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  • Wife Missing?
    The first thing a grieving husband should do.......CALL THE SHERIFF!!!

    Husband: My wife of 15 years is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!
    Sheriff: Height ?
    Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
    Sheriff: Weight ?
    Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.
    Sheriff: Color of eyes
    Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.
    Sheriff: Color of hair?
    Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.
    Sheriff: What was she wearing ?
    Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.
    Sheriff: What kind of car did she go in?
    Husband: She went in my truck.
    Sheriff: What kind of truck was it ?
    Husband: A 2016 Brilliant Diesel Grey Pearlcoat Ram Limited 4X4 with 6.4 l Hemi V8 engine ordered with the Ram Box bar and fridge option, led lighting, backup and front camera, Moose hide leather heated and cooled seats, climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, Weather Tech floor mats. Trailing package with gold hitch, sunroof, DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio, Cobra 75 WX ST 40-channel CB radio, six cup holders, 3 USB port, and 4 power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Toyo tires. It has custom retracting running boards and under-glow wheel well lighting.
    At this point the husband started choking up.

    Sheriff: “Take it easy sir, we'll find your truck!!!”
    _____________________________________________

    I would rather have tools that I never use, than not have a tool I need.
    Oregon Coast

    Comment


    • Originally posted by lugnut View Post
      Wife Missing?
      The first thing a grieving husband should do.......CALL THE SHERIFF!!!

      Husband: My wife of 15 years is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!
      Sheriff: Height ?
      Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
      Sheriff: Weight ?
      Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.
      Sheriff: Color of eyes
      Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.
      Sheriff: Color of hair?
      Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.
      Sheriff: What was she wearing ?
      Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.
      Sheriff: What kind of car did she go in?
      Husband: She went in my truck.
      Sheriff: What kind of truck was it ?
      Husband: A 2016 Brilliant Diesel Grey Pearlcoat Ram Limited 4X4 with 6.4 l Hemi V8 engine ordered with the Ram Box bar and fridge option, led lighting, backup and front camera, Moose hide leather heated and cooled seats, climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, Weather Tech floor mats. Trailing package with gold hitch, sunroof, DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio, Cobra 75 WX ST 40-channel CB radio, six cup holders, 3 USB port, and 4 power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Toyo tires. It has custom retracting running boards and under-glow wheel well lighting.
      At this point the husband started choking up.

      Sheriff: “Take it easy sir, we'll find your truck!!!”
      I don't buy it. How would he know it's been 15 years. No way. I can't even remember how old I am sometimes.

      Comment


      • Originally posted by 3 Phase Lightbulb View Post
        I don't buy it. How would he know it's been 15 years. No way. I can't even remember how old I am sometimes.
        If he's like me he remembers because of the car/truck he had when they got married.

        Comment


        • Husband: My wife of 15 years is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!

          Sheriff: 15 years? You're under arrest. Way too young, and that's about what you'll get from the judge!
          http://pauleschoen.com/pix/PM08_P76_P54.png
          Paul , P S Technology, Inc. and MrTibbs
          USA Maryland 21030

          Comment


          • Well, I have been married for 57 years and I remember what car I/we had then 1957 Dodge Custom Royal 2 door hardtop. White over yellow. W/ 325 cu.inch V-8. And push button shift.
            _____________________________________________

            I would rather have tools that I never use, than not have a tool I need.
            Oregon Coast

            Comment


            • Yep! Our 24th anniversary is coming up, I can't remember when my wife and I started seeing each other, but I remember the vehicle I had, 1980 jeep cj7, metallic green 258 six, 4spd, posi, half top and 32 inch tires on wagon wheels.
              I still have nightmares about teaching her to drive a stick.
              Funny thing is she was upset when I told her she had to go through the whole shifting routine again after every stop.
              I quit letting her drive my manuals after I figured out that she used the rear view mirror as her 'shift indicator', when things got blurry in it, it was time to shift

              Edit: She is very adept at putting vehicles in the ditch as well.

              Comment


              • Originally posted by lugnut View Post
                Well, I have been married for 57 years and I remember what car I/we had then 1957 Dodge Custom Royal 2 door hardtop. White over yellow. W/ 325 cu.inch V-8. And push button shift.
                PTSD from something like that is no laughing matter.

