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Way OT: Etiquette in dealing with F-F pairings

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  • Way OT: Etiquette in dealing with F-F pairings

    I need to be pointed to a new version of "Emily Post" that tells me how to deal with folks who prefer female-female pairings. Does anyone know of a place where I can find such a thing?

    Apparently, I made a horrendous breach of etiquette when I tried to be kind to a female friend of mine who attempts an androgynous appearance, speaks with a husky voice, walks with Paul Bunyan strides and speaks often of her female "friend."

    She is under a great deal of stress, right now, because she has undertaken a whole new job assignment with a steep learning curve and she also has to look after the welfare of her elderly parents.

    I thought it would brighten her day and take her mind off her stress by sending her flowers at her work place on Valentine's Day, but had the florist sign her dogs' names to the card. I didn't want her to know I sent them because I didn't want it to appear as if I were being sweet on her. I understand her gender confusion, or so I thought.

    To make a long story short, there was a big explosion! She got the florist to blow my cover and now she is madder than he11.

    I'm bewildered. I thought flowers were supposed to brighten anyone's day.

    Now I'm the one who is confused.

    Orrin
    So many projects. So little time.

  • #2
    Just tell her the truth...Knowing she was under alot of stress, You were simply trying to brighten her day but remain anon. Nothing more , nothing less. If she won't listen long enough for you to tell her, send her a short note.
    Once she cools down and / or realizes her mistake, she should come around.
    if she doesn't.....at least you tried.

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    • #3
      Orrin, if she acts that badly over your good intensions, she is simply a miserable bitch. Her sexual preference does'nt really play into it at all. Tell her you're sorry and were trying to cheer her up. If she can't handle that, tell her to f___ off!

      Ed

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      • #4
        Sent by her dogs, huh? (That's pretty cute, actually.)

        Maybe it's not primarily a gender-confusion issue. Maybe she's just like me, and thinks you send people flowers only after they're dead.

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        • #5
          Sending her flowers from a dog was probably taken to mean that she is a bitch. I don't blame her for blowing up.
          Free software for calculating bolt circles and similar: Click Here

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          • #6
            I know what you mean. Some people are walking talking minefields of sensitivities. I had a Jewish feminist girlfriend. When she was in a touchy mood she could make life hell for her friends. And she's a doctor of psychology. Talk about a minefield of conflicts. You learn to handle people like this with metaphorical snake hooks. If you keep out of striking range you won't get bitten --maybe.

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            • #7
              reminds of a great come back I've been itching to use.....In holding a door open for a women, the man is attacked "DID YOU JUST DO THAT BECAUSE I'M A WOMAN?!" "On the contrary, I did it because I'm a gentleman".

              Orrin, you did something nice for someone, whether she likes flowers or not, that she reacted that way to someone attempting something kind shows what you're dealing with. her shortcoming not yours.
              .

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              • #8
                No one sends ME flowers

                the man is attacked "DID YOU JUST DO THAT BECAUSE I'M A WOMAN?!" "On the contrary, I did it because I'm a gentleman".
                Version 2:
                "DID YOU JUST DO THAT BECAUSE I'M A WOMAN?!" "No, I was checking out yer ass. Why?"

                -=-=-=-
                I sign our dogs names to my wife's presents all the time. "But honey, I didn't spend that much money on you, Bentley Whippet did!"
                Last edited by tony ennis; 02-19-2008, 09:21 PM.

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                • #9
                  Sending her flowers from a dog was probably taken to mean that she is a bitch. I don't blame her for blowing up.
                  Good point, Evan. I hadn't thought of that; but, it was not her reason for blowing up. She was mad for me embarrassing her with anonymous flowers. Besides, she loves those dogs with all her heart. The cute little doggie-themed Valentine card should have pointed a normal person's thoughts in the right direction.

                  She took this as an opportunity to vent on several other grievances. Her perceptions of recent events and conversations were so far from reality it convinced me she has more problems than her job and eldercare. So, for me this turned out to be a fortuitous event. I have turned my back on this person and I will no longer have to expend emotional energy by feeling sorry for her.

                  I tried. I've always said people create their own heaven or he11 right here on earth. This incident lent credence to my way of thinking.

                  Orrin
                  So many projects. So little time.

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                  • #10
                    Perhaps she just needs a good F*****G.

                    Say you are sorry, If that doesn't do it, Steal her girlfriend.

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                    • #11
                      You tried. What you did seems like a perfectly reasonable thing to me. I think some people love to wallow in misery...or do end up wallowing in misery as they work out life issues. It's too bad. Taking on the role of amateur therapist is not to be recommended.
                      ----------
                      Try to make a living, not a killing. -- Utah Phillips
                      Don't believe everything you know. -- Bumper sticker
                      Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. -- Will Rogers
                      There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory. - Josh Billings
                      Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
                      Don't own anything you have to feed or paint. - Hood River Blackie

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                      • #12
                        Orrin, your right, dump her as a friend. It's not worth the effort to save that friendship.
                        It's only ink and paper

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                        • #13
                          you are trying to figure out a carpet muncher?, forget it!, you should have sent her a sawzall with a carbide dildo attached, variable speed of course.
                          "four to tow, two to go"

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                          • #14
                            [Jeez folks, a little less insensitive commentary sure wouldn't be out of line. I'm sure everyone on this forum is a white male heterosexual, but still, leaving the trash talk elsewhere would sure class up the place.]

                            What makes you think the problem is that she's in a lesbian relationship?

                            Sending a woman flowers is easily misconstrued, since women get hit on a lot. (I've talked to several hetero women who felt more comfortable in lesbian bars because the women there didn't push so much). Pick something not likely to be seen as romantic, and do it openly - and better yet, get someone else to participate. If she got a card & chocolate from her dogs crediting a little help from her co-workers this prob. would have gone more smoothly.
                            Bart Smaalders
                            http://smaalders.net/barts

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                            • #15
                              When my wifes sister got married she marched down the aisle like John Wayne her husband to be glided down to his doom like Ginger Rogers, needless to say the marriage didn't last long. However they did produce a son who is a great guy he loves women and they love him so they must have done something right you never can tell.
                              MBB

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