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Black Forest
08-09-2011, 07:21 AM
You know you are getting old when......you move the mirror from over the bed to over the dining room table!

You know you are getting old when....it takes you longer to take your medications in the morning than it does to eat breakfast!

You know you are getting old when....you sit on the toilet and can read War and Peace in one sitting!

You know you are getting old when....you realize your arms are too short to read most things!

These are my most obvious observations! Unfortunately they are all true.

Rustybolt
08-09-2011, 08:47 AM
You know you are getting old when....

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You resent people putting up "you know you're getting old when,...." threads.

Black Forest
08-09-2011, 09:20 AM
Sorry RustyBolt!

Carld
08-09-2011, 09:25 AM
Just turned 70 yesterday and I don't know if I am old or not. I'll let you know when I turn 80 if I am old;) .

sasquatch
08-09-2011, 10:07 AM
Many here can relate to this one:

You know your'e getting old, when you get up and can't remember just what day it is,,,and then trying to find things you put away just yesterday,
Or wonder, geez i should phone my old friend, but i can,t remember what i was going to ask him.:D

SGW
08-09-2011, 10:10 AM
...when the most crucial thing to take on a trip is your weekly pill organizer.

JoeFin
08-09-2011, 10:45 AM
When you open up this month's issue of Playboy and think to yourself "Why bother"

Boucher
08-09-2011, 10:46 AM
Never pass up a bathroom and never trust a fart.

Dr Stan
08-09-2011, 11:29 AM
"Old" is simply your current age plus twenty years. :D

Carld
08-09-2011, 11:37 AM
Ye Ha, I'll vote for that Dr Stan. :D

JoeFin
08-09-2011, 12:00 PM
Calling "Doctor Demo"

- I'm sure you have experience on the subject

mechanicalmagic
08-09-2011, 12:22 PM
You know you are getting old when.... You spend more time talking to Dr.'s and nurses, commpared to your best friend.

Scottike
08-09-2011, 12:36 PM
Who ever called them the "Golden Years" had very poor eye sight - they're actually the "Rusty Years".

I'm glad I didn't get old when I was younger - I couldn't have handled it then.

If I had known I would live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.

Arbo
08-09-2011, 12:40 PM
Who ever called them the "Golden Years" had very poor eye sight - they're actually the "Rusty Years".

I'm glad I didn't get old when I was younger - I couldn't have handled it then.

If I had known I would live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.


My father used to say that the only thing golden about his "Golden Years" was his pee.

KiddZimaHater
08-09-2011, 12:46 PM
... when the music you grew up with and love is now referred to as "Oldies". :(

Toolguy
08-09-2011, 01:21 PM
Getting old isn't for sissies!:(

radkins
08-09-2011, 05:54 PM
Well getting old is real drag until you consider the alternative! :eek:

kf2qd
08-09-2011, 10:35 PM
You're gettin old when you realize that those OLD people are your age...

Teenage_Machinist
08-09-2011, 10:52 PM
You're gettin old when you realize that those OLD people are your age...

The time since I took up machining has taken 22% of my life so far, more like 50% of my really aware life. Now I'm about to go to college and I'm surrounded by people doing science who are not much older than me, or even 1-2 years older than me, and who I can relate to pretty well. Relative quantities are relative!

Flying-Phantom
08-10-2011, 12:18 AM
I can remember when I would go to the community pool and notice a cute girl from time to time.
I got married and I would go to the pool with my wife and child and notice another childs mom that had retained a good figure after child birth.
Now if I happen to drive by the pool (because no one should be forced to see me in a bathing suit) I might see a grandmother with a child in the wading pool that looks pretty good. Where did the time go?

doctor demo
08-10-2011, 01:16 AM
Calling "Doctor Demo"

- I'm sure you have experience on the subject

Yeah I've got a lot of experience putting up with you old guys.

Steve

wtrueman
08-10-2011, 01:40 AM
I guess I'm old (64), and an old school teacher. Now I see some of my ex kids with grey or less hair and some of those ex kids are grandparents. I've taught 3 generations. I've lost a lot of my ex kids to .... so feel lucky to see my grandkids almost every day. OLD is how I feel after demounting six truck wheels today! Life is still good this side of the grass. Wayne.

Mike Burch
08-10-2011, 02:05 AM
You ain't old until it takes all night to do once what you once did all night.

1-800miner
08-10-2011, 02:26 AM
When you can't be bothered to pull your belly in when you see a pretty woman.

Weston Bye
08-10-2011, 06:46 AM
I just happened to glance through the obituary notices in the paper this morning and found a fellow who I had crossed paths with about 55 years ago. I was about 6 at the time and this older kid, about twice my age lived down the street. He seemed to get some enjoyment out of coming out the front door if he saw me pass and detain me in the street, threatening physical violence and genrally being a bully.

When I saw when the funeral was to be, I despaired that I couldn't easily forego my usual form of recreation for that time of day, so I resolved to send a nice card to say that I approved of the preceedings. However, reading more deeply into the obit, I saw that maybe reform school had had a desireable influence on this fellow so I didn't bother.

johnnyd
08-10-2011, 10:39 AM
You know you're getting old.......when "Happy Hour"...is a nap!

noah katz
08-10-2011, 01:40 PM
...when you find yourself pondering life's deepest questions, like "Why did I come into this room?"

Arcane
08-10-2011, 01:46 PM
...when you walk around looking for something like a set of keys or the TV remote only to find you have been holding them/it all the time.

