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Thread: We all need a little chuckle

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
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    Nanoose Bay, British Columbia
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    Default We all need a little chuckle

    A typical Texan was visiting a fellow rancher in Australia and was in the process of touring the man's ranch. He asked, "How much land do you have on this spread?"
    The Aussie replied, "Oh! I guess about 50 acres."
    The Texan replied, "Well I guess that's a nice little stump farm."
    Back came the Aussie with, "And how much land do you have back in Texas?.
    "A little over 50,000 acres, " came the reply.
    And so it went, everything the Aussie said was put down until he finally quit talking.
    Luck came his way that afternoon when a kangaroo hopped across the road in front of their vehicle. This led the Texan to exclaim," What the hell was that?.
    Instantly the Aussie tried to get revenge by answering in a condescending voice, "What, haven't you got field mice in Texas?.
    Once again the Texan outwitted him by saying, Well sure, but I guess I never seen a baby one before."

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Ashburton, near Christchurch New Zealand
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    Default

    I dont know how big ranches are in Texas but 50 acres would be little more than a 'life style block' in NZ and 50,000 acres would be a typical 'ranch', however in Australia a 'ranch' would be more like 500,000 or a million acres.

    Of course we dont call them 'ranches' in NZ or Australia, here the nearest equivalent word would be 'station'.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Woodinville, WA
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    Default

    Jokes like this will send Old Tiffie into a tailspin

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Burnet, TX
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    Well the Brits came over and set up a nice little ranch in North Texas known as the XIT. That was ten counties in Texas.
    Byron Boucher
    Burnet, TX

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Southwestern Ontario, Canada
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    3,242

    Default

    A Texan, Mexican, Englishman and a Frenchman were on a two engine commuter plane. After a half hour the pilot came on the intercom and said that they where losing power on both engines and everything would have to be jettisoned if they didn't want to crash. Quickly the four men through everything out of the plane that they could including the door and seats. The pilot came on again and said it's not enough and if they didn't lose more weight the plane wouldn't make it to a airport.

    The Frenchman goes over to the open door and says "I will sacrifice myself to save all of you", jumps out yelling "Viva La France" and fell to his death.

    The Englishman not to be outdone by a Frenchman goes to the door, Yells "long live the Queen" and jumps out falling to his death.

    The Texan and Mexican run to the door amazed by what they had seen and the Texan says "I will not be outdone by Europeans", yells "Remember the Alamo" and though the Mexican out the door.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    112

    Default

    Texan cattlle baron talking to a small Norfolk (UK) farmer and asks how big his spread is?

    '500 acres' said the old boy proudly, 'How big is your farm.

    The Texan tells the old guy that, if he got iin to his car, he couldn't drive round the fence between sunrise and sunset.

    'I had a car like that.'

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
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    1,605

    Default

    An Texan died and they couldn't find a coffin big enough for him so they gave him an enema and buried him in a shoe box.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Nanoose Bay, British Columbia
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    Default

    I remember dating a girl in high school, she was so tall she could hunt geese with a rake?

  9. #9
    gnm109 Guest

    Default

    There's a small town, I think it's in Canada somewhere that has had the same exact population for more than 100 years. Turns out, every time a baby is born, a man leaves town.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Essex, England
    Posts
    223

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    Letter to a men's helpline...

    Hi Bob, I really need your advice on a serious problem:
    I have suspected for some time now that my wife
    may have been cheating on me, but!
    There's the usual signs:
    If the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up;
    She goes out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for
    her when she comes home, but I usually fall asleep.
    Anyway last night about midnight I hid in the shed behind the boat.
    When she came home, she got out of someone's car buttoning her blouse,
    then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on.
    And it was at that moment crouched behind the boat
    that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard engine mounting bracket.
    Is that something I can weld,
    or do I need to replace the whole bracket?

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