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View Full Version : Beware the gummies!



Mike Folks
01-14-2014, 06:34 PM
http://slightlyviral.com/beware-sugarless-gummy-bears-on-amazon-com/

Weston Bye
01-14-2014, 08:11 PM
Never had gummies...but...
While serving on the USS America I once had a half dozen plums at breakfast in addition to eggs & etc. Excellent, except that the plums were apparently prunes. About 10 AM I felt the call of nature so settled down in a small 1 seat head off a shop space. Earth, Wind and Fire promptly issued forth to rival Vesuvius in it's wrath. When the lower eruptions subsided, the process repeated with renewed and distasteful vigor with a monumental Technicolor Yawn. The Event occurred with such suddenness that I had no opportunity to reverse my position on the throne and ended up covering the whole floor of the head to a remarkable depth. I had no idea that the human body could contain that much liquid, let alone discharge it and survive. Indeed, as I sat pasty faced and trembling, contemplating the cleanup, the ship heeled over in a turn and the tide sloshed toward the door. I was saved from a larger cleanup because it was a bulkhead door, the threshold being several inches up from the floor.

MetalMunger
01-14-2014, 08:21 PM
Indeed, as I sat pasty faced and trembling, contemplating the cleanup, the ship heeled over in a turn and the tide sloshes toward the door. I was saved from a larger cleanup because it was a bulkhead door, the threshold being several inches up from the floor.
Thank You, Thank You!!!! for sharing my day is is complete!:rolleyes:

SteveF
01-14-2014, 09:01 PM
If you want you can go straight to the source:

http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummy-Candy-Sugarless-5-Pound/dp/B000EVQWKC/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1389747918&sr=8-4&keywords=haribo+gummy+bear

Even more funny reviews under 1 star ratings. Personally I like the one where the person thought about sending a bag to every member of Congress.

Steve

KiddZimaHater
01-14-2014, 09:16 PM
The same thing happens after eating TACO BELL.

KJ1I
01-14-2014, 10:26 PM
Its the sorbitol, a sugar alcohol -- found in lots of "sugar free" products -- we avoid them all like the plague.

Doozer
01-14-2014, 11:11 PM
It was Friday and I was back at work after eating lunch at Mighty Taco.
I was working alone in the toolroom on a machine I was building.
All of a sudden I let loose this warm wet juicy fart. It was the most vile
thing I had ever smelled that had come out of my own ass. This struck me
as particularly nifty, and I could not help but crack myself up over this
sick and joyous event. I was laughing myself silly from the most pungent
aroma I had just emitted. Laughing so hard that tears were coming out my
eyes. I was overwhelmed with obnoxious pride.
Then all of a sudden, the big boss of the company walked in the toolroom
and he wanted to talk to me. Well I was dieing on the floor laughing and
trying to breathe. I tried to regain my composure as best I could to speak
to him. But when we made eye contact, I saw him wrinkle his nose up like
a raisin, as it entered the olfactory hell that escaped from by bowels.
I quickly turned away and tried to suppress the new bout of laughter that
was trying to erupt fourth from my insides, having seen his facial reaction.
I tried to smother my face with my forearm to hold back the laughter, and
mumbled something about coming back another time. By the time I turned
around he had left after yelling something I did not fully hear.
Life was not so good for me at that company after that incident. I think the
guy took the whole thing in a bad way, and he kinda tried to force me to
quit. I have never had a smell that bad happen since that day. It was one
for the record books. Maybe that fart set me on the road to a better career.
Ya never know.

--Doozer

C_lazy_F_Guns
01-14-2014, 11:20 PM
Never had gummies...but...
While serving on the USS America I once had a half dozen plums at breakfast in addition to eggs & etc. Excellent, except that the plums were apparently prunes. About 10 AM I felt the call of nature so settled down in a small 1 seat head off a shop space. Earth, Wind and Fire promptly issued forth to rival Vesuvius in it's wrath. When the lower eruptions subsided, the process repeated with renewed and distasteful vigor with a monumental Technicolor Yawn. The Event occurred with such suddenness that I had no opportunity to reverse my position on the throne and ended up covering the whole floor of the head to a remarkable depth. I had no idea that the human body could contain that much liquid, let alone discharge it and survive. Indeed, as I sat pasty faced and trembling, contemplating the cleanup, the ship heeled over in a turn and the tide sloshed toward the door. I was saved from a larger cleanup because it was a bulkhead door, the threshold being several inches up from the floor.

Good lord, laughed so hard I cried!


About 1996 the wife went on this brownie baking binge and brownies are to me as heroin is to a junkie! She as working 3 to midnight and I 6a to 5p so we never got to talk, I’d come home to brownies and feast! Well Tuesday at work I spent most of the day in the can, it was worse Wednesday and by Thursday I went to the doctor who gave me prescription anti spend all day in the can dope. Well that just made the cramping worse so Friday back to the doctor praying he can save my life but the worried wife comes along.



