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Evan
03-18-2011, 05:38 AM
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:

1.. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2.. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3.. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4.. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5.. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6.. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7.. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8.. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9.. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

Your Old Dog
03-18-2011, 07:25 AM
14, 15 and 17 damn near put me on the floor :D Thanks for the early morning chuckle.

SmoggyTurnip
03-18-2011, 07:50 AM
Thank god only 2 percent of society can come up with that stuff.

mooney1el
03-18-2011, 09:01 AM
Way back in the '70's, after turning down the local Mensa group because I didn't want to be associated with "an effete corps of impudent snobs who characterize themselves as intellectuals", I joined Densa. There was a one part test for inclusion: Fill the bath tub with water and note the water level. Sit in the tub, if the water level has risen, then the applicant is a proud member of Densa...of course the criterion may now have changed to lower the standard, I've heard there is actually a test with questions...created by, you guessed it, Mensa members :).

Mike Burdick
03-18-2011, 12:44 PM
godgler - An ordinary person that creates their intelligence, superior persona, and unequaled experience by use of internet search engines.

Ernie
03-18-2011, 12:50 PM
The test I heard of went like this. You're standing next to an old fashion bath tub. You have a spoon, a small pot, and a plastic bucket. What is the best way to empty the tub?


You would pull the plug.
Ernie

winchman
03-18-2011, 01:45 PM
I was invited to a MENSA meeting years back, and I took my then-girlfriend whom I later married. At the door someone handed me a sheet listing the characteristics of the stool that resulted form eating a host of exotic foods. I took one look at the sheet, handed it back, and left.

Whoever said first impressions count....was right.

boslab
03-18-2011, 02:34 PM
the only bathtub test i know that was done was a famous brit murderers affinity with a bathtub, new rich wife and an electric fire.
cant think of a word for it though,
mark

malbenbut
03-18-2011, 02:46 PM
the only bathtub test i know that was done was a famous brit murderers affinity with a bathtub, new rich wife and an electric fire.
cant think of a word for it though,
mark
Ok I'll start this one off with "Sparking champain."

fredf
03-18-2011, 05:15 PM
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.



is it just me or how does this fit requirements, what is the original word???? looks like a combo of Arachno + epileptic fit to me -- thats more than one letter!

alanganes
03-18-2011, 07:07 PM
Number 5, (Bozone...) was stolen from a cartoon called "The far side" by Gary Larson, form the mid-1980's if I recall correctly.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v479/alanganes/HSM_Board/BozoneLayer.jpg

Evan
03-18-2011, 07:59 PM
I doubt any of them are original but they are still funny.

Doc Nickel
03-18-2011, 07:59 PM
Number 5, (Bozone...) was stolen from a cartoon called "The far side" by Gary Larson, form the mid-1980's if I recall correctly.

-Actually, the bulk of the list (there's lots of variants) dates back to the 90s sometime. I clearly remember the "reintarnation" line from one of among the first spam/chain/forwarded emails I ever got, back in the Netscape Navigator days. :D

A quick Google example is this one (http://jefftoren.blogspot.com/2008/04/mensa-list-2008.html) from 2008, which is essentially identical.

They're still humorous, but not new, nor particularly on-topic.

Doc.

John Stevenson
03-18-2011, 08:22 PM
the only bathtub test i know that was done was a famous brit murderers affinity with a bathtub, new rich wife and an electric fire.
cant think of a word for it though,
mark

Doesn't really matter, with the price of electric today you have to put up with the wife because the electric is too expensive ...............sigh.

alanganes
03-18-2011, 08:43 PM
I doubt any of them are original but they are still funny.


True enough, some clever stuff. That one just jumped out at me because I had that particular Larson comic on my wall for years. And that was well before Al Gore was all on about ozone and such.

MrSleepy
03-18-2011, 09:04 PM
Feeces- Being crapped on by ebay.

Forrest Addy
03-18-2011, 09:37 PM
Definitely approprose

Duckmang
03-18-2011, 09:50 PM
Machinochist - One who cuts first and measures second...


Granted it's more than one letter but maybe that's just the machinochist in me.

