View Full Version : A parents responsibility
08-17-2001, 12:37 PM
Ok, I realize that a parent’s responsibility is to raise a kid so that they turn out to be a caring, productive, responsible member of society. That’s a nice global view.
Now, let’s talk some specifics with regards to what you feel are a parent’s responsibility when it comes to footing the bill for some typical items. Do you believe the parent should feel some obligation to help pay for all or part of the following expenses?
Let’s start with the big nut; college education. Will you be paying for all or part of your Child's college education? Do you feel it is your responsibility to do so? Did your parents foot the bill for your education?
How about your Child's first car, will you pay for all or part of your Child's first car? Did your parents buy your first car for you?
How about car insurance for your Child's first car, do you feel it’s your responsibility to pay for that? Did your parents pay for your insurance on your first car?
On a smaller level, how about your Child's first cell phone? Many parents like to play the “safety card” as justification for this purchase. But did you have a cell phone when you were growing up? You made it to adulthood ok without a cell phone in your youth didn't you?
How about paying for all or part of the down payment on your Child's first home?
Bonus question, at what age do you kick them out of the house, or start charging rent?
08-18-2001, 04:42 AM
OK I'll bite.
Just to make this on topic, I'll say that you should buy your child's first lathe or milling machine once you feel they are old enough to learn how to use it safely. I wish I had that kind of early start.
My dad paid for my first car, half the insurance for it, most of the repair bills until I was on my own, and for college tuition and living expenses for the first three years, and my folks were not wealthy at all. They taught me to live pretty frugally, so I didn't blow these expenses up like a lot of kids I knew.
BUT... If I could do it over I wouldn't let him pay for any of these things. I would rather try my best to start as early as possible to learn how to make my own money and deal with it well so he and Mom could take a few well-earned vacations instead. I suppose the family situation makes a difference. I was fortunate to have really great parents with not a single deadbeat cell in their veins. I didn't fully realize the financial sacrifice they were making until my third year in college. There is a tradeoff that working takes time away from studies, but it becomes easier over time so starting early is a good idea. If I worked as a machinist part-time in college, I could have easily handled my expenses (back then, tuition and books were less than $1800/semester).
After my third year revelation, I "cut them off" and started trying to contribute in whatever way I could instead of bleeding them dry. They won't accept money so I had to get creative. By the time I got around to buying my first house, I made sure they didn't need to make another sacrifice.
Before you start to think I'm tooting my own horn, don't. I think I was stupid and irresponsible back then. I still feel regret that I didn't turn it around much sooner.
10-05-2004, 08:37 PM
time stamp bump
10-05-2004, 09:24 PM
My parents were true civil servants (i.e. teachers) and therefore had only a minimal amount of college cash. I asked for none, they gave $2500. I chose to go out of state, so it disappeared the first semester. I paid the rest myself.
I bought my first car at 13 and worked on getting it running until 16 1/2. They loaned me theiS10 or '66 Monaco as I required at their convenience.
My parents never paid my insurance, nor was I 'on their policy' at any time.
I purchased my first cell phone to call them at less than the rate of my regular phone company, since I moved out of state for college.
If they had spare money, they would have offered to pay for it all. If someone else had raised me, I would have accepted it. My parents raised me to be a responsible person and that is about all that stuck, I'd guess. My parents would likely not be happy with who I am, but society raised me after I went to college. I wish I was still that ‘glass bubble baby.’.
My parents taught me to give my all to others (i.e. they gave their all to me), but taught me not to take from anyone. That, in my mind, is a lesson we all need to have. The US would be better for us if everyone thought that way.
My parents are two of the best people any of us would be privileged to meet in any of our lifetimes.
10-05-2004, 09:45 PM
Ok, here's my take as my 18 year old daughter started college last month.
