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  • getting our priorities sorted

    When I look at the terrible need children and young people have to be noticed perhaps loved.Whatever happened to being yourself as an individual.So many kids today are wearing all this designer crap their heads are twisted with having to feel part of something I really feel sorry for some of them .The designer industry is putting too much pressure on people actually not just kids.so many people having to feel as if they stand out and be admired wearing a sign of their wealth by their clothing labels.I dress like a hobo all day long (if I can get away with it)don't get me wrong I like to be clean. Naturally if I go somewhere important I dress up but I am not worried sick if this don't match that.What in gods name have we done to our kids today? why do they not feel loved for who thay are without feeling they have to be perfect.
    I worked many years ago in a laboratory as a young man I was still learning the boss (not the owner) made me feel like I was nothing for three years he would never encourage me everything was to his displeasure .He constantly reminded me that I was just a whisper from being shown the door.I lived those years very unhappy .Not with him strangely enough with myself because I felt there must have been some truth in what he was saying.One day I just snapped the constant shouting and talking down to me came to an end I walked out of the door half way through the day and with god's help I went home got changed and went to look for other employment.On my way to the dental depot which was the best place to look for the kind of work I was empoyed in I passed the Dental Hospital for some strange reason I went in and left my name and address the young girl wrote it down and I made my way out of the door and down the street towards the depot she ran after me and asked me if I would like to study orthodontics asthere was a full time paid course for two years (one position left to fill)I said I did and was offered a training position right away.The guy who was in charge of the lab was a great man and always taught me so much everything I did he would take hold of it and run next door loudly exclaiming that I was a genius look look he said at what the new boy has done and him only just started with us.He taught me that we need to constantly encourage and love our children .I have never forgotten his kindness to me which went on day after day for a further two years which I was there.God gives us wonderful oportunities everyday to do the right thing when confronted by something which is blatantly wrong we should say so and if we have the oportunity to go that extra little bit to encourage and praise some young person telling them what a wonderfull and special person they are we should do it it makes such a difference to them to be praised even if it is for a very little thing. Every time I have the oportunity I tell my kids how special they are in what they are doing and how crazy I am about them.Alistair
    Please excuse my typing as I have a form of parkinsons disease

  • #2
    It's dicey work to be a kid these days. My boy is 15, and it's really fun to see him grow and take stock in himself. He fights to fit in, then has to fight with what he's compromised. Then he comes to a middle ground somewhere between peer and self acceptance. What a great kid!

    I have a good boss now, probably my best ever. It is too easy to discount the value of a happy work life for a few extra pieces of silver. Man, I have had some stinkers over the years! I'd rather be 'financially challenged' than work for a turd. But it's a hard-learned lesson, eh?
    I'm here hoping to advancify my smartitude.

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    • #3
      Gizmo your so right some schoolteachers and employers ought to realise that the carrot is more productive than the stick.A child or employee will work twice as hard and be twice as loyal and be twice as happy.
      A happy atmosphere at work is also better for the bosses own spiritual well being creating an atmosphere more like a small family were the employees look forward to beoing there with their friends . Alistair
      Please excuse my typing as I have a form of parkinsons disease

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      • #4
        Alastair and Gizmo.

        I worked for a company once as a temp. I was hired to work in another division for some guy I never met. People came up to congratulate me not so much for getting a real job but because I was lucky to work for this guy (he was the plant manager). Two people that made the most fuss about my good fortune told me "you are so lucky to work for ____, I worked for him and loved it and would work for him again. As a matter of fact he even wrote me up a few times, and I would still love to work for him". High praise indeed. I went to that division and there was a lot of complaining about this guy, he was just moved over a few months earlier and found that the old boss was a *****. The employees could go into his office and cry and complain about anything and everything and this boss would listen and comisirate with them. Needless to say that made it tough on the boss i worked for because he expected them to act like adults. One of their complaints was if they were late getting back from luck due to traffic, he actually expected them to stay late to make up the time!!! (how cruel). "The old boss didn't make us do that". Anyway, I enjoyed working for him, he was the classic boss. I made a big mistake once, it was just dumb new guy bad luck and some stupidity. The boss came over and spoke to me (I had already let him know I made the mistake) this talked lasted for twenty minutes. He walked away and I knew where I had screwed up, what it cost the company and what it would take to make it up (on my part). I completely understood where I stood and what it was going to take, then he walked away. Later that day I realized "hey, he chewed my ass", later on I found out his real great strength as a leader HE FORGAVE PEOPLE THAT MAKE HONEST MISTAKES, THEN HE FORGETS IT. Sorry about the capital letters I really admired him and respected him greatly. Like you've said I'ver worked for the screemers and other jerks. Usually they don't want you to outshine them and would rather you were miserable rather than be happy. It surprises me that it takes so little for someone to make someones day. There is a story about a person riding in a New York cab with an imigrant driver. They guy gets to his location and thanks the driver, pays and tips him and says "thank you sir" to the cabbie. The cabbie hopped out and opened the door for him. The guy asks "why did you get the door for me", the cabbie says "I've been driving this cab for X years (I don't remember how many was said) and you're the first person to call me sir".
        What you say and do makes a difference. If you want to make the world a better place it starts with you (us). Before we complain about someone's actions we need to make sure were not part of the problem and not worse than they are. I always try to walk in their shoes. I also agree that kids have it really tough today, this fitting in is crazy now days. Best of luck to you parents these days.

