Jokes & Stories . Keep it clean'ish folks

[DATo]

Lipstick in School

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lip stick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would remove them, and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses). To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

EDIT: There are teachers ... and then there are educators.

[fixerdave]

Like the people in the "NO FOOD or DRINKS" computer lab, eating their picnic lunches over the keyboards. Yeah, I could yell at them. But, it works much better if I just quietly tell them that I'm pretty sure the last guy using that keyboard was picking his nose.

David...

[Dan Dubeau]

Stole this from another forum this morning. Kinda On topic

I had my leg X-rayed today.

The doctor said: 'Your patella measures 2.54cm'.

I said: 'Inch-high knees?'

He said: '您的髌骨是2.54厘米高.'

[PStechPaul]

I thought the doctor said he was going to check my high knee.

So he rolled me over and stuck a probe up my butt!

[mygrizzly1022]

Those south of the border may not catch on to this but here it goes


Prince Harry had his Bachelor Party last night in London and here is his "Quote of the Day" from that memorable event:

"It's really weird stuffing money into a stripper's G string when every bill
has a photo of your grandmother printed on it."

[bborr01]

It's OK to kiss a Nun. Just don't get into the habit.

[lynnl]

A mother-in-law goes over to visit her recently married son's new wife one afternoon. She walks in to find the young daughter-in-law sprawled out on the couch without a stitch of clothing. When asked about her nudity, the young lady says her husband insists on seeing her in her birthday suit when he gets home from work ...it makes him love her all the more.

Thinking about that on the way home, the mother-in-law decides to try it herself in hopes of spicing up her own romantic life. When her husband arrives to find her naked he says nothing. She says "I'm wearing my birthday suit just for you. What do you think of it?"
He says "I think it needs ironing.

[3 Phase Lightbulb]

When I was very young, I used to wait for the bus every day and it was very slow. Now I use switched fabrics and they are much faster.

[challenger]

When I was very young, I used to wait for the bus every day and it was very slow. Now I use switched fabrics and they are much faster.

Ha! Best joke I've ever heard. 🤥
Wtf?

Sent from my Pixel 2 using Tapatalk

[3 Phase Lightbulb]

Ha! Best joke I've ever heard. 拉
Wtf?

Sent from my Pixel 2 using Tapatalk

[Black Forest]

When I was very young, I used to wait for the bus every day and it was very slow. Now I use switched fabrics and they are much faster.

If you aren't a geek you won't get this one!

[Mark Rand]

I must be a geek then.

The knack...

[Fasttrack]

Ha! Best joke I've ever heard. ��
Wtf?

Sent from my Pixel 2 using Tapatalk

In the joke, "bus" refers to a network topology. A traditional bus system has a master and multiple nodes. They all talk to each other over one physical connection: the bus (could be base-5 Ethernet or something like RS-485 / RS-232, etc.). The trouble with this approach is that there can be "traffic jams" on the bus when lots of nodes are trying to talk. In a switched fabric system, there are multiple physical connections between devices, allowing the traffic to be spread out and improve throughput.

[Joel]

That was pretty obscure, so might as well throw out a chemistry joke I thought up the other day:

What did the unhappy soluble liquid say when it was dumped into a large beaker full of water?
I am so miscible, and… this is no solution. (a double punch line!)

[3 Phase Lightbulb]

I do both software and hardware and work with many hardware engineers. I often have to mask and disable them so they can't speak out of line or interrupt me. In fact, I only unmask them when they are needed.