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The cattle rustlers---

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  • The cattle rustlers---

    For those of you who can remember back that far, 1968 was the year that home barbequeing became really popular in the city of Belleville, Ontario where I was living at the time.
    I was young and newly married, as were most of my friends, and most of us lived on cheap wine and Kraft dinner---Hell, nobody could afford beef, and the only time we got to eat it was if we showed up at our parents house for Sunday dinner, or if somebody was lucky enough to be married to a farmers daughter.
    I was living in a small town called Stirling, about 15 miles north of Belleville, and there was a really great, old, old, hotel over in Tweed, about 10 or twelve miles east of Stirling, across a bunch of old dirt sideroads. There weren’t many houses along these dirt roads, but a lot of farms backed onto them, and a lot of Hereford and Angus beef cattle were turned out to pasture there, all summer.
    I was driving ny 1960 Chev Impala that year, which doubled as my daily driver and my weekend drag car.
    I had a friend who will remane nameless (But his initials were Harry) who was a big fat fellow, (I was much smaller back in theos days), and Harry and I would occasionally spend a Saturday afternoon in the Tweedsmuir, solving the problems of the world and drinking vast quantities of draft beer.
    We had been talking about barbequed beef, and the sad state of our grocery buying abilities (somehow we still had money for beer), and Harry mentioned to me how nobody would miss a one year old calf if one happened to find its way into our respective freezers. That 60 Chev had a HUGE trunk, so Harry and I decided to steal a cow on out way home that afternoon.
    The plan was simple---We would stop by one of the herds on our way home and find a young cow and Harry would grab it, and I would hit it between the eyes with a tire iron---then into the trunk and away home quickly to butcher it!!!
    Now this sounded good in theory---but we had drunk quite a lot, and we weren’t terribly steady on our feet. We drove half way across the sideroad, and found a likely herd of young cattle, and singled out a one year old that appeared to be “about the right size”—and for the non farmers among us, a one year old cow is a damn big cow!!!
    I grabbed the tire iron out of the trunk, and Harry stealthily sneaked up behind the cow and grabbed it from behind. The rather alarmed cow stepped backwards onto Harrys foot, and Harry promptly fell backwards onto his butt, still holding the cow which was now setting in his lap, screaming “Hit it Hit it!!!” at the top of his lungs. This further alarmed the cow, which then began to sh#t---and sh#t---and sh#t !!
    Now maybe I have a perverted sense of humour, but the sight of my big fat friend, seting on his butt, covered in cow poo, with a squirming, kicking, sh#tting cow held on his lap was more than I could stand. I went into uncontrollable fits of laughter, and couldn’t have hit the damn cow if my life depended on it.
    Finally the cow was desperate enough to make its escape, giving Harry a good trampling in the process. Then, to add insult to injury I told Harry that there was no way that he was getting into my car covered in cow poop!!
    There was a good sized stream and a pond beside the road in the corner of the pasture, and I made poor Harry wade out into it with the snapping turtles and wash his hair, himself, and his clothes before I would let hin back in the car. By that time we were both beginning to sober up a little, and Harry was not overly happy about my inability to carry out my side of the beef gathering expedition.
    Eventually he got over it, and we remained friends for many years afterwards, but I have to publicly admit, I was a failure as a cattle rustler.

    Brian Rupnow---March--2009
    Brian Rupnow

  • #2
    That still sounds like it ended slightly better than the story I heard of the two chaps going to a costume party.

    They'd gotten a cow costume for the party, which of course had one guy as the front part of a cow, and the the partner bringing up the rear. Since this made for rather awkward travel they'd decided to take a shortcut through the pasture.

    About halfway across the guy in front comes to a sudden stop and says, "Uh oh".

    "What do you mean 'Uh,oh'' his partner says.

    "Well, I suddenly realized there's a big bull coming up from behind looking very interested in us."

    "How far is the fence? Can we get over the fence?"

    "I'm afraid not, that's still quite a ways off and that bull's going to be here any minute."

    Pretty panicky, the second guy says, "Well, what can we do?"

    "Okay," his chum says, "I'm going to bend over casually pretending I'm eating grass, but you better brace yourself."
    .
    "People will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time they will pick themselves up and carry on" : Winston Churchill

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    • #3
      Originally posted by brian Rupnow
      .
      The plan was simple

      Brian Rupnow---March--2009
      Many good stories start that way. I learned a long time ago, roping a cow is easy, unroping it is a whole 'nother story.