                Comment


                • Originally posted by kendall View Post
                  Yep! Our 24th anniversary is coming up, I can't remember when my wife and I started seeing each other, but I remember the vehicle I had, 1980 jeep cj7, metallic green 258 six, 4spd, posi, half top and 32 inch tires on wagon wheels.
                  I still have nightmares about teaching her to drive a stick.
                  Funny thing is she was upset when I told her she had to go through the whole shifting routine again after every stop.
                  I quit letting her drive my manuals after I figured out that she used the rear view mirror as her 'shift indicator', when things got blurry in it, it was time to shift

                  Edit: She is very adept at putting vehicles in the ditch as well.
                  I have an 80 CJ7 only mine has a built 360.
                  OPEN EYES, OPEN EARS, OPEN MIND

                  THINK HARDER

                  BETTER TO HAVE TOOLS YOU DON'T NEED THAN TO NEED TOOLS YOU DON'T HAVE

                  MY NAME IS BRIAN AND I AM A TOOLOHOLIC

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by 3 Phase Lightbulb View Post
                    PTSD from something like that is no laughing matter.
                    laugh on dick head, you'll never have to worry about either of those. By the way folks, I didn't make him a dick head, he done that all by him self.
                    Last edited by lugnut; 06-19-2018, 10:35 PM.
                    _____________________________________________

                    I would rather have tools that I never use, than not have a tool I need.
                    Oregon Coast

                    Comment


                    • Can't we keep ANY thread somewhat close to on topic? Please????

                      Two machinists were crossing a lake one chilly evening in a kayak. It got so cold that they lit a fire to warm their hands. The boat immediately caught fire and sank, once again proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
                      At the end of the project, there is a profound difference between spare parts and left over parts.

                      Location: SF East Bay.

                      Comment


                      • Marriage is like a game of cards, you start off with 2 hearts then a diamond and later in the game you wish for a club and a spade

                        Comment


                        • Machinist aren't perfect, we have a tolerance.
                          At the end of the project, there is a profound difference between spare parts and left over parts.

                          Location: SF East Bay.

                          Comment


                          • The main difference between an Engineer and a Machinist...

                            ---The Engineer washes his hands after using the urinal.
                            ---The Machinist doesn't pee on his hands.
                            At the end of the project, there is a profound difference between spare parts and left over parts.

                            Location: SF East Bay.

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by danlb View Post
                              The main difference between an Engineer and a Machinist...

                              ---The Engineer washes his hands after using the urinal.
                              ---The Machinist doesn't pee on his hands.
                              An old grinder hand told me several decades ago that some guys have piss hands. I asked him what he meant and he told me some guys would touch a ground piece of steel and their finger prints would rust on them. I said but why piss hands and he said it is because they piss on their hands and don't wash it off.
                              OPEN EYES, OPEN EARS, OPEN MIND

                              THINK HARDER

                              BETTER TO HAVE TOOLS YOU DON'T NEED THAN TO NEED TOOLS YOU DON'T HAVE

                              MY NAME IS BRIAN AND I AM A TOOLOHOLIC

                              Comment


                              • More story than joke... thinking of the wife and cars reminded me...

                                So, background... back in a fleeting moment when the Canadian dollar was actually worth something, I mail-ordered a set of tires out of the US for my wife's beater 4-door Neon. Except, they shipped the wrong tires. What arrived was a set of these:



                                Falken Azenis RT-615s, basically street legal racing tires... for a SOHC 4-door beater Neon. Freaking awesome actually. Never had anything handle that well in my life. Besides... too expensive to ship back, so whatever. I ran them... for a while.

                                Eventually, I wrote a review:


                                Okay, I'll come right out and say this up front, the Falken Azenis are crap. I mean, sure they stick like glue, even in the pouring rain, and are amazingly quiet. Sure, they seem to last fairly well, and the look really sexy. But, if your wife is in the habit of running over curbs, they're crap. I mean, she took out two of those cheap, piece-of-crap tires after hitting a single curb. It's like she said, she hits curbs all the time, and she's never had flat tires from them before.



