Jokes & Stories . Keep it clean'ish folks

[Weston Bye]

How to determine if you are old.

Fall down in public with bystanders. If the bystanders laugh you are young. If the bystanders panic and run to you and ask if you are OK you are old!

Some of us don't even have to fall down. Happened to me just walking to the mailbox. People stopped while driving to inquire about my health. Happened more than once.

[1-800miner]

[QUOTE=Black Forest;1158800]How to determine if you are old:



A night out is followed by a day in.

Or


You can't be bothered to pull your belly in when you meet a pretty girl.

[1-800miner]

I have a pair of lesbian neighbors, young, gorgeous, and friendly.
They heard my birthday was coming.
"SO what do you want for you birthday? " they ask.
I excitedly say " I wanna watch!"
They gave me a damn Timex

[rickhann]

I have a pair of lesbian neighbors, young, gorgeous, and friendly.
They heard my birthday was coming.
"SO what do you want for you birthday? " they ask.
I excitedly say " I wanna watch!"
They gave me a damn Timex

Too bad it wasn't a Gruen instead of a Timex!

[KJ1I]

You can't be bothered to pull your belly in when you meet a pretty girl.

You're not old, you're dead.

[Arcane]

You can't be bothered to pull your belly in when you meet a pretty girl.

Or...you leer at her and rub your belly lasciviously a couple of times then grab two big handfuls of it and shake it at her...all the while telling her in you best "Fat Bastard" voice "I'm dead sexy!"

[danlb]

You know you are getting old when it take all night to do what you used to be able to do all night.

[PStechPaul]

Almost everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work

[TGTool]

Me? I know I'm getting stronger in old age.

When I was 26 I couldn't bend it with two hands.

Now I can bend it with two fingers.

[Black Forest]

You know you are old when you move the mirrors over the bed to tbe ceiling over the dining room table!

[3 Phase Lightbulb]

I love this one. I have to try it sometime..

[danlb]

I prefer this prank. ( just for gags TV show destroys a car)

https://youtu.be/XTm4JKlPvX4

[3 Phase Lightbulb]

I like this one too and it's easy to do.

[PStechPaul]

I was in a plane some time ago where someone put a fake arm hanging from an overhead bin. The flight attendants were not amused:

https://www.stinkyface.co.uk/collections/accessories/products/fake-arm

[flylo]

True story, years ago when I bear hunted I brought the skinned paws so I used to take the companies deposit thru the bank drive thru every afternoon & knew the girls well. I put the bag & the paw in the tray & when she pulled it in I started screaming you cut my hand of. Everyone was screaming. What a blast