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  • #31
    All these jokes are very funny. My wife and I will have be married 60 years come next December, I think we have heard or read all the wife/husband jokes there is. We laugh and think about how they pertain to us, most of them do. Still fun to read.
    _____________________________________________

    I would rather have tools that I never use, than not have a tool I need.
    Oregon Coast

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    • #32
      Originally posted by BMW Rider View Post
      I never need to ask permission from my wife to buy anything either.

      I wear the pants in our household. She just tells me which pair I'll be wearing.
      Remember it’s usually easier to ask for forgiveness than to receive permission.

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      • #33
        I've never been married, but I have had several wives...
        http://pauleschoen.com/pix/PM08_P76_P54.png
        Paul , P S Technology, Inc. and MrTibbs
        USA Maryland 21030

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        • #34
          Originally posted by Doozer View Post
          The biggest wife joke is when guys here post that they have to ask their wife's permission to buy something.
          Get your balls out of her purse. Utterly disgraceful. If you married the right woman, you would not be asking
          for permission.

          -Doozer
          I've always made the money in our household, and she handles the finances. She is as feminine as they come, and I'm . . . well, let's just say I don't fret about my masculinity. I always introduce her as my "first wife." She's been that way for 50 years now, and I think she's the right woman.

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          • #35
            Cute young thing to older guy: "Are you married?"
            Older guy: "My wife is"
            All of the gear, no idea...

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            • #36
              Interestingly enough I heard this one from a nun.

              A wife dies after a long illness and when she gets to St.Peter's gate he greets her and says there's just one last test before she could enter heaven. "How do you spell the word LOVE?" Well, that's not hard and she goes on in. After hanging out various places she finds she's really interested in the gateway and the process of entry so begins assisting Peter and even taking over for him briefly whiles he's off on a break or other business.

              After a couple years, it happens that she's there at the gate when who should show up but her husband, She says hello and asks how he's been. "Well," he says, "I've been doing pretty well just until this auto accident. After you died I married that nurse who had been so good taking care of you since we'd sort of bonded while she was there. And because of your health we never could travel much but with the insurance money we've been on a round the world tour. Yeah, I think things have been pretty good the last couple years."

              "That's good to hear" says the wife, "but you should know there's just one last test before one can enter heaven. How do you spell Czechoslovakia?"
              .
              "People will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time they will pick themselves up and carry on" : Winston Churchill

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              • #37
                Cute young thing to older guy: "Are you married?"
                Older guy: "My wife is"
                I shall remember this for the next time a cute young thing hits on me.
                "A machinist's (WHAP!) best friend (WHAP! WHAP!) is his hammer. (WHAP!)" - Fred Tanner, foreman, Lunenburg Foundry and Engineering machine shop, circa 1979

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                • #38
                  Originally posted by mickeyf View Post

                  I shall remember this for the next time a cute young thing hits on me.
                  Good luck with that!
                  I cut it off twice; it's still too short
                  Oregon, USA

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                  • #39
                    I have been a married man for 48 years. I have had three wives. While this current wife is the absolute best, i have to say the other two were amazing treasures. being with the first for 11 years and the second for 20 years. Those years with them were grand. You might ask “then how did you get divorced?”
                    My answer is: slowly at first and then rather suddenly. I might also add that it just took them that long to figure me out. While the current wife says she’s figured me out and thats why we’re married.

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                    • #40
                      Originally posted by mickeyf View Post

                      I shall remember this for the next time a cute young thing hits on me.
                      Remember, guys, when that sweet young thing smiles at you it's because you remind her of her grandfather.

                      -js
                      There are no stupid questions. But there are lots of stupid answers. This is the internet.

                      Location: SF Bay Area

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                      • #41
                        Originally posted by Tim Clarke View Post

                        Good luck with that!
                        That's the funniest thing in this thread! 🤣 🤣 🤣
                        Location: Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada

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                        • #42
                          Remember, guys, when that sweet young thing smiles at you it's because you remind her of her grandfather.
                          Actually, it's usually because I am her grandfather!
                          "A machinist's (WHAP!) best friend (WHAP! WHAP!) is his hammer. (WHAP!)" - Fred Tanner, foreman, Lunenburg Foundry and Engineering machine shop, circa 1979

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                          • #43
                            The legal penalty for polygamy here in NJ is two or more wives.

                            Please tip your bartender, I'll be here all week.

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                            • #44
                              The cute young things usually smile at me but last week, a couple of them laughed out loud!

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                              • #45
                                As i get older i have to keep adjusting the parameters of “cute young thing” ever upwards. Right now its women between 30 and 50. And if you think a 50 year old can’t be bubbly and effusive as a 19 year old, just you wait. Or if you have encountered this then you know what i mean. Sort of like the feeling you can get when someone offers you a Monarch 10ee shiny bright, gratis.

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