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Completely off topic, Lighten your day.

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  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Completely off limits

    What, Mick, happened to Matron?

    As I live in what was a -----------------lunatic asylum( and part of it still is),
    I have always had hankering for the Sid James/Benny Hill image.

    Again, my wife and I have had that thing about the 'Italian Job'
    We still have a Mini Cooper and we actually did survive 'balancing on and then going over the cliff' in the French not the Italian Alps. Not in a Mini but in a Merc. There was a 'Beemer' nearby but they didn't make it.

    The 'kids' have forbidden us to take the car back into the Alps in winter but we do in summer.

    And yes, truth is stranger than fiction.

    I was going back to 'Albert' and the skeleton somewhere with a tin bath in closer focus. OK, most of us had tin baths- nailed to the wall of the house except for Friday nights( poo) and we had 'electric slot meters' and I had a skeleton. As poor kids in an even poorer world, we used to go to a little youth club in a private house where a kindly old man gave us a chance to let off steam on a minute billiard table and if a table tennis ball could be found in roughly one piece, a game with a perished rubber faced plywood bat.
    But Will taught us how to use his watchmakers lathe and there was a stone grave in the garden where we played clock golf around. The occupant had moved and this bronze age skeleton did live in the little cold study.
    Oddly, there was a trepanned skull as well. It was my first introduction to Health and Safety because the tiny chip in it was the obvious end of the owner.

    It didn't quite end there. My wife had a spare one. It lived and still does in a Jacobs cream cracker box. She- and she is a desert lady- left the family home with our daughter. There is now another addition or two. We now have a little 4 year old grandson-- and a heart surgeon for a son in law!

    We, that is the boss lady were tossing out( getting old) and she was doing all sorts of wonderous impersonations with false teeth and all the old stuff from her life as a dentist.

    'Steptoe'-- not half as hilarious as the Atkinson family with a bottle or three of 'ruby' wine.

    Cheers and that

    Norm

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  • oldtiffie
    replied
    Peerless!!!

    John S in a "flat cap"!!!

    Andy Capp - damn right!!! John to a "T"!!
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andy_Capp

    And here are Norm (Albert) and John (Harold) Steptoe - as you know and luv 'em in "Steptoe and Son". Prime candidates for the House of Lords and NOT the (just too common) House of Commons (UK Parliament). Both qualified for the peerage by looking through key-holes (you work it out from there).

    http://uktv.co.uk/gold/item/aid/528069

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yGSGuhAapI

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steptoe_%26_Son

    I can just about imagine the "Dirty Old Man" (Norm) and Son (John) in ermine and coronets at Court in Buck Palace!!! Toss in Phil and Chazza and you'll never see a four-some like it ever again. Spike Milligan would kill for this scenario!!

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  • John Stevenson
    replied
    Originally posted by Norman Atkinson
    Off Course(?) Ken, your in(urine) for a nighthood!
    Sir John is down to become a Liberal Peer.

    Just wait fellas, comes the Revolution, there will promotion for you revolting lot. Sir John will be Earl of Bridgeport.
    Cheers

    Noman, Prints of Newcastle
    Thank you kind sire Grovel, grovel, grovel and more grovel.
    Raises flat cap and pulls forelock ? what forelock ? will fore skin do ?

    .

    Leave a comment:


  • SDL
    replied
    Word spreads

    Glad a few liked it.

    Its made the BBC news now

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/7859422.stm

    Steve Larner

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  • oldtiffie
    replied
    If I may be so bold as to .................... ??

    Thank you Norm, thank you, thank you. Your beneficence knows no bounds. (I am well qualified here as the quintessential "bounder").

    But I must demur and decline your kind offer of such exultation and rank beyond my station in life.

    Can your really imagine anyone less likely than me being a Minister - Geez, you'll have me a Bishop next. And how will I cope with being de-frocked?? That bloody "dog-collar" is not only uncomfortable but has other connotations for us descendants of Brit convicts!!! Further, black does not "suit" me even though the latest fashions are always described as the "new black". I really don't think that it will go at all well wit my "little black cock-(and?) tail number".

    We "ex-Navy types" are very "different" from you "ex-RAF types" (as I'm sure you have noticed).

    It was Churchill (I think) who more-or-less said to an RN Admiral or some-such who said to Churchill that "it was not in the best traditions of the Navy" to which Churchill (more or less) said that "the tradition of the Navy is sodomy and the whip". This is not true and is pure BS. As I recall it was "Rum, bum and 'baccy".

    Further, "Minister" has connotations related to Sir Humphrey Appleby, played by Nigel Hawthorne of "Yes Minister" fame (imfamy??).
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special...ulltext=Search

    If I may make so bold as to make a suggestion.

    Why not give the "Minister" job to John Stevenson. I can see him being inducted into membership of the "Garter" (and wearing it) in York Minster (only a short toddle down the road).

    Leave a comment:


  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Completely Off - like the Meal

    Off Course(?) Ken, your in(urine) for a nighthood!
    Sir John is down to become a Liberal Peer.

    Just wait fellas, comes the Revolution, there will promotion for you revolting lot. Sir John will be Earl of Bridgeport. Ken will become my Swan Upper. Obviously, no longer down on his luck(?) will be my new Chamber- Lane unless he gets e-motion- ally disturbed. Mick, will become Minister for Irish and New Zealand Affairs( dirty bugger) and Alastair will become Minister of Defence because like others in the Defence Ministry, he knows bugger all about weapons.

