I heard a new one today

[1-800miner]

Today we had to air hammer some concrete with a lot of rebar in it.

The bits were constantly wedging under the rebar.

My helper gets frustrated,throws the hammer down and yells
"This is worse than skinning a bowling ball with a potato peeler"

I laughed so much we had to take a break.

[Peter.]

When I was in my early 20's I got a jackhammer wedged behind a rebar with my back against a wall. The rebar turned the hammer and pushed the handles into my abdomen pinning my fingers around the trigger with the trigger full on and just kept driving it in getting tighter and tighter into my gut until my workmate spotted it and shut the air off.

I never got caught out like that again.

[sasquatch]

A freind of mine with a welding/fab/repair shop has a saying i've heard a few times when he gets a job in that is horribly worn:

Damned thing was worn thinner than a mosquitoes bag!!

[planeman]

Two that I've always loved are from the old cartoon strip "Pogo"

"If brains were shoes I'd be barefoot all the way to my knees"

"If stupidity were music he'd be a brass band"

And then there's one from an old record album, I can't recall the title.

"That's slicker 'n deer guts on a door knob".

Lets hear some more guys!

Planeman

[wierdscience]

"If brains were dynamite he wouldn't have enough to blow his nose"

[PixMan]

"If BS was airplanes this place would be Logan Airport".

Use your own local high-volume mode and transportation center.

[TGTool]

One that used to go around was "Slicker than snot on a glass doorknob."

I had a friend with a certain genius for turns of phrase. I've heard him singing snatches of songs like "In the morning when we writhe". He'd explain something he wanted me to do for him and often had a notion of how to do it. He'd preface his dissertation on HOW by saying, "I'm not trying to tell you how to f**k your goat, but ..." and off he'd go.

[Shuswap Pat]

Slicker than snot on a Roosters beak!

[Lew Hartswick]

< "Slicker than snot on a glass doorknob." >

That was the one I grew up hearing from dad etc.
...Lew...

[Danl]

"Darker than a stack of black cats."