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        • #5
          Alistair

          I have never been a father, but have had to deal with both my sisters children. Of the five only 2 had their father around for anly length of time (and him and his friend molested them). I did what I could to help them and prove that not all men are bastards (by example).

          I am proud to say my oldest nephew was recently made the Manager of a large retail drugstore. The youngest boy was skipped two grades - in the prior year he had an "f" average. The oldest girl is determined to be a Power Engineer. The youngest, a sweet little girl is still coping with her horrible ordeal.

          The oldest boy of the four plans "doing" this or that, but does even less now that he has a survivors pension from his dead father's estate. He is the one I am worried about - going nowhere fast.

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          • #6
            Dave you would make a great father I know that.Still you would make a great uncle I know that too as you have made us all a great friend.best regards Alistair
            Please excuse my typing as I have a form of parkinsons disease

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            • #7
              My first real boss had a lot to teach but
              he was moody a lot. He wouldn't talk for
              days. It got old but I respect him for de-
              manding the best for his customers. I learned a lot. The boss that hired me at my
              present job just retired. He was very in-
              telligent he had a lot insight. I really
              respected him he would give you a job and let
              you do it. I made a major mistake and all he
              said was fix it. He knew I knew I had really
              blown it(the time I wasted was the most serious matter)but he didn't berate me. If
              he had I wouldn't have learned the lesson of
              PAYING ATTENTION TO DETAIL!!!! I also realized that screaiming and yelling usually
              won't help the situation.

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              • #8
                That's a sad story indeed Dave, just lucky you were around to help pick up the pieces - hope it goes well with them.
                Tel

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                • #9
                  Dave I don't usually come across a situation were I cannot feel there is some good in a human being but people who do these things to children are the scum of the earth the don't deserve to be released out into the normal comunity for the rest of their natural lives.
                  We have a pair here called Brady and Hyndley she died last week you would be amazed at the number of people who called for her release, ( he seemingly doesn't want freedom).
                  She fought for her feedom from the day she was imprisoned one lie after another for years. Not only did they sexually abuse their young victims before murdering them and burying their little bodies out on the moors in shallow graves they taped the childrens screams for mercy as they were being tortured so the sicko's could play it back later for their own sexual gratification .
                  And there were people who felt she had been in prison long enough and she should be released. What are they thinking?. Alistair
                  Please excuse my typing as I have a form of parkinsons disease

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I think one of the biggest problems with parents these days is their drive to have it all, big house, new car, nice clothes, etc. Trouble is, they don't realize that what their kids really need is as much time as possible with their parents. I suppose I was a product of that as well, my dad worked alot of hours, he was self employed, and built a very sucessful business, the afforded his family everything they could ask for, and more. Honestly kids don't know the difference between the nicest neighborhoods and not, but they do remember later how many times dad took them out fishing and hunting, as those times mean the most. I think I went fishing with my dad less then 1/2 dozen times in my life. I get out at least that many times with the hole family a year.

                    My wife and I are fortunate to be able to afford a house on one salary, and my wife has stayed home to raise the kids. I work 40 hours a week, put in some overtime when necessary, but would much rather be home with my kids, then hanging out at work, to appear that I'm putting in lots of work.

                    I've been very fortunate in life to work for some great bosses. Most fortunate was building a land speed record vehicle, ie streamliner for the salt flats with a friend of a friend. I was out of work after graduating from engineering school, and he suggested we build a new car together. It started with me coming over to do maintenance work on his existing car, then we started work on the new car. He gave me keys to the shop, I'd show up at 8-9, he'd get back from his job around 4, and we'd work til 10-11 every night, and I'd spend most weekends there as well. His wife was a great cook, and I guess you could say I did the work for food thing.

