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  • More from my HS friends:

    Maybe:

    These are actual comments made by Georgia State Troopers that were taken off their car videos:
    1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
    2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
    3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite)
    4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
    5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that will be chasing you." (LOVE IT)
    6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
    7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
    8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
    9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
    10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
    11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
    12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )
    13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
    14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
    15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
    AND THE WINNER IS....
    16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."






    Paul A.
    Golden Triangle, SE Texas

    And if you look REAL close at an analog signal,
    You will find that it has discrete steps.

    Comment


    • These arrived in my inbox yesterday. I particularly like the fourth, but they all seem to be worth sharing.


      The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless.

      Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision.

      “The starting pay is $40,000. Later it can go up to $80,000.” "Great. I’ll start later.”

      Trust science. Studies show that if your parents didn’t have children there’s a high probability you won’t either.

      When the pool re-opens, due to social distancing rules, there will be no water in lanes 1, 3, and 5.

      Tip: Save business cards of people you don’t like. If you ever hit a parked car accidentally, just write “Sorry” on the back and leave it on the windshield

      When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children, just like the bottle says.

      Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, but no atmosphere.

      If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I’m self-employed. We’re having a meeting.

      “Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo".

      I hate it when I can’t figure out how to operate the iPad and my tech support guy is asleep. He’s 5 and it’s past his bedtime. Today’s 3 year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud.

      Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she’s mowing the lawn.



      Comment


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        They were funny in my shop!
        Last edited by Paul Alciatore; 01-01-2023, 10:26 PM.
        Paul A.
        Golden Triangle, SE Texas

        And if you look REAL close at an analog signal,
        You will find that it has discrete steps.

        Comment


        • Everyone has value.
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          Location: The Black Forest in Germany

          How to become a millionaire: Start out with 10 million and take up machining as a hobby!

          Comment


          • Many pages of good stuff here. You may need to sign up to see images:

            Post your funny images, videos, jokes and riddles to do with mowers, lawn equipment and lawn care in general. :laughing::laughing::laughing: I will start the thread off with a few. Hedge Trimmer
            http://pauleschoen.com/pix/PM08_P76_P54.png
            Paul , P S Technology, Inc. and MrTibbs
            USA Maryland 21030

            Comment


            • Tire Shop Advisor to Customer:

              "I'm sorry, but due to a slight mishap, we won't be able to install your new tires today."

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              Paul A.
              Golden Triangle, SE Texas

              And if you look REAL close at an analog signal,
              You will find that it has discrete steps.

              Comment


              • [QUOTE=Paul Alciatore;n2045076]Tire Shop Advisor to Customer:

                "I'm sorry, but due to a slight mishap, we won't be able to install your new tires today."


                This would hit really close to home for my friend, John!! He had to advise a customer "The repair to your car was successful, however the vehicle was involved in a serious accident, and is doubtless a total loss. The good news is that I'm not seriously injured!
                I cut it off twice; it's still too short
                Oregon, USA

                Comment


                • I laughed so hard I had to find a throat lozenge.



                  Originally posted by kendall View Post

                  My wife cut loose with a fart one night that was so bad it woke me up from a dead sleep and had my dog scratching at the bedroom door to get out, not his typical 'polite' scratch to get out, but up on his back legs scratching with both paws and whining.
                  So bad, middle of January and I had the windows half open for the rest of the night.
                  Paul A.
                  Golden Triangle, SE Texas

                  And if you look REAL close at an analog signal,
                  You will find that it has discrete steps.

                  Comment


                  • What's the difference between a Pakistani middle school and an Isis terrorist camp?

                    I don't know, I just fly the drone

                    Comment


                    • On the vegans, they do have their uses. Come the zombie apocalypse and we all turn into cannibals, they'll be a good substitute for grass-fed meat.

                      Ian
                      All of the gear, no idea...

                      Comment


                      • Captain James T. Kirk to Mr. Spock, "what do we know about the inhabitants of this planet?" Mr. Spock to Kirk, " That are not vegans". Kirk, "How do you know that?" Spock, " We have been here five minutes and they haven't told us they are vegans five times."
                        Location: The Black Forest in Germany

                        How to become a millionaire: Start out with 10 million and take up machining as a hobby!

                        Comment


                        • Old thread, but it is in the favorites list so I guess it is OK to post here.

                          I found this in my high school group's site. They learn young now-a-days.

                          I like #8, Kelvin. Second and third places to Alan, Home and Lynnette, Uncategorized Groups Honorable mention to Ricky, Albums Any way, that's how I see em.


                          Wisdom from the young about marriage:

                          1. You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
                          Alan, age 10

                          -No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.

                          -- Kristen, age 10


                          2 . WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

                          Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then..

                          -- Camille, age 10


                          3 . HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

                          You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.

                          -- Derrick, age 9


                          4 . WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

                          Both don't want any more kids. -- Lori, age 8


                          5 . WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

                          -Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.

                          -- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure?)

                          - On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.

                          -- Martin, age 10


                          6 . WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

                          -When they're rich.

                          -- Pam, age 7 (Love her)

                          -The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.

                          - Curt, age 7

                          -The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.

                          - - Howard, age 8


                          7 . IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

                          It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.

                          -- Anita, age 9 (bless you child )


                          8 . HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

                          There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? - Kelvin, age 8


                          9 . HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

                          Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.

                          - Ricky, age 9
                          Paul A.
                          Golden Triangle, SE Texas

                          And if you look REAL close at an analog signal,
                          You will find that it has discrete steps.

                          Comment


                          • What is the difference between BMW's and porcupines?


                            Porcupines have the pricks on the outside!
                            Location: The Black Forest in Germany

                            How to become a millionaire: Start out with 10 million and take up machining as a hobby!

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by Black Forest View Post
                              What is the difference between BMW's and porcupines?


                              Porcupines have the pricks on the outside!
                              In South Africa we use to call them "Blikkie Met Wiele"
                              Helder Ferreira
                              Setubal, Portugal

                              Comment


                              • A friend sent me this little bit of Mongolian humor:

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                                Lynn (Huntsville, AL)

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