Evan
03-19-2011, 12:16 AM
alcoaholic: Addicted to machining aluminum

High Speed Steal: Smash and grab tool theft

Semisteal: Borrowing something and "forgetting" to return it.

arc wielding: Criminal Code offense. Using a welder as a weapon.

Barnish: Using rattle can to put a shine on something

Swerf: What you get when you machine blue nylon

Tel
03-19-2011, 06:02 AM
Elkephant, a horny .... ah, you work it out!

Doc Nickel
03-19-2011, 06:25 AM
There are in common use, but might as well put a definition to 'em. :D

Home Despot: What you're stuck with after the big-box stores have run the mom-and-pop hardware stores out of business, and have forced manufacturers to cut corners in order to meet price demands.

Harbor Fright: Both the feeling of impending dread you get just before opening the box, and the sickening disappointment that comes after seeing the actual contents.

Doc.

wheeltapper
03-19-2011, 07:55 AM
is it just me or how does this fit requirements, what is the original word???? looks like a combo of Arachno + epileptic fit to me -- thats more than one letter!


Its an anagram of NARCOLEPTIC with an extra A.
not exactly fitting requirements but good anyway.

Roy

lazlo
03-19-2011, 12:18 PM
Harbor Fright: Both the feeling of impending dread you get just before opening the box, and the sickening disappointment that comes after seeing the actual contents.

Classic! You should make that your .sig :)

Paul Alciatore
03-19-2011, 12:39 PM
Well, what do you know. The Washington Post is good for something.

Thanks for the chuckle: I needed one as I am doing income taxes.

rmcphearson
03-19-2011, 02:30 PM
Refudiate: The act of claiming something to be untrue by a moron who thinks Africa is a country.

boslab
03-19-2011, 03:45 PM
intelligence tests are meaningless, the cleverest people fail them as they seem to display autistic tendancies like aspergers and the like, all an intelligence test seems to prove is how normal you are, ie to conform to the testers ideal person, 1 std deviation encompases about 68% of the tested population, i know mechanical geniuses with iq as a numerical index of 80, so is the test a real indication of intellect, or for the most part a memory test.
my short term memery was destroyed by a stroke caused by clot busting drugs, that does not make me stupid [i did pass a mensa test but cannot now as the test depends on memory not intellect]
is the test a fair indicator, i think not, out of the graduates i train the worst are the ones with a high iq, they are crap at abstract thought and need constant encouragement to do anything, the best ones i get are a little different, odd, eccentric call it what you will but they will shine, mensa members do not, they are by enlarge, dull, boring and conformist, the fact that they think a numerical index can identify intelligence is usually a fair indicator of lack of intelligence.
most of them will happily knife you in the back to get on once they realise that all they are is 'normal'.
give me an autistic savant anyday if i want a problem solved.
excuse my longwinded post but i do not find it easy to write these days.
regards
mark

bob ward
03-19-2011, 05:54 PM
Oencology, the study of growths in wine.

Toolguy
03-19-2011, 09:02 PM
Assaholic - a chronic a$$hole.
Rhinerocity - a measure of how tough something is.
Twink - a tweak with a think.

Weston Bye
03-19-2011, 09:55 PM
Compost, as in "composting a letter"
A missive or BBS post of scatological nature....

...sort of like this one.

Weston Bye
03-19-2011, 09:58 PM
Alien wrench - a device for turning metric socket head cap screws.

Elninio
03-19-2011, 10:21 PM
Lather: Machine that project ... after the football game ...

Evan
03-19-2011, 10:41 PM
Hex wench: That pretty girl that now owns what used to be your house.

boslab
03-20-2011, 08:09 AM
my daughter came up with a gem, there was a pack of false eylashes in the shop with the brand 'fluttering eyelashes'
she misread it and asked what 'sluttering eyelashes' are, just about sums them up i thought
mark

John Stevenson
03-20-2011, 09:06 AM
When my daughter was small and those simple cheap 4 operation calculators had just come onto the market she called them countulators.

mickeyf
03-20-2011, 08:16 PM
Back in the day (10, 15 years ago?) when the WP had "Style Invitational", my favorite was the call for "Unfortunate Advertising Slogans":

1) "Lincoln, a real Cadillac of a car",

and especially

2) "Trojan condoms. It's the one your father used."