Jokes & Stories . Keep it clean'ish folks

[flylo]

This is a true story not a joke but it is funny now. When I broke my back & before surgery I was in the worst pain I could imagine so the gave me a TENZ unit with 4 cables & stick on pads. I had shooting pains down bothw legs so I but one pad on each thigh & one one each foot, had to turn it on the highest setting to get that far & went to sleep. I woke up in terrible pain & terror as one of the ones on my thigh was stuck fast to the tip of Mr Johnson & I was getting zapped full blast several times a second. I was screaming & my wife & son ran in as I'd just woke up it took a bit to figure out what was going on. Moral of the story is if you do this were boxers not brief underwear. Damn that hurt.

[PStechPaul]

Electrical banana? From Donovan's "Mellow Yellow"...

The song ironically was "beat out" of a number one rating by the Beach Boys' "Good Vibrations"

[Dave C]

Did the TENZ thing during PT for neck and shoulder injury. All I can say about your incident is "owee owee owee!

[brian Rupnow]

Many, many years ago I played in a little country band. We played in a hall way back in the middle of no-where, called McCarthers Mills. I was in my last year of high school, and I grew a great big beard---just because I could!!! One of the old men from that village was Uncle Dick Loney. Everybody loved uncle Dick, and I never really did know who's uncle he was. We played for 45 minutes, then took a break. Uncle Dick come up to the stage, took a close look at me, and said "I never could understand why a man would cultivate on his face something that grows wild on his arse!!" Everybody fell down laughing. ---Brian

[Arcane]

[MrWhoopee]

This is a true story not a joke but it is funny now. When I broke my back & before surgery I was in the worst pain I could imagine so the gave me a TENZ unit with 4 cables & stick on pads. I had shooting pains down bothw legs so I but one pad on each thigh & one one each foot, had to turn it on the highest setting to get that far & went to sleep. I woke up in terrible pain & terror as one of the ones on my thigh was stuck fast to the tip of Mr Johnson & I was getting zapped full blast several times a second. I was screaming & my wife & son ran in as I'd just woke up it took a bit to figure out what was going on. Moral of the story is if you do this were boxers not brief underwear. Damn that hurt.

You do know that some people do that sort of thing intentionally. So I've heard.

[nickel-city-fab]

Nice thing about being by myself is I can fart in bed and nobody cares

[nickel-city-fab]

everybody got quiet after that last one

[flylo]

My brother told me to pull the covers over our heads on my bride & I wedding night & rip a huge fart. Didn't go quit as expected. Women have no sense of good humor.

[danlb]

Brides are funny that way.

John was disconsolate the day after the wedding. He confided to his buddy as they sat in the bar nursing a drink.

"I feel terrible Mike. Last night, after making love I dropped $50 on the nightstand as I headed to the bathroom. Out of habit, you know? I feel terrible about it."

Mike was reassuring. "Don't worry. She'll get over it pretty quick".

"Get over it?" John replied. "She left me $20 change!"

[mattthemuppet]

Nice thing about being by myself is I can fart in bed and nobody cares

when my now wife first came to the UK she was terribly cold so used to sleep under the covers. More than once I woke her up wide eyed and gasping by farting. I thought it was hilarious. Even more hilarious is that she's still married to me

[nickel-city-fab]

when my now wife first came to the UK she was terribly cold so used to sleep under the covers. More than once I woke her up wide eyed and gasping by farting. I thought it was hilarious. Even more hilarious is that she's still married to me

Keep her

[mattthemuppet]

17 year anniversary coming up in a few weeks. We also sleep under separate covers, so that's that probelm solved!

[danlb]

[kendall]

when my now wife first came to the UK she was terribly cold so used to sleep under the covers. More than once I woke her up wide eyed and gasping by farting. I thought it was hilarious. Even more hilarious is that she's still married to me

My wife cut loose with a fart one night that was so bad it woke me up from a dead sleep and had my dog scratching at the bedroom door to get out, not his typical 'polite' scratch to get out, but up on his back legs scratching with both paws and whining.
So bad, middle of January and I had the windows half open for the rest of the night.