Arcane
08-10-2011, 01:47 PM
When you can't be bothered to pull your belly in when you see a pretty woman.
I just rub my belly with both hand so if she looks she can see how dead sexy I am...

Black_Moons
08-10-2011, 02:45 PM
...when you walk around looking for something like a set of keys or the TV remote only to find you have been holding them/it all the time.

I once looked half an hour for a lighter...
It was in my hand. Don't worry though I got over that problem...

Now I own 8 lighters. All the same colour too, just to keep me from looking for any perticular one or noticing when one or two or 5 go missing.

sasquatch
08-10-2011, 07:52 PM
You know your'e getting old When:

You go to make a phone call or answer an incomming call and pick up the TV remote and start talking into it!!!:D

Ian B
08-11-2011, 05:18 AM
Fred Wedlock hit the nail on the head:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kALGhbTxdg

Ian

john hobdeclipe
08-11-2011, 10:02 AM
When everything that should be limber is stiff, and everything that should be stiff is limber.

ricksplace
08-13-2011, 10:27 PM
Old guy sitting on a parkbench looking despondent. Buddy sits down beside him and says "Why the long face John? Didn't you get married a few months ago?"
John: "Yup."
"Wasn't she younger than you?"
"She's 24"
"How old are you?"
"72"
"What's the problem?"
"She is frisky in the morning when she wakes up, frisky when she comes home for lunch, and frisky when we go to bed"
"Gosh, that's awful John."
"No, actually it's wonderful!"
"Then what's the problem, John?"
"I can't remember where I live."

1-800miner
08-14-2011, 10:21 AM
Last week the phone rang in the shop,I say "hello".
Some woman says" Danny,I can't wait to wrap my arms around your tight buns."

I hesitate, then say"This is not Danny's number,but would you copy it down and feel free to call it again...anytime"

I was cheerful all day!

Forrest Addy
08-14-2011, 11:25 AM
You know you're getting old when - you know you're getting old - when you know when you're getting...

You know you're getting old when you gleefully add a half dsozen to the list

You know you're getting older when those "you know you're getting old when.." lists are no longer funny.

You know you're really getting old when these "you know you're getting old when you know you've never seen one before.

RandyZ
08-14-2011, 12:01 PM
When you go back to your old high school and notice all the hot looking babes in the hall ways and then you realize that they are the teachers!

1-800miner
08-15-2011, 08:56 PM
I have two friends about my age and build.
To make ourselves feel better we formed the "potbellied sex symbol club"
Membership is free if you care to join.

jack3140
08-16-2011, 12:37 AM
you know you are getting old when your wet dreams get dry and your farts get wet

saltmine
08-16-2011, 11:30 AM
Three seniors is sitting in the park, one is crying like a baby.

"You know what I miss the most?" one of the guys says," I miss getting up in the morning, and taking a good long whiz."

The guy next to him says,"Yeah, I used to take a good healthy dump every morning. I miss that, too."

The guy who was crying chimed in, "Well guys, every morning, promptly at 5:00 AM, I take a long hard whiz."
He went on, "And every morning at 5:30AM, I have a huge bowel movement." With that he started to whimper again....

"Why, that's great, but why are you crying?" says one guy.

"I'm crying because I usually don't wake up until 6:30AM...." He says.

saltmine
08-16-2011, 12:01 PM
You know you're getting old when......

Most of the kids you went to high school with are either dead or in prison.

whitis
08-16-2011, 07:00 PM
"you are only as old as the woman you feel" -- Groucho Marx

jimmstruk
08-17-2011, 01:06 PM
When your grandkids start having kids.

polepenhollow
08-18-2011, 02:45 AM
I can remember when I would go to the community pool and notice a cute girl from time to time.
I got married and I would go to the pool with my wife and child and notice another childs mom that had retained a good figure after child birth.
Now if I happen to drive by the pool (because no one should be forced to see me in a bathing suit) I might see a grandmother with a child in the wading pool that looks pretty good. Where did the time go?


Irene Ryan,, AKA "Granny Clampett" is starting to look mighty tasty.

K Liv

polepenhollow
08-18-2011, 02:56 AM
I notice too that the good looking ladies are older now.

A young boy was sitting on the curb and crying heavily. His head was lowered and he was sobbing and tearing heavily into his cupped hands.
An "Old Man" was walking by and asked him "What was the matter, son".
The young boy said between sobs that;
"I, I, I can't do what the big boy's do".
"sob, sob"
So the old man sat down and cried with him.

K Liv

lakeside53
08-18-2011, 12:12 PM
When you get to the later half of life, a few white lies can help. Take Bob (name changed to protect the guilty) for example :

Bob, a 70-year-old wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?' Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!' They are knocked over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?' 'I lied about my age', Bob replies. 'What, did you tell her you were only 50?'

Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'

David S Newman
08-18-2011, 03:12 PM
Two elderly men having a drink at the bar, one said to the other "no fun this getting old is it ? I've got aches and pains al over me. His mate replied "I'm like a new born baby, no hair no teeth and I've just sh-t myself.

KIMFAB
08-18-2011, 07:37 PM
When you open up this month's issue of Playboy and think to yourself "Why bother"

I still look but I forget why.

I'd go after her but I'd be arrested for assault with a dead weapon.

old-biker-uk
08-24-2011, 03:38 PM
When you sell motorbikes & buy a ride-on lawn mower. DAMHIK
Mark

Rustybolt
08-24-2011, 03:57 PM
You know you're getting old when...



Your testamonials hang lower than your......................................well. You know what I mean.

The Fixer
08-24-2011, 04:14 PM
but you can remain immature forever! lol