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Thread: OTM Humor Subject: Calling in sick - this is hilarious!

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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    273

    Default OTM Humor Subject: Calling in sick - this is hilarious!

    Subject: Calling in sick - this is hilarious!
    Cat Lover or Not, this is Hysterical!
    We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:

    Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how
    legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm
    lying.
    On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because
    the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I
    had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in
    the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain
    the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly
    because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little
    kitty.
    Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.
    Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast
    when I heard my
    wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.
    'Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come
    reset it.'
    'You know where the button is,' I protested through the
    shower pitter-patter and steam. 'Reset it yourself!'
    'But I'm scared!' she persisted. 'What if it starts going
    and sucks me in?'
    There was a meaningful pause and then, 'C'mon, it'll only
    take you a second.'
    So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my
    silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her
    behaviour as extremely cowardly.

    Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the
    sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.

    It struck without warning, and without any respect to my
    circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its
    gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating
    dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been
    poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at
    the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I
    unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost
    all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising
    at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging
    from my masculine region.

    Wild animals are sometimes faced with a 'fight or flight'
    syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the 'flight' option. I
    know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the
    sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.
    The impact knocked me out cold.

    When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.
    Now there are not many things in this life worse than
    finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group
    of 'been-there, done-that' paramedics.
    Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all
    snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying
    to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.

    Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in
    to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me
    about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk
    about, which it was.
    'What's the matter?' They all asked, 'Cat got your tongue?'
    If they only knew!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Location
    Illinois
    Posts
    696

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  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    861

    Default

    David,
    The kitty, bless the little soul, could have caused some damage to your well being, and not above your shoulder height ! I dread to think the outcome if it should happen to me with my fully grown old cat, (masquerading as a tiger with claws like sabres)
    The funniest thing i heard on a not dissimilar vein, over here was a man, who was an avid home improvement type, Visualise the scene--
    1) man builds his wife upstairs bathroom to die for.
    2) Man is upstairs having a bath.
    3) Wife is downstairs having get together with all her pals.
    4) heavy king size bath, full of water+man, proves too much for
    beam at end of bath, Bath tilts, other beam gives way.
    5) bath +man in nuddie comes crashing down through ceiling
    amongst genteel lady visitors&wife (all thoroughly soaked
    and shocked)
    6) further horrors! pipework all ripped out, electrical system all
    blown, bricks, water storage tank etcdown on top of
    delicious food ,and state of the art cooker, thus kitchen ruined,
    not to mention further structural damage.

    Moral of story, Have structural calculations correct I wonder how the ladies viewed our man in future?

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 1999
    Location
    SE OZ
    Posts
    2,266

    Default Justice

    Justice.

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