1 Car - No, we did not buy her a car. She has been working and saving since her early teens. She was able to buy a $7000 1st vehicle herself, not too shabby in my book. I pay the insurance (DON'T ASK $), and we split repair costs. She had a minor fender bender, we split the cost to keep the insurance out of the picture. I was not given a car by my parents, I was given a job by my Dad in a machine shop. I bought a car, but Dad paid the insurance. I have always bought everything, including my first house, myself. I still have 2 boys (14 & 10) at home and they will be treated the same way. No free rides here.
2 - College I got a 1/2 scholarship to engineering school. Mom & Dad paid the other half. My Mom went back to work to pay for my and my sister's college cost. My wife put herself thru college. My daughter got more than 1/2 scholarship to college based mostly on academics, and some on sports (lacrosse). My wife and I are paying the remainder. We have always tried to live within our means when it comes to discretionary spending. We try to live off my income, leaving my wife's for the extras. Even so, the monthly tuition payment for my daughter is more than than the sum of my mortgage, property taxes, and homeowner's insurance. That comes out of my wife's income. If the boys get their act together, they will be treated the same. If not, local community college or I'll find a trade school for them.
When I graduated college, my friends all bought new cars, took fancy vacations, and paid rent. I worked 3 years, saved like hell, and bought my 1st house. I didn't buy my 1st new car until I was 30 years old. I'm very thankfull that my Dad was tough on my since day one because life is tough.
[This message has been edited by Bob-O (edited 10-05-2004).]
10-05-2004, 10:48 PM
First the way I was brought up we had things that were required of us.These things were expected and required before an privleges like driving,going out on a date etc were given.
I was not given a car,I worked my way into a hand-me-down,key word here is WORKED,taking self incentive and painting the house,mowing the grass etc without being asked or otherwise provoked inabled this to happen.
My parents did im the begining pay the insurance,but in exchange maintence on ALL of the family vehicles fell to me as my responsibity,they bought the parts,I did the labor.
As for college,I didn't go,but my brothers did,they went through on scholorships and work,my parents did provide them with co-signature on a car.
As far as college is concerned,if your kid scores low on the exams or is otherwise a screw up,do us and them a favor and don't send them to college until they spend a few semisters in the school of hard knocks.Otherwise its a waste of money to send them to college.
I live at home with my folks,some people frown on this,but in times past children didn't leave home,they stayed home and took care of their parents when they got old.Like it or not we will all find ourselves in this situation.My parents will be 70 next year,it is my and my brothers responsibility to take care of them,not the government.I contribute to the household and share the burden of the work load,so will my wife if I should marry.
If you find one of your kids living at home remember the "whats expected" part of the formula.
As for the cell phone,they are okay for girls,boys should be able to fend for themselves.either way they should remember it is a mode of communication,not entertainment period.Plus there is no substitute for them being responsible,if you call them on their cell phone are they really at the library?
Down payment on a house?Never,they can have yours when you kick the bucket.Otherwise introduce them to the hard realities of life.After all at some point in time they WILL have to fend for themselves.If they don't learn they will live on welfare education or not.
10-05-2004, 10:53 PM
Looking back, I give my folks the lion's share of credit for whatever good has come of me. One thing they always managed to do was make sure I put some effort into things like those on your list. First car was bought with savings from a summer job; but an allowance from my folks let me save most of it. Insurance they paid. College was about a 50-50 deal, made easy by with help from both a co-op (work study) program and scholarships. First home, between undergrad and grad school, they helped with most of the down payment. I remain grateful for all they did and also for what they expected me to do.
10-05-2004, 11:05 PM
Oh the joys of parenthood!! Firstly the biggest mistake we made was not allowing our children to take responsibility for themselves at the earliest oppertunity and I mean from as soon as they were able to communicate and comprehend. During a recent spat with the offspring it was suggested by the youngest son that he paid enough board and could come and go as he pleased and did not have to assist with the physical upkeep of the household and besides we were making plenty out of him. Well I saw red, said a few select words and retired to the garage to regain my composure. I returned and sat down with my son and put forward this suggestion: My wife and I would pay board to the son and he could take care of the finances,cooking,cleaning, washing, house maintainance and we would enjoy the our new found freedom, after all if there was profit in being a parent and charging board then we wished him to have some of that wealth. Well what a turnaround, suddenly the profit arguement he espoused no longer looked so attractive to him anymore http://bbs.homeshopmachinist.net//biggrin.gif http://bbs.homeshopmachinist.net//biggrin.gif We make mistakes in the upbringing of our children , no question, the big mistake we make is feeling guilty for our efforts. There comes a time when our children are their own person and the sooner we see that the better for all. We assist our children but do not stop them from faling over, how else can they learn to be adult?? There is more but that would be a loooong book and I`m sure others have a chapter or two of their own.
