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Completely off topic, Lighten your day.

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  • #16
    If I may be so bold as to .................... ??

    Thank you Norm, thank you, thank you. Your beneficence knows no bounds. (I am well qualified here as the quintessential "bounder").

    But I must demur and decline your kind offer of such exultation and rank beyond my station in life.

    Can your really imagine anyone less likely than me being a Minister - Geez, you'll have me a Bishop next. And how will I cope with being de-frocked?? That bloody "dog-collar" is not only uncomfortable but has other connotations for us descendants of Brit convicts!!! Further, black does not "suit" me even though the latest fashions are always described as the "new black". I really don't think that it will go at all well wit my "little black cock-(and?) tail number".

    We "ex-Navy types" are very "different" from you "ex-RAF types" (as I'm sure you have noticed).

    It was Churchill (I think) who more-or-less said to an RN Admiral or some-such who said to Churchill that "it was not in the best traditions of the Navy" to which Churchill (more or less) said that "the tradition of the Navy is sodomy and the whip". This is not true and is pure BS. As I recall it was "Rum, bum and 'baccy".

    Further, "Minister" has connotations related to Sir Humphrey Appleby, played by Nigel Hawthorne of "Yes Minister" fame (imfamy??).

    If I may make so bold as to make a suggestion.

    Why not give the "Minister" job to John Stevenson. I can see him being inducted into membership of the "Garter" (and wearing it) in York Minster (only a short toddle down the road).


    • #17
      Word spreads

      Glad a few liked it.

      Its made the BBC news now

      Steve Larner


      • #18
        Originally posted by Norman Atkinson
        Off Course(?) Ken, your in(urine) for a nighthood!
        Sir John is down to become a Liberal Peer.

        Just wait fellas, comes the Revolution, there will promotion for you revolting lot. Sir John will be Earl of Bridgeport.

        Noman, Prints of Newcastle
        Thank you kind sire Grovel, grovel, grovel and more grovel.
        Raises flat cap and pulls forelock ? what forelock ? will fore skin do ?


        Sir John , Earl of Bligeport & Sudspumpwater. MBE [ Motor Bike Engineer ] Nottingham England.


        • #19

          John S in a "flat cap"!!!

          Andy Capp - damn right!!! John to a "T"!!

          And here are Norm (Albert) and John (Harold) Steptoe - as you know and luv 'em in "Steptoe and Son". Prime candidates for the House of Lords and NOT the (just too common) House of Commons (UK Parliament). Both qualified for the peerage by looking through key-holes (you work it out from there).

          I can just about imagine the "Dirty Old Man" (Norm) and Son (John) in ermine and coronets at Court in Buck Palace!!! Toss in Phil and Chazza and you'll never see a four-some like it ever again. Spike Milligan would kill for this scenario!!


          • #20
            Completely off limits

            What, Mick, happened to Matron?

            As I live in what was a -----------------lunatic asylum( and part of it still is),
            I have always had hankering for the Sid James/Benny Hill image.

            Again, my wife and I have had that thing about the 'Italian Job'
            We still have a Mini Cooper and we actually did survive 'balancing on and then going over the cliff' in the French not the Italian Alps. Not in a Mini but in a Merc. There was a 'Beemer' nearby but they didn't make it.

            The 'kids' have forbidden us to take the car back into the Alps in winter but we do in summer.

            And yes, truth is stranger than fiction.

            I was going back to 'Albert' and the skeleton somewhere with a tin bath in closer focus. OK, most of us had tin baths- nailed to the wall of the house except for Friday nights( poo) and we had 'electric slot meters' and I had a skeleton. As poor kids in an even poorer world, we used to go to a little youth club in a private house where a kindly old man gave us a chance to let off steam on a minute billiard table and if a table tennis ball could be found in roughly one piece, a game with a perished rubber faced plywood bat.
            But Will taught us how to use his watchmakers lathe and there was a stone grave in the garden where we played clock golf around. The occupant had moved and this bronze age skeleton did live in the little cold study.
            Oddly, there was a trepanned skull as well. It was my first introduction to Health and Safety because the tiny chip in it was the obvious end of the owner.

            It didn't quite end there. My wife had a spare one. It lived and still does in a Jacobs cream cracker box. She- and she is a desert lady- left the family home with our daughter. There is now another addition or two. We now have a little 4 year old grandson-- and a heart surgeon for a son in law!

            We, that is the boss lady were tossing out( getting old) and she was doing all sorts of wonderous impersonations with false teeth and all the old stuff from her life as a dentist.

            'Steptoe'-- not half as hilarious as the Atkinson family with a bottle or three of 'ruby' wine.

            Cheers and that