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Mall Christmas shopping - the males view

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  • Mall Christmas shopping - the males view

    Is there anything more frightening than a crowded mall during Christmas shopping season, or anything more full of useless stuff?

    My dear bride finally kidnapped me and took me screaming to the mall of New Hampshire to join her and about 150 thousand of her closest friends to do this stuff. I just love it. wall to wall people, men just trying to look enthuastic, kids trying to squirm their way out of and under anything they can, the JDB mall rat kids with the piercings everywhere and pants on their ankles, store clerks who do not even know the name of the store much less the product, the little Heritage farms sample sausage weenies, Chinese knock off crap, and the occassional idiot who is ignorant to humanity - cutting in front of others looking at things, or trying to cut lines - and needs a shower to boot.....

    And who can ever forget the good old "food court" food.....

    My wife and daughter just live for this stuff.....

    Tried to play sick, they got out all the Tums and Dayquill they could find in advance......

    They hate my trips to "Hudson news" for my good cigars though, but they give me my 30 seconds in there. Call it a peace offering....

    I am home now, can anyone say "Prozac"?


  • #2
    I've heard of the mall beast but have never found much use of one - other than the Sears it swallows on ocassion.

    For the last several years I've been doing all my Christmas shopping on the wonderful, caring, supportive, relaxing, understands-my-needs, Internet. Come, join me in the gentle light of softly glowing phosphers.
    No shirt no shoes - perfect.



    • #3
      Shopping at christmas time most anyplace is akin to loving to go to the dentist. It is painful and always so much better a few hours later.


      • #4
        Only two malls in all of Wyoming. Just my luck one of the bastitches is only ten minutes away. Happy holidays all.
        I'm here hoping to advancify my smartitude.


        • #5
          Lucky me. I live but a few miles from "West Edmonton Mall" (W.E.M.) - ooh, I am all tingly. I hate christmas. The prices of toys go up two months before and drop three months after. Last minute shoppers who are as clueless as their "victims". I stay the hell away from W.E.M. for two weeks before and after christmas. Eight lanes of traffic jams all around this hell hole on glare ice and bald tires (not really, but it sounds better) - every driver a complete psycho from the christmas stress.

          I bought anything I was going to buy in August. I have a rule, kids get educational gifts and adults get squat - after all, I take the time to show up to bless them with my prescence and all (insert maniacal laugh here) !

          Since Christmas has drifted away from its original "pagan holiday"/"psuedo birthday of J.C." an into the realm of marketing I have decided that the true meaning of Christmas is now "Cheese Cake & Whipped Cream" preceded by "Turkey, smashed taters & gravey" - for which we should all be grateful for. Amen.

          BTW, if you can't think of a gift "from the heart" to a person, you do them a dis-service by slack assing it. Just tell them you are an uncaring slob and give them cash so they can get something themselves.

          [This message has been edited by Thrud (edited 12-08-2002).]


          • #6
            Armloads of catalogs have been arriving since early October. I do my shopping thru the catalogs and let the UPS man deliver to my door. If I have to go to the mall I do it on a monday night when the crowd is thin, but prefer not to go there at all.


            • #7
              I do my christmas shopping one week before christmas.
              I walk down to the travel agent which is 1/2 mile away and say.
              "What have you got cancelled that flies out EMA [ only 6 miles away ] tomorrow ?"

              Last year had two weeks in Cyprus and Egypt.
              Spent all the chrissy pressy money on the holiday. No one home to answer the phone or door. Real peacefull like..........

              John S.

              Sir John , Earl of Bligeport & Sudspumpwater. MBE [ Motor Bike Engineer ] Nottingham England.


              • #8
                Gizmo2, Only 2 malls?? I LIKE where you live and I ain't never seen it!!!!


                • #9
                  Hey, Thrud!! Watch your blood sugar levels---we'd hate to loose you!!


                  • #10
                    Ever since I had to start taking insulin I crash quite a few times. I kind of like it. The cold shivers and the heavy sweating, getting really grumpy (use it for an excuse when screaming at incompetent politicians), complete loss of coherency, and comas. Comas are very relaxing you now, but I must admit I don't appreciate waking up with tubes in every orfice I have (Safety Tip: any tubes in your John Thomas SHOULD NOT be pulled out - trust me ). My doctor says I am a sick bastard. I tell him, "See, that's why I come here."

                    They never get the obvious, do they?

                    [This message has been edited by Thrud (edited 12-09-2002).]


                    • #11
                      They built a new mall about 10 miles from my house a few years ago. I've been about three times, and hated it ever time. I'd much rather go to a small local store somewhere. Besides, there are no machine tool dealers!

                      It is interesting to see some of the strange people at malls though. Where do they come from? Where did they hide before there were malls? Are they really allowed to vote?
                      Try to make a living, not a killing. -- Utah Phillips
                      Don't believe everything you know. -- Bumper sticker
                      Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. -- Will Rogers
                      There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory. - Josh Billings
                      Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
                      Don't own anything you have to feed or paint. - Hood River Blackie


                      • #12

                        I avoid the mall of NH like the plague, especially since they re-did the whole access road arrangement. That mall caused me all sorts of allergic responses, sweaty palms, hot flashes, dizziness, nausea, etc., etc. We have our little mall in Concord and I only get hot flashes there.

                        The age level which many malls cater to seems to be going down, also, while ours goes up !

                        Talk about knock off products, our trade imbalance must sink to new lows at Christmas. I'm trying to teach my own kids what quality products are and what value means. This seems to be something many in this country have either forgotten or never knew.