10-05-2004, 11:14 PM
I never had my own car, its the families car, one of three. Many of my friends got new cars when they turned 16.
My parents are paying my full way thru college. Works for me.
Now, if you don't pay for your own childrens way thru college, thank you, the less people with a 4 year degree, the more mine will be worth.
10-06-2004, 12:46 AM
I have a relatively simple answer to the questions based on personal experience with my parents and a lifetime of working with young people, first in the Army then as a high school teacher.
It makes no difference if a parent decides to pay all the expenses of college, car, insurance, etc nor does it matter if the youngster is put out on the street at the first opportunity or allowed to hang around for years -- so long as the PARENTS TELL THE CHILD WHAT TO EXPECT AND THEN STICK TO IT. Resentment and self pity result when a parent says they will (for example) pay for college, then at high school graduation beg off because "they just cant afford it." If that was going to be a possibility the kid needed to know as soon as possible. The same goes for such luxuries as cars, free rent, cell phones ad nauseum. The only part of the equation that counts is being absolutely consistent -- either willing to pay for whatever, or limiting the offerings, makes no difference -- just make sure that what you promise you give.
10-06-2004, 07:27 AM
Bought most of the first car. The one she wanted was a P.O.S. all the way through. I bought a good car, solid, but not real sporty. Call it "quality control". She kind of hated that idea, hated that boxy Chrysler so she would not drive it that much - until it got cold. She paid maintenance, but for ther major issues that could not be forecasted by normal wear and tear. BTW, she did not get the car until she was nearly 18.
Kid pays insurance. That way, they understand the need to stay at the speed limit, and keep the car intact. Dumb kid got three tickets in four months, lost licence, and insurance went up from $450.00 six month (cheap) to 1200.00 six month. She spent the first six months after the re-instatement on foot and in shock due to the price and the "old man's attitude", I would not let her drive "my car" without insurance.
Good thing I bought the solid vehicle though, she also got side slammed and rolled over in a snow storm by one of those SUV drivers who thought 4 x 4 meant they could do 60 in the snow (novice 4 x 4 driver).
Paid for her classes at the tech school, she did well. She chose not to go to college.
College is one of those strange things. I do not mind paying what I can, for it is a parent's wish and driving force in most cases (parent drive) to get the kid in college. In my case however, I paid my college in whole, and waited five years after HS to go. Kid pays all the "fun things" though. My kid though, youngest, is pretty smart, I see many a scholarship coming, she already has two promised at age 13 due to academic contests she has won. Knock off 3K per semester...... This issue is negotiable, but it is the parents that push college from the early age of the child, and if you push someone to do something well for some of your own reasons, you better back it up with the funding. Otherwise, if a parent did not push college, how many kids would really try to go of their own accord?
10-06-2004, 07:59 AM
I bought my first car and paid all insurance, repairs etc, but my parents did cosign the loan.
My parents paid for college for me and my brother and sister, but we paid for any extras and never asked for anything more. We all had summer jobs to make sure there was plenty of beer and pizza money to last the school year. My brother and I went to college 20 minutes away from home and could have commuted to save costs, but my parents insisted we live at school. Not sure if they were trying to get rid of us, but it definitely was the right decision.
10-06-2004, 08:56 AM
I never had the interest in going to college.Of course,I wish that I had.Brother and sister got scholarships.I have spent my life in the dirtier trades and I am proud of my calloused hands.
