynnl
12-11-2010, 11:51 AM
Yeah I agree JMcTool. :D
I've seen that Turbo Encabulator pitch several times, and it never ceases to be funny.

Here's another classic that's always good for a laugh:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMlg31-1MRk

JMcTool
12-12-2010, 05:51 PM
Thanks, lynnl. I'd forgotten about all the great Johnny Carson sketches on YouTube. I especially like the Carnac The Magnificent stuff and some of the sales pitches.

Jim

fixerdave
12-15-2010, 10:52 PM
Anyway, in keeping with the confessions of teenage sin... here's mine.

My first car was a 2-tone (faded stock with spray-can touch-ups over the rust) piss-yellow '71 Pinto that came with a 1600cc engine powering (if you could call it that) way too much steel. The rule in driving such things is to never, ever slow down. Speed is life, as they say. I hated that car. One good thing about it, though, was that it was so low to the ground that it wouldn't roll (seriously, we tried), and with the crappy tires I ran it would slide sideways real nice. All it took was a twitch of the steering and a tap on the brakes and it was sliding sideways... did that a lot, got pretty good at it actually.

My favorite place to practice this little maneuver was the entrance to my local college. Every morning I would fly down the road at full acceleration (not that that's saying much in a Pinto) until I was nearing the left-turn into the parking lot. A twitch and a tap, and I'm sliding sideways up until the entrance where I would hit the gas which, somehow, converted my sideways momentum back into forward and I'd hit the entrance curb with enough speed to get an inch or so of air. All good fun.

Well, one day, after semester break, I was heading for my first class... twitch, tap, slide, hit the gas... and wouldn't you know there was a ticket booth there in the entrance to the parking lot with a guy handing tickets out the little window. Well, all I remember is him jumping back into the booth, holding his little ticket, as I literally flew (okay, only an inch) by into the lot. I don't know who's heart was beating faster, his or mine. I didn't ask him. I drove to the other end of the lot, hopped the curb, and left by a pedestrian walkway to beat it home... rode my bike for the rest of the semester.

I'll never forget the look on that guy's face... probably looked like mine. I bet he still breaks out into a nervous sweat at the sight of a Pinto.

Black_Moons
12-15-2010, 11:36 PM
I was a terrible kid growing up --- we used to raid gardens that people toiled to make nice and throw tomatoes at cars --- tomatoes led to eggplants and then we moved on to bigger things like zuccinni and that inevitably led to small pumkins

As a former Zuccinni plant owner, I can tell you, You did the zuccinni growers a favor. You plant one zuccinni and you have enough zuccinni for all your friends.. Every time they come over... As you invite them over twice a week.. For more zuccinni.

The other gardeners where likey not as amused.

TGTool
12-15-2010, 11:48 PM
As a former Zuccinni plant owner, I can tell you, You did the zuccinni growers a favor. You plant one zuccinni and you have enough zuccinni for all your friends.. Every time they come over... As you invite them over twice a week.. For more zuccinni.

The other gardeners where likey not as amused.

I well remember back in the sixties when a lot of the counterculture folks were in back to the land mode. I had a back alley shop where folks stopped by to hang out and visit. One of the guys had planted a garden that year, probably for the first time and came in one day all excited. His garden was an outstanding success and he'd just seen through more of the lies and BS the establishment was handing the real people. When you go to a grocery store all they've got are these little dinky zucchinis, but when you grow your own you get the REAL thing and he'd brought along some green baseball bats to prove it. IIRC, the rest of us kind of looked at each other with that "Is anybody going to tell him?" look and I don't think anybody spoke. :rolleyes:

toolmaker76
12-16-2010, 10:39 AM
There was a commercial on tv, can't remember who for, where a street vendor would hawk, "Strawberries.....Cherries!"

I was with one of my cousins, and we laid claim to our grandfather's fish house- this was in Minnesota, a little building that they pull onto the ice and fish from in the winter. This was early fall, and it was still parked in Grandpa's back yard. It had a little window in it mounted sideways- you could open and close it, but you had to move it horizontally instead of vertically.

Part of my cousin's conquest of the fish house was to antagonize my other cousin- his younger brother- about it. This was done by yelling insults and spitting from the window- until my younger cousin finally decided to make use of the leftover rotten tomatoes in Grandpa's backyard garden. He would hurl tomatoes at his brother while the window was open. I suppose because it was fruit, my older cousin adopted the chant, "Strawberries....Cherries!" At which point he would duck his head back inside and shut the window in order to avoid the splat of the next rotten tomato.

The younger cousin's aim and timing was getting better with each throw, to the point where the previous chants were scarcely made before retreat was necessary. We decided we needed to improve our tactic. I would man the window, my older cousin would make the chant and duck back in, and I would shut the window as he pulled his head back inside.

Unfortunately, I saw the tomato coming before my cousin did, and the next chant went, "Strawberries....Cher....ack!....Splat!" I saw the tomato first, slid the window shut on my older cousin's neck- interrupting the chant, and holding his head in place for the next rotten tomato to splat dead center on his forehead! Good intentions, bad plan!