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I heard a new one today

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  • I heard a new one today

    Today we had to air hammer some concrete with a lot of rebar in it.

    The bits were constantly wedging under the rebar.

    My helper gets frustrated,throws the hammer down and yells
    "This is worse than skinning a bowling ball with a potato peeler"

    I laughed so much we had to take a break.

  • #2
    When I was in my early 20's I got a jackhammer wedged behind a rebar with my back against a wall. The rebar turned the hammer and pushed the handles into my abdomen pinning my fingers around the trigger with the trigger full on and just kept driving it in getting tighter and tighter into my gut until my workmate spotted it and shut the air off.

    I never got caught out like that again.
    Peter - novice home machinist, modern motorcycle enthusiast.

    Denford Viceroy 280 Synchro (11 x 24)
    Herbert 0V adapted to R8 by 'Sir John'.
    Monarch 10EE 1942

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    • #3
      A freind of mine with a welding/fab/repair shop has a saying i've heard a few times when he gets a job in that is horribly worn:

      Damned thing was worn thinner than a mosquitoes bag!!

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      • #4
        Two that I've always loved are from the old cartoon strip "Pogo"
        "If brains were shoes I'd be barefoot all the way to my knees"

        "If stupidity were music he'd be a brass band"

        And then there's one from an old record album, I can't recall the title.

        "That's slicker 'n deer guts on a door knob".

        Lets hear some more guys!

        Planeman

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        • #5
          "If brains were dynamite he wouldn't have enough to blow his nose"
          I just need one more tool,just one!

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          • #6
            "If BS was airplanes this place would be Logan Airport".

            Use your own local high-volume mode and transportation center.

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            • #7
              One that used to go around was "Slicker than snot on a glass doorknob."

              I had a friend with a certain genius for turns of phrase. I've heard him singing snatches of songs like "In the morning when we writhe". He'd explain something he wanted me to do for him and often had a notion of how to do it. He'd preface his dissertation on HOW by saying, "I'm not trying to tell you how to f**k your goat, but ..." and off he'd go.
              .
              "People will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time they will pick themselves up and carry on" : Winston Churchill

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              • #8
                Slicker than snot on a Roosters beak!

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                • #9
                  < "Slicker than snot on a glass doorknob." >

                  That was the one I grew up hearing from dad etc.
                  ...Lew...

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                  • #10
                    "Darker than a stack of black cats."
                    Salem, Oregon

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                    • #11
                      Shakes worse than a dog s**tting razorblades.
                      Mike

                      My Dad always said, "If you want people to do things for you on the farm, you have to buy a machine they can sit on that does most of the work."

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                      • #12
                        I've been saying "Subtle as a hand grenade in a vat of oatmeal" my whole life.

                        Saw this a couple months ago and realized how much of my childhood comes from him.
                        ----
                        Proud machining permanoob since September 2010

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                        • #13
                          If B.S. was music, that guy would be a brass band.

                          Brian
                          OPEN EYES, OPEN EARS, OPEN MIND

                          THINK HARDER

                          BETTER TO HAVE TOOLS YOU DON'T NEED THAN TO NEED TOOLS YOU DON'T HAVE

                          MY NAME IS BRIAN AND I AM A TOOLOHOLIC

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                          • #14
                            Raining like a cow pi$$ing on a flat rock.

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                            • #15
                              It's hotter than a wh_rehouse on dollar day.

                              Along the same lines:

                              Sweating like a wh_re in church with a bunch of paying customers waiting outside.
                              "The truth is incontrovertible, malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end; there it is." Winston Churchill

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