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Completely OT but funny

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  • Completely OT but funny

    I'm on jury duty till September and was called in 05-19-2010 for selection of 12 of us to sit on jury for a shooting. The plaintiff's lawyer asked if any of us had ever been assaulted or had a gun pointed at us.
    One juror: I was shot.
    Lawyer: You were shot?
    OJ: Yessir, 12 times.
    L: You were shot 12 times?
    OJ: Yessir.
    L: Did you go to the hospital?
    At this point I busted out laughing in the jury box and the whole courtroom broke into laughter, even the lawyer that asked the dumb question. The lawyer said "I guess that was a dumb question".
    Oh, and I was NOT selected to sit on the jury.

    Patrick

  • #2
    Mental note:

    Laughing at lawyer like he is an obvious idiot will probably get you our of jury duty.

    Check!
    James Kilroy

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    • #3
      good for you lol

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      • #4
        Was on a panel for Federal jury duty on a drug case with firearms one time, and was asked what my profession was. I answered "Gunsmith". The lawyer asked if I was an NRA member...I told him that I was proud to be a life member. He next asked how many guns I owned...took me about five minutes ticking them off on my fingers before I could give him an approximate answer. All this time he was looking at me like I was a turd stuck to his shoe. I was excused.

        David
        David Kaiser
        “You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once.”
        ― Robert A. Heinlein

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        • #5
          I used to get called until they found out that I was in the legal profession. They don't want me anymore. It's not very often that they wll permit an attorney to get onto a jury.

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          • #6
            I was called for a Superior Court case. The accused was a local scumbag, and he was being tried for weapons offences, assault, sex crimes, and kidnapping. A real pillar of the community.

            The second day of jury selection, I noticed that several people I knew were seated down by the accused, and the District Attorney. When it came my turn to stand, the Judge asked an assortment of questions about my profession, lifestyle, and so on. Finally, she motioned for the people near the front to stand, and turn around. "Do you know any of these people?" she asked.
            "Why yes...I know the Sheriff, Chief Deputy, the Sheriff's Department Captain, a score of Lieutenants, a bunch of Sergeants, several of the Deputies...which I named individually, and the accused.. The Defence Attorney turned white as a ghost, and immediately called the DA and the Judge into a brief conference.
            When the conference broke up, the Judge said,"You may go, thank you."
            I didn't even get to tell her I'm a NRA Member.
            Then, on the way home, I stopped to see if a Sheriff's Deputy friend needed help, beside the road. Turns out he had stopped to make a call on his cell phone.
            I asked him where he was headed...To Prescott, to a Grand Jury trial.
            Hmmm, I just came from there, why are you going?

            "I'm the arresting officer." he replied.
            No good deed goes unpunished.

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            • #7
              I've been on jury duty ONCE. I never expect to be called again in this county.

              The trial was a man accused of beating up his girlfriend and stealing some amount of money.

              Witnesses were lacking, it was he said, she said..... the po-lice WERE lice, they had no evidence, no pictures, no proof the woman had ever been beaten up. When pressed, they did admit that while there was stuff damaged and broken at the house, the same room contained a collection of blown glass items belonging to the complainant, not a one of which was damaged in the slightest .........

              We acquitted.

              When we retired, I essentially said, on the first polling, that under no circumstances would I agree to any verdict other than acquittal, as I had seen no proof of any sort, which clearly came under the "reasonable doubt" heading, and that furthermore, it was my considered opinion that the complainant was a damn liar. I had to do a little arguing later, but not too much.

              The prosecuting attorney asked the apparently usual questions about why we concluded what we did. I looked her in the eye and informed her that it was my understanding that putting in some evidence was customary when bringing a criminal prosecution, but that in this case the county had apparently considered that dispensable.

              Afterward, I wrote to the county prosecutor and expressed my opinion of the waste of my time, and the taxpayer's money......

              Nope, they will NOT be calling me again unless all their records disappear in another chancellery fire....
              1601

              Keep eye on ball.
              Hashim Khan

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              • #8
                I was called 3 times and each time after questioning was let go.
                It was pretty obvious the only people they wanted was old ladies that watched soaps all day.
                The next time I was called I told them that "you don't want me, I'm an educated white male."
                Haven't heard from them since.
                Guaranteed not to rust, bust, collect dust, bend, chip, crack or peel

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                • #9
                  my experience with jury duty is if you appear to have three brain cells you might be able to rub together, at least one side will consider you a menace.
                  so if you ever want to be on a jury, remember to strap on a drool cup till the proceedings begin
                  --
                  Tom C
                  ... nice weather eh?

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                  • #10
                    Wow, right to be judged by a jury of your peers huu? Wonder when that changed to: 'Right to be judged by the very carefuly hand picked and prescreened/interviewed jury of <Insert highest payed lawyer> choice.'
                    Play Brutal Nature, Black Moons free to play highly realistic voxel sandbox game.

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                    • #11
                      I've been called and excused three times, the last time I mentioned that the legal system was as dysfunctional as a guest on Jerry Springer. ( just a lay opinion of course). But that wasn't enough, the questions continued, after having ascertained that I had a few year of law enforcement experience the defense lawyer asked if I would give the same credibility to the testimony of a civilian as I would a police officer, if the testimony was different, I said no I would go with the officer. They finally excused me.

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                      • #12
                        The best I ever heard, was in a legal review of cases, where a doctor was being questioned about a death. I believe the dead persons' relatives were suing for malpractice or something and the attorney was attemping to prove the man could have been alive. He asked one doctor how he new the person was dead, and the Doctor replied, "because his brains were in a container next to the table"
                        The lawyer, in hot pursuit, then asked
                        "Isn't it possible that the person on the table was still alive in that situation?"
                        To which the doctor replyed
                        " not really....... unless he was a lawyer ! "

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Black_Moons
                          Wow, right to be judged by a jury of your peers huu? Wonder when that changed to: 'Right to be judged by the very carefuly hand picked and prescreened/interviewed jury of <Insert highest payed lawyer> choice.'

                          You've hit on the problem! That's my pincipal objection to the jury system. Nowadays there are even jury consultants who are paid to examine body language and detailed background personal information on each prospective juror. It's ridiculous.

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                          • #14
                            I'm afraid that this country no longer has a Justice system. We have a LEGAL system whose sole purpose for existing is to create more lawyers.

                            Wayne

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by xeddog
                              I'm afraid that this country no longer has a Justice system. We have a LEGAL system whose sole purpose for existing is to create more lawyers.

                              Wayne

                              Lawyer bad. Criminal good.

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