Doctor says “I don’t know, that (whatever) would stop up the turbines in Bolder dam. Tell me about your diet again?” Well doc, only thing new is I have been eating a lot of the wife’s brownies but that can’t be it. The wife says “You been in my sugar free brownies?!” Turns out Nutrasweat or whatever that stuff is if not taken in extreme moderation will bleed the life right out the back end of a healthy horse so I didn’t have a chance! I cant get within three feet of any bronies now and don’t even want to see Nutrasweat in the store!

11 Bravo
01-15-2014, 12:31 AM
....................................
Then all of a sudden, the big boss of the company walked in the toolroom
and he wanted to talk to me. ..............................

--Doozer

I swear, one of the foremen I work with gets gas from drinking water. A salesman took us out for lunch one day at a mexican place, and within an hour of getting back to the office Wes is pealing the paint off the walls. We work in a cube farm and of course we have all been friends for years, so he thinks it is funny and everybody gives him a bad time about it.

He decides to take this one to the next level and have some real fun. He walks into the managers office, (Howie is a good natured guy and has a real office) and de-gasses himself. He shakes is leg for effect and then leaves the boss with the aftermath.

According to Howie, about 2 seconds after Wes walks out, Howie's boss, (who is a woman) walks in to ask Howie something. She got about 2 words out and stopped, then said " I'll come back later" and got out of there. Poor Howie just sat there behind his desk with a blank look and never got a chance to blame it all on Wes.

I had tears going listening to Howie give Wes hell about that.

boslab
01-15-2014, 12:41 AM
You had to watch your tea in a lab, few drops of phenolphthalein and you would spend an eternity on the toilet biting your pencil, universal indicator was the stuff, horror in a bottle
Mark

Black Forest
01-15-2014, 01:34 AM
Just when you thought this forum couldn't stoop any lower along comes the gummy bears.

mike4
01-15-2014, 03:39 AM
I havent had as good a laugh for quite some time , just goes to show we all seem to have a similar warped sense of humour.
Michael

Euph0ny
01-15-2014, 04:04 AM
Poor Howie just sat there behind his desk with a blank look and never got a chance to blame it all on Wes.

I had tears going listening to Howie give Wes hell about that.

In your case, the boss was the victim. I once had a boss who was the culprit.

I was working on the top floor of a tall building. The boss liked to have a few pints of Guinness with (or perhaps for) his lunch. It made him jolly, but flatulent. He would get in the lift (elevator) at the ground floor, then hop off at the next floor up for an urgent toilet break.

Before stepping out of the lift doors, he would loose a blast of beer-fueled flatulence, then quickly swipe his hand over all the lift buttons, forcing everyong else in the lift to stay in his stink, stopping at each floor, until the lift reached the top.

CCWKen
01-15-2014, 02:22 PM
Amazon does provide a warning, I guess no one reads those any more. :rolleyes:


Safety Warning
Consumption of some sugar-free candies may cause stomach discomfort and/or a laxative effect. Individual tolerance will vary. If this is the first time you’ve tried these candies, we recommend beginning with one-fourth of a serving size or less. Made with Lycasin, a sugar alcohol. As with other sugar alcohols, people sensitive to this substance may experience upset stomachs.

johnhurd
01-15-2014, 10:25 PM
If you want you can go straight to the source:

http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummy-Candy-Sugarless-5-Pound/dp/B000EVQWKC/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1389747918&sr=8-4&keywords=haribo+gummy+bear

Even more funny reviews under 1 star ratings. Personally I like the one where the person thought about sending a bag to every member of Congress.

Steve

Won't that be fatal????????????

oil mac
01-16-2014, 10:03 AM
About 20 odd years ago, I was away from home for a few days, Before leaving I had not felt too good & subsequently got totally bunged up with constipation, Between over the previous days, with headaches, stomach letting me know it was still around & generally feeling miserable, I bravely set off .
I decided in the morning to swallow a glass of Guiness at breakfast time ( The "domestic manager" questioned if this was good idea) However I bravely went out to the shops, & ventured into a local pharmacy with the oldest male pharmascist on the planet Upon explaining to this old buzzard my predicament, He came up with a solution, Glycerine suppositories, I bought a box of them, He said only apply one as required.
Gettiing back , I applied two, (Seemed a good idea at the time!) & decided to drive over to a town about three miles away, Well out into the countryside Thankfully, I felt an eruption starting, Slammed on the brakes, out the car door like lightning, Vaulted over the adjacent fence, Shouting Geronimo, (Well that is what I thought I was shouting, Did not notice two cops behind me who thought this was a bale out after a crime, There was I down in a ditch , Fortunately on a lonely road , blasting away like mad with two bemused coppers, Who fortunately had the common sense to stay on the windward side wondering if I would survive whatever had afflicted me Of all the luck they had to come along in my time of trauma.

Hopefuldave
01-25-2014, 10:44 AM
If we're enjoying lavatorial humour (as in lava...) try this, one of my favourites from the world of cycling...

http://singletrackworld.com/2009/02/the-picolax-thread-returns/