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There were two machinists and one engineer out in a small boat fishing. They were talking about how important their jobs were in the company they all worked for at the time. At one point the engineer stated that machinists thought they were all superior because they actually made things. That they had the attitude they could walk on water. After a while one machinist said he needed to go to shore for a moment. He just stepped over the side of the boat and walked on the water to shore. Then the other machinist did the same and followed him in to shore. After a short time the engineer decided he was as special and important as the machinists so he stepped over his side of the boat and immediately sank and drowned. Looking out on the scene happening before them one machinist said to the other, "We probably should have told him where the sandbar was."
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Location: The Black Forest in Germany
How to become a millionaire: Start out with 10 million and take up machining as a hobby! -
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Machinist's Wife: How was your day?
Machinist: Mostly boring.At the end of the project, there is a profound difference between spare parts and left over parts.
Location: SF East Bay.Comment
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Are you a professional?
The following small quiz consists of 4 questions. It tells whether you are qualified to be a professional. Scroll down for the answers. The questions are not that difficult.
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer is : open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. (Simple enough ?)
This question tests whether you are doing simple things in a complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator ?
Wrong Answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the refrigerator.
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out of the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your prudence.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct Answer: The Elephant
The Elephant is in the refrigerator! This tests whether you have comprehensive thinking.
OK, if you did not answer correctly the last three questions, this one may be your last chance to test your qualification to be a professional.
4. There is a crocodile infested river with no bridges. How do you manage to get across it ?
Correct Answer: Simply swim across it. All the Crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting!
I hope you got this one correct. Don't be frustrated, according to the statistics of Andersen Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals failed the exam.
But most preschoolers got it correct which disproves the theory that most "professionals" have the brains of a four year old.At the end of the project, there is a profound difference between spare parts and left over parts.
Location: SF East Bay.Comment
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There is a significant difference between the dime a dozen "professional" and a distinguished professional. Here are the correct answers for a distinguished professional:Originally posted by danlb View Post
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
Correct answer: open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator ?
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the dead giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct Answer: The Elephant is dead in the refrigerator and the dead giraffe can't attend so the question must be referring to living animals. We don't know which animal didn't attend.
4. There is a crocodile infested river with no bridges. How do you manage to get across it ?
Correct Answer: Very carefully. One of the crocodiles might not have attended the staff meeting and is still in the river.Comment
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Speaking of crocodiles, how do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
One you will see later, and the other you will see after a while......Comment
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Originally posted by Dan Dubeau View Post
I thought the difference was the spelling. One begins with an 'a' and the other a 'c'.Comment
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Or ..
Q: What do you call a guy who just goes in circles all day?
A: Chuck.
"People will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time they will pick themselves up and carry on" : Winston ChurchillComment
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Q: What do you call a guy who just goes in circles all day and can't get into his house?Originally posted by TGTool View Post
A: A Key-less ChuckComment
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Q: What do you call that guy who only works when others make him work?
A: A ToolAt the end of the project, there is a profound difference between spare parts and left over parts.
Location: SF East Bay.Comment
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Sven and Ole worked together. They were both laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Sven looked the lady in the eye and said "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic on to cotton panties." The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.
Ole goes in and sits down with the lady. She asked Ole his occupation. "Diesel fitter" he replied. Since diesel fitters was a skilled job the clerk gave Ole $600 a week.
When Sven found out he was furious. He stormed back in to find out why his friend and co-worker, Ole, was collecting double his unemployment pay. The clerk explained, "When I looked it up, panty stitchers were unskilled laborers and diesel fitters were skilled laborers." "What skill?" yelled Sven. "I sew the elastic on. He pulls on it and says, Yep, diesel fitter. "At the end of the project, there is a profound difference between spare parts and left over parts.
Location: SF East Bay.Comment
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A young blonde Brooklyn girl, down on her luck, decided to end it all one night by casting herself into the cold, dark waters of the Hudson river.
As she stood on the edge, pondering the infinite, a young sailor noticed her as he strolled by.
'You're not thinking of jumping, are you babe?' he asked.
'Yes, I am.' replied the sobbing girl.
Putting his arm around her, the kind sailor coaxed her back from the edge.
'Look, nothing's worth that. I'll tell you what; I'm sailing off for Australia tomorrow. Why don't you stow away on board and start a new life over there.
I'll set you up in one of the lifeboats on the deck, bring you food and water every night and I'll look after you, if you look after me - if you know what I mean. You just have to keep very quiet so that you won't be found'.
The girl, having no better prospects, agreed, and the sailor sneaked her on board that very night.
For the next 3 weeks the sailor came to her lifeboat every night, bringing food and water, and making love to her until dawn. Then, during the fourth week, the captain was performing a routine inspection of the ship and its lifeboats. He peeled back the cover to find the startled blonde, and demanded an explanation.
The girl came clean, 'I've stowed away to get to Australia . One of the sailors has been helping me out. He set me up in here and brings me food and water every night . . . and he's screwing me.'
The captain stared at her for a moment before he replied, 'He certainly is love. This is the Staten Island Ferry.'At the end of the project, there is a profound difference between spare parts and left over parts.
Location: SF East Bay.Comment
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There is a large pickle production facility nearby. Lots of cucumbers being grown and processed into all those lovely pickle products.
Sad story recently about one of the machine operators. He got his finger caught in the pickle slicer.
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They both got fired.
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