My first car was a 1964 VW Beetle.I paid $100 for it and it make me a mechanic.
I paid for my insurance on the car.This taught me responsibility.
At sixteen,we still had a "party line".With the possible exception of a real emergency,I see no reason why a child needs a cell phone.I had my God given feet and a bicycle.I gained independence and social skills.
I paid high interest on the loan for my downpayment.My folks were reluctant to loan me the money because I was but four years sober at the time.There are no hard feelings whatsoever and I learned resourcefulness.
Eighteen years for the rent or the road.Comes a time when the kids need to start learning about the real world.
If I got it right first time,everytime....I'd have a real job!
10-06-2004, 11:22 AM
Thanks for the replies guys, keep them coming. My apologies for missing the OT in the thread title, I try very hard to abide by that rule, but obviously missed it this time.
These questions are promoted by my wife and I having these discussions with regards to my 14 year old son. He still has four years of high-school left, but I want to make sure we have plan and are on the same page, with regards to college anyway.
Discussions with my peers have been a bit eye opening for me on this subject. I had mentioned to them that my son had $1000 to buy a car with when he turned 16. They looked at me like I had a third eye growing out of my forehead. They have all planned to buy their kids first car and want a "safe" and reliable car. Not new necessarily, but late model, air bags etc.
Same thing when I mentioned I would not likely be paying the full bill for college. What really torqued me off, was their assertation that because I "had the means", I was being selfish by not paying the full boat for my kid. This is not so much an issue of means, but one of principle. While I have the typical feelings of "wanting better for my kids then I had". Every bone in my body says that people appreciate things more when they have to earn them themselves. But I guess I'm just a selfish meanie.
Not sure what the future has in store for my son, but I will try to support him as best I can, given my principles. I doubt very seriously he will qualify for any sort of scholarships. Not sure how the student aid/student loan thing goes, but if they use the parents financial situation when making loans etc, he probably won't qualify for them either.
We do have some money set aside for helping with his education, but we will not pay the whole freight.
10-06-2004, 11:41 AM
You can't get too worked up regarding what other are doing for their kids. You've got to do what's right for you. I hear the same thing from our friends. We live (unfortunately) in the "high rent" district. While my daughter worked her butt off to buy her car, her peers were handed new cars right and left around her. Not once did she complain to either me or my wife. I'm proud as hell of her over her accomplishments. She graduated 12th in a class of 212, took all college courses in her senior year of high school, enabling her to enter college as a sophmore. She worked 3 part time jobs for the past 2 summers. Even with those accomplishments, my wife and I want her to have a stake in her education. She has taken out student loans which my wife pays while she is in school, but she will pay during the summer, and after graduation.
[This message has been edited by Bob-O (edited 10-06-2004).]
10-06-2004, 01:15 PM
I had eleven siblings (4 bro's/7 sis).
Even hand-me-downs were rare - if you wanted something, you came up with the money.
As for my son - I spoil the crap out of him.
Don't know why this is.
My parents loved me even more when I decided to go to a state college in our own state which made the tuition very reasonable. My dad bought my first car for me, but stated that I would have to get a job that wouldn't interfere with school to pay for the insurance, gas, and maintenance or the car would just sit otherwise. I had him buy me a Jeep CJ2 that had a 283 Chevy engine in it. The engine gave up about three months later and my only choice on my part time job budget was to rebuild it myself, which I did (added enough Corvette parts to make it one serious running Jeep). That got me interested in all things mechanical and resulted in my going to the state college were I earned two Associate of Applied Science degrees in mechanically related fields. As far as the cell phone, they weren't invented until I was old. I remember calling my first couple of girlfriends on the old black rotary dial phone that was about all that was available at the time (God, do I feel old all of a sudden http://bbs.homeshopmachinist.net//biggrin.gif)
[This message has been edited by Carl (edited 10-06-2004).]
