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  • Originally posted by Tungsten dipper View Post
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      • Found on a Facebook post:
        TOOLS EXPLAINED


        DRILL PRESS : A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.


        WIRE WHEEL : Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh*t'


        DROP SAW : A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.


        PLIERS : Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.


        BELT SANDER : An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.


        HACKSAW : One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.


        VISE-GRIPS : Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.


        OXYACETYLENE TORCH : Used almost entirely for lighting on fire various flammable objects in your shop. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..


        TABLE SAW : A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.


        HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK : Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.


        BAND SAW : A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.


        TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST : A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.


        PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER : Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.


        STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER : A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.


        PRY BAR : A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.


        HOSE CUTTER : A tool used to make hoses too short.


        HAMMER : Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.


        UTILITY KNIFE : Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.


        ADJUSTABLE WRENCH: aka "Another hammer", aka "the Swedish Nut Lathe", aka "Crescent Wrench". Commonly used as a one size fits all wrench, usually results in rounding off nut heads before the use of pliers. Will randomly adjust size between bolts, resulting in busted buckles, curse words, and multiple threats to any inanimate objects within the immediate vicinity.


        Son of a bitch TOOL : Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a b*tch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
        http://pauleschoen.com/pix/PM08_P76_P54.png
        Paul , P S Technology, Inc. and MrTibbs
        USA Maryland 21030

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        • I discovered that answering the door naked helps deter trick or treaters.



          Oh, here we go again, here's two dressed as Policemen.
          Location: Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada

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          • What do you get if you grab a ghost by the ass, a hand full of sheet.

            Jon
            SW Mi

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            • Chinese proverb no2: Man going through airline turnstile sideways going to Bankok.

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              • Chinese proverb no3: Woman who fly upside down sure to have crack up.

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                • I get it, you hated him 4 years ago and you still hate him now. I've seen a lot of hate thrown his way, but this guy is a consistent winner and is an overachiever. Call it jealously Call it envy. Some people just can't handle how successful he is and how much money he has. You could even be jealous that he's got a hot foreign model as his wife. That's what the people who support him love about him. Yes there have been some scandals. Yes there have been some lies and maybe a few times he's twisted the truth to make himself look better. He's out there every day proving those haters wrong time after time. You may not have wanted him in this role but he's there now and there is nothing you or I can do about it. I know its possibly going to get worse over the next several days. I know I'm going to lose some friends because of this post. However like him or not, Tom Brady is turning things around in Tampa Bay.
                  _____________________________________________

                  I would rather have tools that I never use, than not have a tool I need.
                  Oregon Coast

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by lugnut View Post
                    I get it, you hated him 4 years ago and you still hate him now. I've seen a lot of hate thrown his way, but this guy is a consistent winner and is an overachiever. Call it jealously Call it envy. Some people just can't handle how successful he is and how much money he has. You could even be jealous that he's got a hot foreign model as his wife. That's what the people who support him love about him. Yes there have been some scandals. Yes there have been some lies and maybe a few times he's twisted the truth to make himself look better. He's out there every day proving those haters wrong time after time. You may not have wanted him in this role but he's there now and there is nothing you or I can do about it. I know its possibly going to get worse over the next several days. I know I'm going to lose some friends because of this post. However like him or not, Tom Brady is turning things around in Tampa Bay.
                    ????????????????

                    lugnut, did you perhaps mean to post that somewhere else? Like.... maybe a different forum. (...since there doesn't even seem to be a football, or NFL thread on-going here.)
                    Lynn (Huntsville, AL)

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by lynnl View Post

                      ????????????????

                      lugnut, did you perhaps mean to post that somewhere else? Like.... maybe a different forum. (...since there doesn't even seem to be a football, or NFL thread on-going here.)
                      It's a joke! And a good one, thanks.

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by Bob Engelhardt View Post

                        It's a joke! And a good one, thanks.
                        Or is it a joker who wants to change the rules to rule the world?
                        Helder Ferreira
                        Setubal, Portugal

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                        • lugnut, that joke is brilliant!

                          I wonder how many people didn't read all the way to the end?
                          Location: Northern WI

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                          • Aren't you supposed to call doctor if you election lasts this long?
                            Location: Helsinki, Finland, Europe

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                            • I "wood", but he charges a "stiff fee"!
                              http://pauleschoen.com/pix/PM08_P76_P54.png
                              Paul , P S Technology, Inc. and MrTibbs
                              USA Maryland 21030

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                              • Originally posted by Noitoen View Post

                                Or is it a joker who wants to change the rules to rule the world?

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