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      • #4
        Speaking of cows and BBQ's I will throw this out for your information.

        http://www.cowswithguns.com/cgi-bin/...art=1238029936

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        • #5
          Rustling is still a good way to get lead poisoning around here. This is cattle country and the ranchers are mighty protective of their herds. The Gang Ranch is just down the road from us, well this end is, the other end is just down the road from Vancouver. Owned since 1988 by Saudi Arabian sheik, Ibrahim Afandi of Jeddah, it is close to 1 million acres and runs about 4000 head. The Sheik has only seen it twice.
          Free software for calculating bolt circles and similar: Click Here

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          • #6
            A million acres and only 4000 head? Seems not cost effective.
            James Kilroy

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            • #7
              Tip for you Brian

              Just walk slowly out into the field holding a nice hanfull of grass weeds whatever you yank out of the ground. Then when the unsuspecting walking steak follows you just slowly walk towards your enclosed box trailer and have youre friend dust it in the head with a 10 pound sledgehammer, Then winch it aboard and take off, Free Food, Times are tough and i think rustling is gonna make a comeback,

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              • #8
                Originally posted by madman
                Just walk slowly out into the field holding a nice hanfull of grass weeds whatever you yank out of the ground. Then when the unsuspecting walking steak follows you just slowly walk towards your enclosed box trailer and have youre friend dust it in the head with a 10 pound sledgehammer, Then winch it aboard and take off, Free Food, Times are tough and i think rustling is gonna make a comeback,
                Times ARE tough. As a vegetarian I'm down to rustling turnips. Equivalent weight to just one cow is a heck of a lot of work, but at least they don't moo and wake the farmer and I guess I save some money on the winch.
                .
                "People will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time they will pick themselves up and carry on" : Winston Churchill

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                • #9
                  I remember when the US Army didn't pay enough for returning Viet Nam veterans to feed their family. More then 1 was of the mind set they were going to put meat on the family table push come to shove.
                  Last edited by JoeFin; 03-29-2009, 11:00 PM.

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                  • #10
                    A million acres and only 4000 head? Seems not cost effective.
                    The land around here is semi-arid. It might support one animal for every 5 or 10 acres at the best. Much of it is close to desert. Just a 1/2 hour drive to the west of here are sand dunes along the river. Williams Lake gets about 15 inches precip per year and it's a lot drier to the west.
                    Free software for calculating bolt circles and similar: Click Here

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by JoeFin
                      I remember when the US Army didn't pay enough for returning Viet Nam veterans to feed their family.
                      This is still the case; many military families end up on food stamps because wages are quite low for the young guys.

                      - Bart
                      Bart Smaalders
                      http://smaalders.net/barts

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Evan
                        Rustling is still a good way to get lead poisoning around here. This is cattle country and the ranchers are mighty protective of their herds. The Gang Ranch is just down the road from us, well this end is, the other end is just down the road from Vancouver. Owned since 1988 by Saudi Arabian sheik, Ibrahim Afandi of Jeddah, it is close to 1 million acres and runs about 4000 head. The Sheik has only seen it twice.
                        Rustlin was a good way to find the end of a rope around here.......but alas times have mellowed and the cattle mutilations thing sidetracked a few good ol boys, the best I heard of recent was some Kamloops ranchers were missin some head from time to time and waited up for a few nights, they caught the culprits and told em if they evr set foot on their soil agin they would be tied up behind the wildest cow in the herd.......end of problems, never bluff in rustler poker..

                        Evan may the breath of a 1000 nukes land on the head of a sheik that never has taken interest in a local ranchin ops.........
                        Opportunity knocks once, temptation leans on the doorbell.....

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by barts
                          This is still the case; many military families end up on food stamps because wages are quite low for the young guys.

                          - Bart
                          Then I better delete my post

                          Vets still need to feed their families and even if I don't condone the behavior, given the circumstances if I was in the same shoes......

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                          • #14
                            roping steers

                            For those who haven't tried it, roping cattle can be quite an experience.

                            Back when I raised cattle I had a yearling heiffer get out of my fence. After a few days looking for her to no avail my neighbor said he spotted her in the woods behind his place. Off we went with a cattle trailer, bucket of grain and a lariat. After tromping around in the brush we spotted her. I placed the bucket of grain on the ground and called..here bossy. She must of been hungry as she came towards us on the run..nothing to this I thought. She got close enough for me to throw the lariat at her and to my surprise the lariat landed around her neck. Then the fun started..with a bellow off she went down through the woods with me hanging on the rope for dear life. I'm not exactly a light weight..6'1" and 250# but the contest wasn't even close..she probably weighed 800# plus she had four legs to my two. Things were happening fast and I'm not sure exactly what happened but she slowed down and started heading towards me..I had enough slack in the rope to wrap it around a tree. When she hit the end of the rope down she went eyes bulging and bellering. I thought I had killed her. After a minute or two her eyes opened and she got to her feet. I kept her tied to the tree while my neighbor went home for a tractor, tied the end of the lariat to the hitch and drove her home.

                            I wouldn't even consider rustling some farmer's cattle..good way to get shot.Besides there is plenty of government beef for those who are hungry..but that is another story.

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                            • #15
                              Government Beef?

                              You mean Welfare? No thankyou I still work on stupid jobs for a Living BUT if the Government has a Cow Farm that would be OK to know

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