10-06-2004, 02:10 PM
I'm 24, almost 25...so I went through all of this recently. I feel it's important to make your kids work and learn responsibility...but also remember that they are kids. They need to be able to have fun and learn that there is more to life than paying the bills.
When I was 19, my father was diagnosed with colon cancer. I was going to school at the time, working, as well as doing all the stuff around the house that my dad used to do. It forced me to grow up REALLY fast, and I sorta now feel like I missed some of my "childhood". Although I'm more responsible than most of my peers, I know they are having more fun than I am...they just dont see life in the same way.
Whatever you do, dont force your kids to grow too much too quick.
Regarding college payment...
Dont pay everything...this is the responsibility part of life...if you can afford tuition...make them take out loans and get jobs for the apartment...so on. Too many friends that dont understand the value of a dollar because they've never worked for one in their life.
I understand the value of a dollar...I just dont know where they all go (spending responsibly is difficult when you are building a machine shop!)
10-06-2004, 05:35 PM
I was given my 1st car in 1977, it was an old Plymouth fury (convertible) that my dad had paid $150 for and drove for 2 1/2 years until somebody sideswiped it, it was given to me, I then had roughly 2 years to fix the body replace the top and put new tires and brakes on it, when I got it running it had not been started in more than a year. I also became an overnight apprentice mechanic. My parents paid the first 3 months insurance on this car for me, from then on I paid insurance all repairs and bought gas. I paid all of my tuituion to trade school except the first semester, a parent does not owe his child a college education, if you can afford it and want to do it fine, otherwise all you owe your child is enough education and smarts to venture on their own and hope they have gained enough common sense and paid enough attention to learn to survive and better themselves on there own or with your coaching when they or you think they need it.
The cell phone my kids have one with enough time on it to call home in emergency's and such, if they use it all up, tough there walking home or there gonna figure out how to get themselves out of trouble.
Kids today learn alot of there lessons the hard way because parents give them to much or make it to easy on them, kids need to learn a certain amount of responsibilty at a younger age and give them more as they grow older, otherwise its to much all at once and they're bound to fail if its dumped on them all at once!!
10-06-2004, 11:26 PM
The boy (17 now) gets his insurance paid by us as long as he gets the good student discount. It is not a stretch for him, so no reason he shouldn't keep up his grades. Same goes for the car; if he keeps it up, then he gets to keep it. If he lets it go to ****, then it reverts back to me for disposal. There are x number bucks for college; he decides how far that takes him by supplementing it with scholarships, part time work, etc. Honestly, I don't know if it's working or not, but it feels like it might be.
10-06-2004, 11:48 PM
I don`t owe($$$$) my children anything apart from some or all of the following; Here are some things we can give our children that should serve them well if they choose to use them: honesty, integrity,love, affection, respect, time, support,a listening ear, empathy(we have been there too) Please add some more, we may not apply all of these above but I`m sure we can all learn from this thread
10-07-2004, 02:07 AM
yep Speedy,thats about the size of it. If I had a dollar for every kid who played the guilt game on his parents ( who fell for it) over cars, paying for college, etc etc etc,I could have retired long ago. I happen to think whatever the parents means are, if they don't teach some kinda values about a work ethic early on, there's no hope of doing it by the time the kid is into his or her teens. I bought my first car with a job I got myself, paid for my own insurance, bought my own gas, paid for my own schooling, bought my own house with my own downpayment. Cell phone? are you serious?
10-07-2004, 10:35 AM
When I was younger:
I worked off and on from 12-14 and worked almost full time from 15 on. I paid my dad rent ($100 per month) from the time I was 15 on. I bought my 1st vehicle when I was 14 for $200. My dad co-signed for me on my 2nd car when I was 15 ( $1300 ). I paid the gas and insurance money.
I moved out right after graduating from High School and worked my way through college . My dad didn't have enough money to put any of us kids through school.
I bought my 1st house when I was 21 by monkeying with the numbers a little to make it look like I gave the seller a down payment (the seller was a friend of mine), so no, my parents didn't help me here either.
