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Thread: Alistairs school report

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2001
    Nottingham, England

    Post Alistairs school report

    Teacher: "Good morning children, today is Thursday, so we're going to have a
    general knowledge quiz. The pupil who gets the answer right can have Friday
    and Monday off and not come back to school until Tuesday."

    Wee Alistair thinks, "Yadancer. Ah'm pure dead brilliant at ma general
    knowledge stuff. This is gonnae be a dawdle, come on ya radge, a lang
    weekend fir me."

    Teacher: "Right class, who can tell me who said. "Don't ask what your
    country can do for you, but what you can do for your country?"

    Wee Alistair shoots up his hand, waving furiously in the air. Teacher looking
    round picks Richard at the front. "Yes, Richard?"

    Richard (in a very English accent): "Yes miss, the answer is J F Kennedy-
    inauguration speech 1960."

    Teacher: "Very good Richard. You may stay off Friday and Monday and we will
    see you back in class on Tuesday."

    The next Thursday comes around, and Wee Alistair is even more determined.
    Teacher: " Who said. 'We will fight them on the beaches, we will fight them
    in the air, we will fight them at sea. But we will never surrender?"

    Wee Alistair's hand shoots up, arm stiff as a board, shouting " I know. I know.
    Me Miss, me Miss "

    Teacher looking round and picks Timothy, sitting at the front: "Yes

    Timothy (In a very, very posh, English accent): "Yes miss, the answer is
    Winston Churchill, 1940 Battle of Britain speech."

    Teacher: "Very good Timothy , you may stay off Friday and Monday and come
    back to class on Tuesday."

    The following Thursday comes around and Wee Alistair is hyper, he's been
    studying encyclopaedias all week and he's ready for anything that comes.
    He's coiled in his wee chair, slavers dripping in anticipation.

    Teacher: "Who said One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind?"

    Wee Alistair's arm shoots straight in the air, he's standing on his seat,
    jumping up and down screaming "Me miss. Me miss. I know, I know. Me Miss, me
    miss, meeeeee"

    Teacher looking round the class picks Rupert, sitting at the front "Yes

    Rupert (In a frightfully, frightfully, ever so plumy English accent): "Yes
    miss, that was Neil Armstrong 1969, The first moon landing."

    Teacher: "Very good Rupert. You may stay off Friday and Monday and come back
    into class on Tuesday."

    Wee Alistair loses the plot altogether, tips his desk and throws his chair at
    the wall. He throws his hat on the floor & jumps up and down on it shouting
    "Where the f**k did all these English b*st*rds come from?"

    Teacher looking round the class, angrily: "Who said that?"

    Wee Alistair, grabs his coat and bag and heads for the door, "Bonnie Prince
    Charlie, Culloden, 1746. See yez on Tuesday."

    Sir John , Earl of Bligeport & Sudspumpwater. MBE [ Motor Bike Engineer ] Nottingham England.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2004


    Good one
    NRA member

    Gun control is using both hands

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Prestatyn, North-Wales


    That's brilliant John..keep em coming.

    all the best....mark

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    So Cal

    Thumbs up



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    On the Oil Coast,USA


    I just need one more tool,just one!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2002


    You will never believe this but this actually happened when I was a boy. well said John just like me.
    Please excuse my typing as I have a form of parkinsons disease

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2005


    My friend, a grade 5 Catholic school teacher is laughing so hard after reading this that she's having trouble breathing......

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Western New York U.$.A


    Now the flame thrower kid in another post was nuts but I kinda like the moxie of Wee Alistar !

    Very funny!
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    Thank you to our families of soldiers, many of whom have given so much more then the rest of us for the Freedom we enjoy.

    It is true, there is nothing free about freedom, don't be so quick to give it away.

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