CHRISTMAS FAIRY

I am a little fairy
On tap o' the Christmas Tree.
It's no' a job I fancy.
Well how would you like tae be me?

A' tarted up wi' tinsel.
It's enough to mak ye boak
An' a couple o' jaggy branches
Rammed up the back o' your frock.

An' these wee lights a'roon me -
I canna get my sleep
An' there's the yearly visit
Fae Santa - Big fat creep!

On Christmas Day I'm stuck up here
While you're a-wirin' in
An' naebody says "Hey you up there -
Could you use a spot o' gin?"

It's nae joke bein' a fairy.
The job's beyond belief.
You've got to go roon the bairns beds
An' lift their rotten teeth.

But o' a' the jobs a fairt gets
(An' I've mentioned only some.)
The very worst is sitting up a tree
Wi' pine needles up yir bum.

When a' the fairies meet again
By the light of the silvery moon
Ye can tell the Christmas fairies -
They're the ones wa' can't sit doon.

The Christmas tree's a bonny sight
As the firelight softly flickers.
But think o' me - I'm stuck up here
Wi' needles in me knickers.

So soon as Christmas time's right by
An' I stop bein' sae full o' cheer
I'll get away back tae Fairyland
An' see yous a' next year.