    I'll get around to the rest of you later. Before that I'll promote Teenage Machinist to from Minister of Infancy to Minister of Adultery and hope that he doesn't make a cock up of his intended vice.

    Cheers

    Noman, Prints of Newcastle

    Leave a comment:


  • oldtiffie
    replied
    Spiked!!

    Originally posted by speedy
    I'm hearing you Norm. Does a nighthood make it difficult moving about in the wee hours??
    Norm is quite able to take the pi$$ out of himself - mostly - but I am sure that an extra hand will be appreciated. If the nighthood is a problem perhaps he needs to see one of his Jewish surgeons and have himself (as we put it in OZ) "ring-barked". But if they get a bit (yeah - THAT "bit") carried away, then Norm can be Queen (of the May??).
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Queen_of_the_May

    I can just about see Norm as Mrs. Boo-kay.

    Me? I'm his (her??) errant son-in-law - wasn't his name lazlo?? Yep, that seems right. Onya lazlo - how's it feel to be Norm's SIL? Even in his/her new role/state. If Norm is Queen you might get to be the US version of Prince Charles.

    (Oops - just remembered, Mrs. Boo-kay's SIL was "Onslo(w?)" (wasn't it?))

    Jeez, this is getting to be like a Goon script - Spike where are ya when we need ya? Oh yeah - of course, you did say you told 'em you were ill.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Sp..._St_Thomas.jpg
    The grave of Spike Milligan in the grounds of St Thomas, Winchelsea, East Sussex. The epitaph reads "Duirt mé leat go raibh mé breoite", Irish for "I told you I was ill."

    Extracted from:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spike_Milligan

    [edit] Prince of Wales
    The Prince of Wales was a noted fan, and Milligan caused a stir by calling him a "little grovelling bastard" on live television in 1994.[9] He later faxed the prince, saying "I suppose a knighthood is out of the question?" In reality he and the Prince were very close friends,[8] and he was finally made a Knight Commander of the British Empire (KBE) (honorary because of his Irish citizenship) in 2000. He had been made an Honorary Commander of the Order of the British Empire (CBE) in 1992.

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  • John Stevenson
    replied
    Originally posted by speedy
    I'm hearing you Norm. Does a nighthood make it difficult moving about in the wee hours??
    I don't seem to have that problem, many others but not that one.
    .. Kind of you to enquire though.

    .

    Leave a comment:


  • miker
    replied
    Good One!!

    Originally posted by speedy
    I'm hearing you Norm. Does a nighthood make it difficult moving about in the wee hours??
    Speedy, you bad boy!! I nearly spit my mouthful of Vegemite toast at the computer.

    Rgds

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  • speedy
    replied
    watch your step

    Originally posted by Norman Atkinson
    We have a friend like Hyacinth Bucket.
    And I seem to have a sort of cousin called Rowan Sebastian Atkinson.
    My wife had or had a sort of cousin called 'Alice in Wonderland' or correctly Alice Pleasance Liddell.
    So remotely- very remotely-----------------Big Ears is a sort of relative.
    If the worst comes to the worst- I might just be King of England or even like Prince Phillip.
    I gave up this Genealogy thing-------------and who would blame me?
    So anyone want a Nighthood? Cheep, cheep?Norm
    I'm hearing you Norm. Does a nighthood make it difficult moving about in the wee hours??

    Leave a comment:


  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Completely Off - like the Meal

    We have a friend like Hyacinth Bucket.

    And I seem to have a sort of cousin called Rowan Sebastian Atkinson.

    My wife had or had a sort of cousin called 'Alice in Wonderland' or correctly Alice Pleasance Liddell.

    So remotely- very remotely-----------------Big Ears is a sort of relative.

    If the worst comes to the worst- I might just be King of England or even like Prince Phillip.

    I gave up this Genealogy thing-------------and who would blame me?

    So anyone want a Nighthood? Cheep, cheep?

    Norm

    Leave a comment:


  • oldtiffie
    replied
    Wot a wurry

    Originally posted by SDL
    Completely off topic, Lighten your day.

    Amongst all the gloom of bank nationalisation and arguments about bearings and whatever take a few minutes to read this and see if you can resist smiling.

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/tr...nt-letter.html



    Steve Larner
    Thanks Steve for that. I had to smile at it.

    Loosen up folks - read the OP - smile and get rid of the sombre moods for a while. Forget the hard times and negativity for a while - it won't do you any harm and may well do you a lot of good.

    It could be worse - you could be Richard Branson having to sort that lot out.

    You wish.

    Oh dear - back to the grey moods just thinking about that now are we?

    Now wasn't that nice of Richard B to take all that worry and effort off your hands and mind?

    There, there, now. That's MUCH better now isn't it?

    Say "Thank you Mr. B".

    I think Norm's nailed it too - there is not a better self-publicist on the planet then RB - and he sure scored here too!!.

    Leave a comment:


  • Scishopguy
    replied
    Now Richard.....

    Oh my God!!! It's the Bucket woman again! Careful or she'll sing at you.

    I just love "Keeping up Appearances" even if they are old reruns of your shows.

    Leave a comment:


  • wierdscience
    replied
    Originally posted by John Stevenson
    Ah...so Virgin is to airlines what Hooters is to bars,good looking women that make you forget about the stale chips and flat beer?

    Leave a comment:


  • 10KPete
    replied
    It's still quite funny I think.

    Pete

    Leave a comment:

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