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Thread: I heard a new one today

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    sierra mountains
    Posts
    605

    Default I heard a new one today

    Today we had to air hammer some concrete with a lot of rebar in it.

    The bits were constantly wedging under the rebar.

    My helper gets frustrated,throws the hammer down and yells
    "This is worse than skinning a bowling ball with a potato peeler"

    I laughed so much we had to take a break.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Kent, U.K.
    Posts
    1,960

    Default

    When I was in my early 20's I got a jackhammer wedged behind a rebar with my back against a wall. The rebar turned the hammer and pushed the handles into my abdomen pinning my fingers around the trigger with the trigger full on and just kept driving it in getting tighter and tighter into my gut until my workmate spotted it and shut the air off.

    I never got caught out like that again.
    Peter - novice home machinist, modern motorcycle enthusiast.

    Denford Viceroy 280 Synchro (11 x 24)
    Herbert 0V adapted to R8 by 'Sir John'.
    Monarch 10EE 1942

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    north bay area
    Posts
    4,077

    Default

    A freind of mine with a welding/fab/repair shop has a saying i've heard a few times when he gets a job in that is horribly worn:

    Damned thing was worn thinner than a mosquitoes bag!!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Atlanta, GA, U.S.A
    Posts
    106

    Default

    Two that I've always loved are from the old cartoon strip "Pogo"

    "If brains were shoes I'd be barefoot all the way to my knees"

    "If stupidity were music he'd be a brass band"

    And then there's one from an old record album, I can't recall the title.

    "That's slicker 'n deer guts on a door knob".

    Lets hear some more guys!

    Planeman

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    On the Oil Coast,USA
    Posts
    16,725

    Default

    "If brains were dynamite he wouldn't have enough to blow his nose"
    I just need one more tool,just one!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Spencer MA USA
    Posts
    1,571

    Default

    "If BS was airplanes this place would be Logan Airport".

    Use your own local high-volume mode and transportation center.

  7. #7

    Default

    One that used to go around was "Slicker than snot on a glass doorknob."

    I had a friend with a certain genius for turns of phrase. I've heard him singing snatches of songs like "In the morning when we writhe". He'd explain something he wanted me to do for him and often had a notion of how to do it. He'd preface his dissertation on HOW by saying, "I'm not trying to tell you how to f**k your goat, but ..." and off he'd go.
    .
    "Be thankful you don't get all the government you pay for." Will Rogers

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    Shuswap, BC
    Posts
    246

    Default

    Slicker than snot on a Roosters beak!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Location
    Albuquerque
    Posts
    2,095

    Default

    < "Slicker than snot on a glass doorknob." >

    That was the one I grew up hearing from dad etc.
    ...Lew...

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    N44 W123
    Posts
    73

    Default

    "Darker than a stack of black cats."

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