                                Now, to be fair, she's never mentioned this curb-hitting habit of hers before, but it is understandable. After all, she is from Japan and things would be perfectly fine if everyone over here drove on the proper side of the road. Also, visibility was rather reduced at 11pm in the pouring rain, which, shortly after receiving the distress call, I can attest to when I drove out to pick her up in my old beater van. No, I did not hit any curbs on the way; I am not in the habit of doing such things. After the damage assessment, the rain continued as we went back to my shop and loaded up the van with various rescue tools: jack stands, floor jack, tire chalks, lights, etc., and then drove back to effect a recovery. The continued rain must have maintained its effect on visibility as there was another car parked directly behind ours, with a couple standing out the pouring rain staring at said car. Also, this car, like my wife's, had a strange rightward list. In walking up, it was apparent that it too had two flat tires. Go figure. So, being a sexist pig I guess, I asked the woman "Were you driving?"
                                She says "Yes."
                                I say "You hit the curb back there?"
                                She says "Yeah, I guess so... but I hit curbs all the time and I've never gotten a flat tire before..."
                                So...., I point to my wife's car, then I point to my wife, and say "you two should hug." The two of them, after realising they both had two flat tires, jumped up and down for joy, at their common predicament I guess, and then hugged as I suggested. Misery loves company. I guess she was running crappy tires too.

                                So, while the two of them babbled on about how there must be something wrong with the curb, I stayed busy prying off the right front hub-cap that was pinched in place by the steel wheel rim that was bent back around. That came off without too much effort, must have been all that rain lubricating things. It always seems to rain when you're fixing something on the side of the road; I guess the Maintenance Gods must enjoy the laugh. In short order, I had the car up on jack-stands and the two airless tires in the back of my van. I didn't even bother with the single space-saver spare we had. What's the point? My wife said the other woman was looking at me enviously. I told my wife that it was her that she was envious of; I was the one busting my butt pulling off wheels in the pouring rain. Just about when we were ready to leave, the tow truck arrived for the other couple. I guess they only had one spare too. Early the next morning, I woke up and spun on a couple of extra tire rubbers I had laying about, after beating the rims round again. Then, we went back to the car to mount them and get out of there before we got a parking ticket. But, I guess that's the price you pay for running crappy tires that can't handle slamming into a curb at speed.

                                There are other problems with the Falken Azenis too. Most notably, they take all the fun out of driving. In the Neon, after mounting those tires, I couldn't make the car slide - even whey trying really, really hard. Sure, they would scrub a little when flying, literally, down the local rural twisties, but not really slide. It was a real problem actually, as my tools kept slamming back and forth in the trunk. I had to put down a section of rubber truck bed matt and put extra bins in place just to keep things from moving. In general, the tires stuck so well that the limiting factor in a corner was me. I just wasn't willing to go around sharp right-hand corners fast enough to make the tires slide out in any kind of satisfying way. I mean, if I had gone any faster, my reaction time wouldn't have allowed stopping if there had been something in the way. Further to this, I'm way too chicken to drive more than, say, twice the legal limit in the city. If I were caught doing any more than that, they'd take my car and license on the spot. I kinda like driving, so I'm only willing to push it so far. But, those crappy tires take all the fun out of driving at anything approaching sane speeds. There's no effort involved; just point the wheel and go. Sure, once, I had them break loose when I didn't expect it. It was a sweeping left-hander and I was under full power, right in the meat of the power-band. Just when it popped into second, in the cold pouring rain, the front tires broke loose. I actually had to back off the gas for a split second to let them grab again. Hey, you take your fun where you can get it, right? Other than that, the only real fun you can have is by not braking until the last possible second. Man that car can stop fast with those tires. Unbelievably fast. If someone's ticked you off, it's a good way to freak them a little. Not that I'm condoning road-rage or anything.

                                Another issue with the Falken Azenis is that they make your car's lack of maintenance quite apparent. I, for one, was immediately confronted by what I'm assuming to be worn out bushings on the control arms. They pop and groan all over the place when going around corners with those crappy tires. The steering pump, as well, makes a really strange buzzing noise after particularly hard corners. I can only assume that this is due to the extreme lateral forces. All that stuff goes away within a few seconds of straight driving; it doesn't happen at all with normal tires. None of the racing magazines I've ever read mentioned anything about these kinds of issues.

                                So, I suppose if you want to go really, really fast while not putting any effort into driving, the Falken Azenis are pretty good. But, if you're like me and put off maintenance, enjoy praying to the Traction Gods while sliding around corners, and have a wife that hits curbs all the time, then these tires are crap. Be forewarned.
                                Last edited by fixerdave; 06-20-2018, 12:55 PM.
                                http://fixerdave.blogspot.com/

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