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Jokes & Stories . Keep it clean'ish folks

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  • chipmaker4130
    replied
    When a woman says 'what?' Its not that she didn't hear you, she's just giving you a chance to change what you said!

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  • Black Forest
    replied
    Click image for larger version

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  • Black Forest
    replied
    Click image for larger version

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  • nickel-city-fab
    replied
    The problem with HF is they just don't make them like they used to. Nowadays they go all cheap.

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  • PStechPaul
    replied
    Dog playing computer games gets frustrated:

    https://twitter.com/AudreyStJames1/s...47503109791747

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  • mickeyf
    replied
    Click image for larger version

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  • Black Forest
    replied
    I was going to post this as a new thread because it is not really a joke but true. There is a seniors GPS app available that not only tells you how to get to your destination but also reminds you why you wanted to go there! So true.

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  • Cheap Jon
    replied
    Do you know the difference between a pregnant women and a lite bulb.

    You can unscrew a lite bulb.

    Jon
    SW Mi

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  • challenger
    replied
    At 6 every morning I take a good #1. At 7 every morning I take a good #2. It sucks getting old. I don't get out of bed until 8 🙁

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  • Willy
    replied
    Buddy has some medical issues and goes to see the doc for an exam. The doc gives him a good going over and is pretty confident in his diagnosis so he prescribes some medication for buddy and tells him to come back for a follow-up in six weeks.
    As he hands buddy the prescription he mentions that these are suppositories and asks if he's okay with that.

    Well buddy didn't want to look stupid so tells the doc yeah, yeah, I don't care one way or the other what they are as long as they work.

    Six weeks go by and buddy is back at the doc's office. The doc asks how everything is going and if his condition has cleared up.

    Buddy seems a little agitated in his reply.
    Well doc nothing has changed, for all the good those pills did I may as well have shoved them up my ass!

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  • lugnut
    replied
    You may only view thumbnails in this gallery. This gallery has 1 photos.

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  • PStechPaul
    replied
    From Quora:
    A couple years back, a Canadian was taking in the sights in El Paso. Strolling passed a bar he noticed a sign that read, “If you can make my horse laugh, you run a free tab for the night.”

    He walks into the bar and announced that he would like to take a shot at making the horse laugh. The entire bar suddenly fell silent, then burst into loud laughter. The bartender broke out into a smirky smile and hooked a thumb, pointing through the door behind him.

    The Canadian made his way back and a few minutes later the crowd fell silent again as they heard the unmistakable sound of a horse making uncontrollable nickering sounds. The Canadian returned a minute later and the bartender grudgingly pulled out a bottle and a glass.

    A week later, the Canadian was at ends on his last night and decided to revisit the bar. To his surprise, the sign in the window now read, “If you can make my horse cry, you run a free tab for the night.”

    Again he announced that he would like to take up the challenge, and again he was greeted by hoots and laughter. The bartender hesitated, but then nodded that the Canadian could proceed.

    Only a few minutes later, a hush fell over the crowd as the weird but unmistakable sound of a horse sobbing emanated from the rear of the building.

    When the Canadian appeared, he was met by the bartenders steely gaze and there was a shotgun laying openly on the counter.

    “What have you been doing to my horse?” asked the barkeep in a gravelly voice.

    The Canadian looked around sheepishly and shrugged slightly.

    “Out with it” demanded the barkeep. “Last week my horse could barely breathe with its nickering, and tonight it sounds terrible.” His hands dropped to the gun before him.

    “Okay, okay, I’ll tell you” said the Canadian helplessly.

    “Last week, to make the horse laugh, I just gave the horse a pat on the neck and whispered in its ear. I said ‘Mine is bigger than yours’” and the horse just started making those sounds. “

    The bartender rolled his eyes and asked, “And tonight?”

    "Well, tonight I showed him.”

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  • lugnut
    replied

    Brad lived in California and was a lifelong environmentalist. He was sick
    of the world; of Covid-19, Brexit, Russian belligerence, global warming,
    election fraud, and the rest of the disturbing stories that occupy media
    headlines

    Brad drove his car into his garage and then sealed every doorway and
    window as best he could. He got back into his car and wound down all the
    windows, selected his favorite radio station, started the car and revved
    it to a slow idle.




    Four days later, a worried neighbor peered through his
    garage window and saw him in the car. She notified the emergency services
    and they broke in, pulling Brad from the car.

    A little sip of water and, surprisingly, he was in perfect condition,

    But his Tesla had a dead battery.

    Leave a comment:


  • crusty
    replied
    Originally posted by lynnl View Post
    Paul,
    I liked it. But I could never understand that "second day" ..." ---(something?)--- complaining ..."

    Regardless, She has a really nice singing voice.
    two "Karens" complaining😁

    Leave a comment:


  • lynnl
    replied
    Paul,
    I liked it. But I could never understand that "second day" ..." ---(something?)--- complaining ..."

    Regardless, She has a really nice singing voice.

    Leave a comment:

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