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  • Time for a joke ?

    The other day I went into town to do some shopping at my favourite store.
    I was in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
    I went up to him and said, "Come on mate, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres.

    So I called him a piece of dog turd. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

    Personally, I didn't give a damn; I come into town by bus. I do try to have a little fun each day .
    Last edited by speedy; 08-14-2006, 08:58 PM.
    Ken.

  • #2
    Cute...here's another one.

    After a long hard life, an old Louisiana Cajun was dying. As he lay there on his deathbed reflecting on his days, he thought how the one thing he would miss was his wife's delicious shrimp gumbo. While slipping in and out of consciousness, he suddenly thought he smelled that unmistakeable aroma. Dragging himself awake, he peered down the hall and saw her bustling in the kitchen. After many agonizing minutes, he snagged the wheelchair and pulled his tired old body onto it. He wheeled slowly into the kitchen and began to ladle some into a bowl when his wife spun on her heel and slapped his hand, exclaiming, "Ay Sacre Bleu! That is for the funeral guests!"

    Comment


    • #3
      An honest man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman
      > on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow,
      > just in front of him.
      >
      > He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even
      > though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating
      > through the intersection.
      >
      > The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming
      > in frustration as she missed
      > her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her
      > cell phone and makeup.
      >
      > As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her
      > window and looked up into the face of a very serious police
      > officer.
      >
      > The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.
      >
      >
      >
      > He took her to the police station where she was searched,
      > finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.
      >
      > After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell
      > and opened the door.
      >
      > She was escorted back to the booking desk where the
      > arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.
      >
      > He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I
      > pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn,
      > flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue
      > streak at him.
      >
      > "I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the
      > 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to
      > Sunday- School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated
      > Christian Fish emblem on the trunk Naturally... I assumed
      > you had stolen the car."
      NRA member

      Gun control is using both hands

      Comment


      • #4
        How is a gynocologist and a pizza delivery boy similiar?
        They both can smell it but neither can ...
        Ah ok this aint the forum for this joke, lol.

        Comment


        • #5
          "TATTOOMIKE68"





          All in good fun,huh

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          • #6
            OK, here's one:

            A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are
            the only animals that stutter", she says.

            A little girl raises her hand "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she
            volunteered.

            The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked
            the girl to describe the incident.

            "Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the rottweiler
            who lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped
            over the fence into our yard!

            "That must've been scary", said the teacher.

            "It sure was", said the little girl. "My little kitty went 'Fffff,Fffff,
            Fffff'...and before he could say, "F--k," the rottweiler ate him!"
            Lynn (Huntsville, AL)

            Comment


            • #7
              A gift for those difficult people you know...


              Free software for calculating bolt circles and similar: Click Here

              Comment


              • #8
                Time for a joke

                Evan,

                We are grate-full to you.

                Norm

                Comment


                • #9
                  Thank my wife, she sent it to me.
                  Free software for calculating bolt circles and similar: Click Here

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    A little boy pesters his mother till her ears get hot can I have a bike mah? no !came the reply can I mah? no can I mah? no! this went on for hours till he slumped in the chair looking misserable .In an effort to cheer him up the mother said why don't we play a few games we could play cards! no thanks !he said.Well something else she said why don't you name whatever game you like .Okay said the boy after thinking for a minute I want to play Mummies and Daddies.She is startled but decides to humour him a little ,get up them stairs, and get your selve undressed, and get into bed, said the boy sporting his fathers jacket and scarf and furiously pretend puffing on his fathers pipe.The mother does as she is told.A few minutes later the boy goes upstairs to find his mother in bed waiting for him, what shall I do now husband ! she asks a little embarrased well said the boy clearing his throat yell get your lazy arse up and dressed at this time of day and get down to that shop and get my boy a f$$$king bike woman.
                    Please excuse my typing as I have a form of parkinsons disease

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Evan
                      Thank my wife, she sent it to me.
                      So someone has a sense of humour

                      .
                      .

                      Sir John , Earl of Bligeport & Sudspumpwater. MBE [ Motor Bike Engineer ] Nottingham England.



                      Comment


                      • #12

                        Free software for calculating bolt circles and similar: Click Here

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Time for a joke

                          There's guy in another posting wanting to split his nuts.
                          Sir John- youre the Bridgy Guy!

                          And who will help another to harden his parts?

                          Where, pray, are we all going?

                          Time we did some serious script writing.

                          Norm

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Another Cajun joke...sorry, it's all I know...

                            Two Cajuns, named Clarence and Thibodeaux, were always yelling at each other across the bayou - screaming obscenities, nasty hand gestures, the whole nine yards. This went on for years. Finally, the parish road utility came by and built a bridge across the bayou. When it was finished, Thibodeaux's wife Marie says to him, "Say, Thibodeaux, all dese years you been yelling 'crost dat bayou at dat Clarence. Why doan you go ober dere and kick his tail?"

                            She kept at him so finally he worked into a lather, "By God, you right, mon cher, I'm going right ober dere and give him a thrashing." Off he marches in the direction of the bridge. Five minutes later, he comes back trembling and pale. He said, "Oh my Marie, I done t'ink I make a big mistake. I go off to whip dat Clarence but when I get to de bridge, it say clarence is 15' 9" - but I can tell you he doan look dat big from 'crost de bayou!"

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by NORMAN ATKINSON
                              There's guy in another posting wanting to split his nuts.
                              Sir John- youre the Bridgy Guy!

                              And who will help another to harden his parts?

                              Where, pray, are we all going?

                              Time we did some serious script writing.

                              Norm
                              Sorry Norm I hate the bloody things, over rated, crude, wimpy and did I mention over rated ?

                              As regards the hardening thread yet another post with no idea where he's located.
                              How the bloody hell can people help if they can't help themselves.

                              There is a hardening plant just across the road from me, literally 5 minutes walk but I don't suppose that will help him if he's in North Carolina.

                              .
                              .

                              Sir John , Earl of Bligeport & Sudspumpwater. MBE [ Motor Bike Engineer ] Nottingham England.



                              Comment

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