I heard a new one today

[gizmo2]

for lack of power; That thing wouldn't turn over the dynamo in a lightning bug's ass.

[Opa]

That man's so crooked he has to sleep in a round house.
If I came down to your level, I'd have to hiss.
He's so low he could s--- off a snake.
He didn't carve a career, he chiseled it.

[KiddZimaHater]

"Hotter than a Mexican's lunch."
"That boy's about as sharp as a sack full of wet mice." - Foghorn Leghorn

[blowlamp]

If it's got wheels or tits, it's gonna be trouble.


Martin.

[Mister ED]

The two I remember growing up (odd both are temp related):
'Colder than a welldigger's ass in Montana'
'Colder than a whitches titty in a brass bra'

I think the latter was used for colder temps than the former. And that was before Modanna actuallly wore the brass bra thing, back in the '80s.

[oil mac]

As useless as an ashtray on a motorcycle

As useless as a chocolate firescreen

He would put tits on a bull

[Duffy]

"Handy as a pocket in a shirt."
"Cold enough to freeze the nuts off a John Deere plow."
"Nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs."

[studentjim]

His brains are as scarce as the grace of god in a whore house.

[LKeithR]

I worked on a ranch east of Williams Lake (B.C.) in the mid 60s. Guy I worked for was an American and he had been a road and rail construction superintendent for the McLeod River Logging Co. in northern California before he bought the ranch and moved up north. He was a tough old bird but we got along just fine.

Three things I remember about him were his Bull Durham Navy Cut tobacco, strong black coffee and this phrase...

"Tighter than a bull's ass in fly time."

[studentjim]

He's as sharp as a bowling ball.
He reminds me of a light bulb, bright but no brains.
I'm as busy as a cat with two asses on a tin roof.
Lucky as a two peckered billy goat.
These are a few that I've heard over the years.