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rockrat
07-25-2004, 09:09 PM
Evan had a good post on little miss Poly, which reminded me of this one.
Cheers!

--- DARK ---

For years it has been believed that electric bulbs emitted light. However recent information has proven otherwise. Electric bulbs do not emit light, they suck darkness in. Thus we call these bulbs "dark suckers". The dark sucker theory proves that dark has a mass heavier than that of light and that dark is faster than light.

The basis of the dark sucker theory is that electricity sucks dark. Take for example, the dark sucker in the room where you are. There is much less dark right next to it than other parts of the room. Dark suckers in a parking lot have a much greater capacity than the ones inside a room. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck dark. This is proven by the black spot on a full dark sucker. A candle is a primitive dark sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You will notice that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing all of the dark, which has been sucked into it. If you hold a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, the tip will turn black because it got in the way of the dark flowing into the candle. Unfortunately, these primitive dark suckers have a very limited range. There are also portable dark suckers. The bulbs in these cannot handle all the dark by themselves, and must be aided by a dark storage unit. When the dark storage unit is full, it must either be emptied or replaced before the portable dark sucker can operate again.

Dark has mass. When dark goes into a dark sucker, friction from this mass generates heat. Thus it is not wise to touch an operating dark sucker. Candles present a special problem, as the dark must travel into a solid wick instead of through clear glass. This generates a great amount of heat. Thus it can be dangerous to touch an operating candle. Dark is also heavier than light. If you swim just below the surface of a lake, you see a lot of light. If you slowly swim deeper, you notice it getting darker and darker. When you reach a depth of approximately fifty feet, you are in total darkness. This is because the dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter light floats to the top. The immense power of the dark can be utilized to man's advantage. We can collect the dark that has settled to the bottom of lakes and push it through turbines, which generates electricity and helps the dark to the ocean, where it may be safely stored. Prior to turbines, it was much more difficult to get the dark from the rivers and lakes to the ocean.

The Indians recognized this problem and tried to solve it. When on a river in a canoe traveling in the same direction as the flow of dark, they paddled slowly, so as not to stop the flow of the dark; but when they paddled against the flow of dark, they paddled quickly, so as to help push the dark along its way.

Finally we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to stand in an illuminated room in front a closed, dark closet, then slowly open the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet; but since dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet.

In conclusion, dark suckers make all of our lives much easier. So the next time you look at an electric bulb, remember that it is indeed a dark sucker.

PSD KEN
07-25-2004, 10:03 PM
The speed of light is 300x10x6 meters/sec.
But, I cannot find the speed of dark.
Would it be the same in the oposite direction?

jfsmith
07-25-2004, 10:16 PM
The only things that I consider light or dark for is beer.


Jerry

Spin Doctor
07-26-2004, 05:49 AM
I'm not quite sure light bulbs actually suck dark. But I do know my electric bill sucks.

Alistair Hosie
07-26-2004, 06:16 AM
OH YEH !good grief what next.Alistair p.s I think that was written by Albert Dreistein http://bbs.homeshopmachinist.net//biggrin.gif

wierdscience
07-26-2004, 07:55 AM
Total non-sense!We all know that a light bulb is a jar that holds the smoke in on the end of an electrical circut http://bbs.homeshopmachinist.net//biggrin.gif

Alistair Hosie
07-26-2004, 10:38 AM
So Darin "that's what Uncle Fester was doing with that light bulb"
"trying to smoke it eh!"
http://bbs.homeshopmachinist.net//biggrin.gif Alistair

Evan
07-26-2004, 10:49 AM
The proof of the darksucker hypothesis is the singular fact: Black holes suck.

Weston Bye
07-26-2004, 10:54 AM
"The speed of light is 300x10x6 meters/sec."

What is the speed of heavy?

Are dark and heavy related?

Alistair Hosie
07-26-2004, 03:04 PM
I posted a similar question about dark a a few years ago.
In a lit filled room/environment is it possible to project a dark beam such as can be projected in a darened room by light from a torch lamp etc i.e that in reverse so that a darkened beam crosses the light blocking it out can darkness be harnessed for such use or is darkness just the absence of light and natural and cannot be reproduced.
I came to the same conclusion as Albert (rotate)that darkness is simply the sbsence of light and cannot be projected into a lit space like this but others disagreed what do you think today.

wierdscience
07-26-2004, 08:42 PM
Alistair,it has to do with the difference between Light and dark green,both can be projected through a paint gun or bazooka,but one covers more http://bbs.homeshopmachinist.net//biggrin.gif

motorworks
07-26-2004, 08:59 PM
"There is no dark side of the moon really. Matter of fact it's all dark."
waters

BillH
07-26-2004, 11:37 PM
Wow boy, thats an old one, lets see, im 24 now. My Earth science teacher read that to us one day in class in the 6th grade!

darryl
07-27-2004, 12:47 AM
What's ironic about dark is that although it's heavier than light, there's more room in it for things. Look at how much stuff gets lost in dark corners.

Evan
07-27-2004, 01:19 AM
I have a customer who is a PI. He just bought a really cool $15,000 hand held FLIR unit (forward looking infra red). He brought it in to my shop the other day. We took it into the back room to play with it. Turned off the light, pitch black. No problem, it is an anti-dark machine. It senses heat directly, no infrared light source or image amplifier. Sure was interesting using it to look at a motherboard and see all the hot spots.

BTW, he bought it to help the RCMP look for grass grow operations. The police can't use it because it is an invasion of privacy but he can and then suggest to the cops to check out that house that seems to be strangely bright in the infrared even though it is dark at night. End run around the rules.

Alistair Hosie
07-27-2004, 04:50 AM
Look at how much stuff gets lost in dark corners.
Darryl when you get to my age. stuff starts getting lost in light corners ,all the time right in front of my nose and I am still looking http://bbs.homeshopmachinist.net//biggrin.gif Alistair

darryl
07-27-2004, 03:02 PM
Well, I've lost keys that were found in my hand later. And right in front of ny nose in plain sight. Something about how the brain works, or doesn't. We're still in the dark on a lot of these issues. http://bbs.homeshopmachinist.net//smile.gif