As for my kids.. 10 year old boy, and 12, 14 year old girls. I'm sure that things will change, but here's my current plan.
Car: I will supply a car for them to use on an as-needed basis provided they hold up their end of the bargian. Grades, household chores, no drugs, no alcohol, no tobacco, plus a ton of other rules that will be followed or they lose the priviledge.
I'll cover the insurance, but they each will have to pay for the gas out of their discretionary funds.
All 3 of my kids are involved in multiple academic and sports related school activities that I couldn't be involved in because I was working to pay for a car. While I gained a lot from working during my high school years, I also missed out on a lot that I want my kids to enjoy. Going to the football games, dances, etc.. I was always working.
College: I will handle the costs for an in-state public university. If they want a more specialized education or a more expensive private school, they have to foot the incremental cost that is above what an in-state public school costs. My wife and I will not sacrifice our retirement to send the kids to college. The above funding from me is predicated upon each child holding their grades up through high school and through college. I'm not paying for a 4 year party.
Down payment on their 1st home.. No
If any of the kids don't go to college.. well that's just not an option.. I'll have to think about this a little more.
Cell Phone: I'm still on the fence on this one. My 14 year old doesn't have one, but wants one ( they all do). One thing I know I won't stand for is some of the horror stories I've heard.. $500 bill for a month because the kid is text messenging all day.. I gotta think about this one some more too..
Wayne02, I took the liberty of posting your questions on another board that I read and they have elicited some interesting responses. below is the link..
Thanks for the thought provoking questions:
[This message has been edited by 67chevelle (edited 10-07-2004).]
10-07-2004, 11:11 AM
Lets see, my first car, I paid for, my father helped me fix it a couple of times. After high school, I went to the Army, during the time of old style GI Bill. When I got out the new GI Bill was in place. Finshed my degree at Maryland on my benefits, went to work, paid my own way thru grad school.
My father didn't live long enough to see me graduate from college.
My son on the other hand is an electrician. Who keeps showing up with hand out. He refused to join the military, because he was afraid he would become a "grunt." Divorced, two kids and almost 30.
10-08-2004, 12:21 AM
Speaking of current events. My oldest just graduated from an expensive college. Double major, fluent in German, top 5% of class and is in Germany on a Fellowship from the Germans as of last week. I don't ever remember working as hard as these kids do on their academics. We felt that as long as she could compete at this level we would do everything we could to help her get the best education she could. She has worked and supported herself on everything but that crushing tuition. She has her share of loans and will repay them herself. No car, we cover insurance when she is at home. As far as I/she are concerned she is independent and off on her life. Proud dad, you bet. She did it all herself.
My parents paid tuition for me my first two years At GU in the 60's and then I paid it myself for the next 8 years. First car was given to me to commute to college(53 studebaker PU/ 160 miles) and work during summers in the harvests. Both girls know tuition is a gift and dependent on how well we are doing financially. We won't borrow for their education. I could pay 2/3ds of my tuition working summers and at school in 1967 but how can a student earn the comparable $24,00 now for a top school?
Well that is how Laurie and I have chosen to do it. Seemed right. Our families have have always been supportive of education. Might be a lot different if the girls weren't good at academics.
I can feel the flames coming.
10-08-2004, 12:57 AM
no flames... people just take different paths...
My dad was as fine a person as walked the earth. He had a brother that could not stop stealing or stay out of jail. Never could figure....
My kids take different paths, but better than me so far. I took 30 years to graduate college. Hard to say anything helpful from that, I guess.
Seems the common thing is that when our kids work hard, things happen. Without that willingness, life just leaves you by. I think it is much, much harder to make a living when you are young today than anytime since WWII.
10-08-2004, 07:12 AM
Im going to a cheap state school, about 6,000$ a semester now. IF I wanted to, I guess I could transfer into U-conn.
10-08-2004, 11:05 AM
College is expensive, many schools turn out a lot of graduates, but they don't have the same quality of their profession as students from the past. Many colleges and universities are now turning a 4 year program into a 6 year program. Many kids work very hard to get thru school and then have problems finding jobs in their fields.