                    I think the 4 months I spent in the shop was more informative then the 4+ years in college. I learned that things get made by determination and hard work. He was a high school drop out, and of modest means. By determination and begging and borrowing he got done what needed to get done. His former neighbor would stop by the shop occasionally, and out of that, I got my first job. The car is currently the fastest 5 liter naturally aspirated vehicle on earth at 304 mph two way average.

                    I can relate to the clothing thing, most of my clothing is 10 years old, and what I wore to high school and college.

                    Anyhow, yes, encouraging words mean so much, and our so easy to give!

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                    • #11
                      My son is 27 and wants to just slide thru life. He could have gone to West Point, with out the political appointment, he turned it down. He sort of works as an electrician. I drive old cars that are only being kept alive my hard work and sweat, after I have them a year or two, I give to charity.
                      My son drives a 1999 Luxuy equipted Thunderbird, which he has junked up. At 27 he is divorced from a the wicked witch of the north and has two kids to support.
                      I have 8 years of college, served in the Army, developed a good career, had all of the right years of work in the right place and got to retire early. My son will have to work the rest of his life.

                      I hate too say this He's not too bright. His values are in not good, he keeps getting into bad relationships, spends lots on beer. I asked him once to grind out a knife. I was not expecting fine piece of work, just a basic utility knife. He has ground out the shape. And it's been sitting in the place for two years.
                      Once he took a carburator apart, down to the last nut and bolt, to clean it and couldn't remember how to get back together. I purchased him the factory book. He threw the carburator away and bought a new one. If he had asked, I would have told him how to clean the carb, it isn't that hard, and you don't take it all apart.

                      Where are values these days? I don't know. I am trying to preserve some of the things that we have lost in the past 50 years in many things that were trades and artforms in this country.

                      Off my soap box,

                      Jerry

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                      • #12
                        Some kids are just born stupid and go down hill from there. When I was on active duty I would see the good and bad from all over america and all backgrounds most kids eventually realize what is required of them to get through life, it just takes a little longer.
                        We have all run into these eople who just don't get it. My neighbor Says "boy,Jim you must be really sucessful because you have this cool shop,a 35 year old motorcycle and and a 67 camaro SS 396 that all look like new." It doesn't dawn on him that in high school I took care of my camaro while he wrapped his mustang around a pole or that I restored my motorcycle rather than running through four different bikes like he did. To take care or fix of something is just beyond this guy, got a flat, buy a new tire, he breaks the remote,he gets a new tv. All he sees is that somehow I scammed the system.
                        Non, je ne regrette rien.

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                        • #13
                          Thrud, and all,
                          At the risk of sounding like a liberal arts type, I'm going to comment on the topic of this thread. As a school teacher, I've too often seen the human wreckage caused by child abuse. Although I have a background in Psychology, I never learned anything in my studies as valuable as what I read in a fairly new book titled,"TRAUMA AND RECOVERY". It contains the only explanation of "survivor guilt" that makes sense to me. To help somone, you don't have to be a shrink, but it sure helps to understand the responce the human mind has made to the crisis that damaged it. It also helps to know what the steps in the healing process are.
                          My copy is loaned to somone who needs it right now, so I can't look up the author or the isbin #. It is a great book and well worth a read.
                          hms50
                          hms

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                          • #14
                            Alistair,

                            i have been reading and re-reading this post for a couple of days.

                            i have 4 kids. raising one of them myself. i couldn't agree with you more.

                            i have tried with all of them to teach them what little i know. mostly trade stuff. i have never had to look very far for a job when i wanted one. kids now seem to think that 'work' ocnsists mostly of playing computer games.

                            kid that lives with me is 16. i have had him for 6 years. he has a little brother 12 that wants to come live with us and has from the beginning. the mother sees the loss of a paycheck there andis resistant to the idea. the 12 year old is the most 'mechanical' of the bunch. 2 boys and 2 girls. girls can do a brake job, spark plugs, change oil, tires, etc. seems like stuff a person needs to know to me.

                            thank you for putting some ideas into words. sometimes i am not too articulate.

                            good post. good thoughts.
                            bill
                            ........i dremel. therefore i am..........................

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                            • #15
                              Chief, your post struck a cord with me! It seems like whenever someone sees my shop or restored bike or whatever I've just made or repaired, they say somthing like "Your so lucky to be able to do that!" I know what they realy mean, but it sounds as if they think my shop, tools and skills just happened, like the color of my eyes! I just bite my lip and nod and try not to say what I'm thinking. On the flip side, if I fix a friend's car they think I'm a wizard. If they take it to a garage and have it fixed, the mechanic is just doing his job and is over paid!

                              hms50
                              hms

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