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OT: Old Soldiers?

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  • OT: Old Soldiers?

    I'm Ready To Go!

    I'm over 60 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down
    terrorists. You can't be older than 35 to join the military.

    They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off
    to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join
    until you're at least 35.

    For starters:

    Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds.

    Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than
    28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

    Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is
    a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into
    submission. "My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!" "Where's the remote control?"

    An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war
    until you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy, on
    the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35
    and a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60 would do
    wonders for the old beer belly.

    An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m.

    Old guys get up early every morning to pee.

    If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd probably
    forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a
    real brainteaser.

    Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to getting
    screamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food. We've alsodeveloped
    a deep appreciation for guns and rifles.

    We like them almost better than naps.

    They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat
    and I didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor
    did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the
    Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and give me...er...one."

    And the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen anyone
    outrun a bullet.

    An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to
    shave, to actually carry on a conversation, and to wear pants without the
    top of his butt crack showing and his boxer shorts sticking out. He's still
    hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a
    400-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum.

    All great reasons to keep our sons at home to learn a little more about
    life before sending them off to possible death.

    Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked our
    hearts on September 11. The last thing the enemy would want to see right
    now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes.
    Walt

  • #2
    There is a lot of merit in what you say! However, I am 51 and still in the military and can tell you that my body REALLY doesn't like the desert heat, long hours, NO NAPS, etc, etc.
    Then there are the superiors who insist on reinventing the wheel! Then there are the younger troops who talk about sex and I am trying to remember exactly what that is all about. And on top of that, there is ah....heck, I forgot what I was going to say.

    I'm really not kidding about MOST of the above.

    Rick

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    • #3
      I'd give my eye-teeth if I could have another run at it! I've dreamed about it.
      - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
      Thank you to our families of soldiers, many of whom have given so much more then the rest of us for the Freedom we enjoy.

      It is true, there is nothing free about freedom, don't be so quick to give it away.

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      • #4
        I'm getting close to 60 and think your right. The biggest problem with the young men is they think about sex every 30 seconds. We old fellows are about every 60 seconds.
        Michael

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        • #5
          All this talk of sex.I'd rather have a good feed

          ------------------
          Hans
          Hans

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          • #6
            <font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Michael Az:
            I'm getting close to 60 and think your right. The biggest problem with the young men is they think about sex every 30 seconds. We old fellows are about every 60 seconds.
            Michael
            </font>
            I wish I only thought about it every 30 seconds.

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            • #7
              If they hired us old ****ers the war we be over right smart. I still remember how to kill someone. Get out there, you look slightly dangerous, BLAM, next. When do I go home?
              Free software for calculating bolt circles and similar: Click Here

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              • #8
                Your Old Dog
                I would go with you.

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                • #9
                  <font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Evan:
                  If they hired us old ****ers the war we be over right smart. I still remember how to kill someone. Get out there, you look slightly dangerous, BLAM, next. When do I go home? </font>
                  Say's the guy that couldn't even figure out the simple typing test. lol

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                  • #10
                    war sucks,god bless our troops.send the boys and girls home. a few well placed tactical nukes and this mess would be over .

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                    • #11
                      <font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by tracker:
                      war sucks,god bless our troops.send the boys and girls home. a few well placed tactical nukes and this mess would be over .</font>
                      In the early '80s I remember seeing a tee shirt with a BUFF head on it racing away from a mushroom cloud with the saying "And Now it's Miller Time". But let's face it, the reason that old men aren't used to fight wars is they simply could not put up with the day to day grind

                      Forty plus years and I still have ten toes, ten fingers and both eyes. I must be doing something right.

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                      • #12
                        .

                        [This message has been edited by decoy91288 (edited 08-14-2005).]
                        Craig

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                        • #13
                          .
                          Craig

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                          • #14
                            When your right, your right! Specially tracker! Hell the Virginia Farmboys are convinced - convinced the terrorist are going to nuke us! We oughta do them first!

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                            • #15
                              I'm 75 and I've been fighting those Mohammedens all of my life. I'm an Armenian. They murdered 3/4 of the living Armenians in 1915 and nobody batted an eyelash. My family tree was cut off at ground level. Now they spend all kinds of money in propaganda to blame the victims and deny that the Armenian massacres ever happened.
                              Good luck, you come-latelys. Your war, like my war will NEVER, EVER be over. You are deluding yourself to think otherwise.
                              The Koran is a book of hate. We are the "Infidels" they are told to eliminate.
                              So, stop with the brave talk; it means nothing and just makes you look more foolish than you already are.
                              Even if the troops come home and somebody in D.C. declares that the war is over, they will continue to try to kill you and your family and they are willing to give up their lives to accomplish the deed.
                              I wish you all more luck than I've had in my lifetime.
                              Today we carve our own omens Leonidas at Thermopylae

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