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OT -New ATM Procedures

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  • OT -New ATM Procedures

    After months of painstaking research, Male and Female procedures have been developed for ATM machines. Please follow the appropriate procedure for your gender:

    Male Procedure:
    1. Drive up to the cash machine
    2. Put down your car window
    3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN
    4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw
    5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt
    6. Put window up
    7. Drive away

    Female Procedure:
    1. Drive up to cash machine
    2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine
    3. Set Parking brake, put the window down
    4. Find Handbag, remove all contents on the passenger seat to locate card
    5. Tell person on cellphone you will call them back and hang up
    6. Attempt to insert card into machine
    7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car
    8. Insert card
    9. Withdraw card and insert right way up
    10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside of the back page
    11. Enter PIN
    12. Press cancel and re-enter the correct PIN
    13. Enter the amount of cash required
    14. Check makeup in rear view mirror
    15. Retrieve cash and receipt
    16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place the cash inside
    17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook
    18. Re-check makeup
    19. Drive forward 2 feet
    20. Reverse back to cash machine
    21. Retrieve card
    22. Re-empty handbag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided
    23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you
    24. Restart stalled engine and pull away
    25. Redial person on cell phone
    26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles
    27. Release parking brake.

    If this offends any women, I apologize. I thought about re-writing it for absent-minded professors (very similar!), but to hell with being politically correct.

  • #2
    Hey look!.. something shiny.. I gotta go..