I have noticed that people who don't go to college/university/tech schools and go into the job market today are like those kids who didn't finish high school when I was young.
10-08-2004, 11:48 AM
I am of the opinion that the more you give, the more kids expect to be handed to them. I remember what it was like when I turned 16 any my parents divorced. My Mom could barely afford to keep our house but she did. She made it clear that my brother and I would have to make our own way with college and cars, etc. That was 18 years ago. I can honestly say that I am for the better having learnt to do things for myself and paying my own way. I paid for my first car and insurance, but put the car in Mom's name to save on insurance costs.
Didn't go to college until early 20's, as it took me that long to figure out what I wanted to do. Parents take note: worst mistake you could make is pushing your kid to go to college if they aren't really interested yet or don't know what to take. Most of my friends went right after high school because it was what everyone else did. Some dropped out, only 1 actually finished and got a career in his chosen subject. In my case I went later when I realized I needed an education to do what I wanted to do, and this made college the easiest thing I could imagine. I was a poor-to-average high school student (had no interest in being there), and graduated from college with Honours. Don't underestimate the value of maturity when deciding what a child wants to do.
I paid my way through college with government grants and loans as well as what I earned during summer break. I lived with my girlfriends family to save on housing costs. I also had to sell my car/motorcycle/snowmobile at age 22 to afford to go......this hurt and was another incentive to make it work. Mom helped out with extra cash at Christmas etc, but it was never expected or asked for.
I can clearly see the difference in attitude between mine and my friends who had their college paid for and cars bought for them. They think the world owes them something and get upset when things don't come their way so easy.
I must be lucky then, because I have worked for eveything I want and am not wanting of much.
Hope this doesn't sound to idealistic, that's not my intent.
10-08-2004, 12:42 PM
Ended up paying most of my way through college. Parents helped out, but I had my share of student loans and grants. Graduated with a passle of student loans to repay, car loan, etc. It wasn't easy paying all that back and being able to afford a place to live. Wife and I agreed we would put the kids through college so they wouldn't have the same uphill battle we did. We didn't buy them cars, but made one available for their use. BUT, they had to abide by house rules. They pay all of their insurance.
We paid off the house as planned - figuring college would be more affordable that way. Then one of the kids got into some serious legal trouble. So now we have 3 in college (wife and both kids) and big lawyer bills. Then.... talked to my folks today - they don't have the money for their property taxes. Hell, it's only money.
I could have said no way to paying for any of the above. But, I've got to do what is right for me and what's right for them. My life, my choice. You have to do what's right for you and yours - don't let anyone tell you what you should do.
10-08-2004, 01:00 PM
My nickel,I have two children,21` and 20.daughter senior at Hillsdale College,private ain't cheap,a good student,bunch of scholarships,works on campus,was dorm RA for two years. Great and we are proud!! Son twenty is a bit more laid back,2nd yr is at a voch. school; Specs Howard school of broadcasting.He works during school year and summers,wants to be independent and does a good job of it. Our contributions to their ed. Mi. Ed. Trust Fund,we pushed some inheritance into Fund that payed tution.Like all parents we help out, pay some gas fillups,but no insurance,that is something to learn; the high cost of driving and doing it right! I am proud of our kids,it was hard to say. No, that it is something you don't need,just something you want or think you want.I have always told my kids I will always love you, But at times I will be very unhappy about some of the things you might be doing. I have seen some kids really screw up and of course they are from good families. But alot of times the parents were not doing the job of being the one to say No! Wanted to be the buddy or want the kids to like them or worse let the kid run the show.I don't think times are tougher,raising kids to be responsible adults has always been a tough job. We need to look back to our folks,some of them did a good job,some didn't,we need to see we do better or as well.Some pulpit talk,I need to head out to the studio to clean and put that stuff where it belongs.Getting 220 pretty soon,some machines will rotate for the first time since I have owned them.
Dick Stack-Hillsdale Art Metal