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OT - What Not to Say

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  • OT - What Not to Say

    My local Sunday comics has a comic strip called Drabble, which I usually find only moderately funny. But today's was hilarious.

    The wife comes home and walks in the front door; the husband says "Hi Honeybunch, where've you been?"
    The wife says "I went to the beauty shop."

    He looks at her for a moment, then says "What happened? Couldn't they take you?"

    Then it cuts away to him making his bed on the couch.

    I've been laughing at that all morning.

  • #2
    The worst I say to my wife is "You're the answer to my prayer, but not what I prayed for." Nonetheless, we've been married almost 43 years.
    Weston Bye - Author, The Mechatronist column, Digital Machinist magazine
    ~Practitioner of the Electromechanical Arts~

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    • #3
      I tell my wife that she is everything I ever wanted in a woman and more!

      About 20lbs. more!
      How to become a millionaire: Start out with 10 million and take up machining as a hobby!

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      • #4
        I established from day one that you don't ask me a question unless you want the truth. We are still married after almost 42 years.
        Free software for calculating bolt circles and similar: Click Here

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        • #5
          Kinda like the question "Do these pants make me look fat?"

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Dr Stan
            Kinda like the question "Do these pants make me look fat?"
            No dear, its your ass that makes you look fat
            Ernie (VE7ERN)

            May the wind be always at your back

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            • #7
              Before my wife and I were married we spent a lot of time with each other doing the whole dinner with each others family thing. Got to know her relatives pretty well.
              One day she was pointing out different people in photographs and pointed at one and said it was her aunt, and like a total moron, I said ' Really that's her? she used to be pretty'
              I never did get along with her aunt after that.

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              • #8
                Scene from my adolescence; me a fly on the wall.

                Dad comes home from work - usual greetings.

                Mom primps hair ostentaciously.

                Dad: "Been to the beauty shop?"

                More primping.

                "Get your money back?"

                Glare followed by spluttering laugh.

                Good thing for Dad Mom had a great sense of humor

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                • #9
                  Was married about 6 months & my new bride & I ran into an older gal I hadn't seen for a while & introduced my wife & the gal said I didn't know you were married you don't act married. Dead silence as I hadn't seen her for over a year & we'd been married a few months, then she started back peddling. I still have no idea why she said that.
                  "Let me recommend the best medicine in the
                  world: a long journey, at a mild season, through a pleasant
                  country, in easy stages."
                  ~ James Madison

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by dockrat
                    No dear, its your ass that makes you look fat
                    Hope you got the couch made up.

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                    • #11
                      On the topic of marital discord, a friend of mine jokes about needing a TV in the dog house.

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                      • #12
                        This is why some guys garages look like this:

                        Andy

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                        • #13
                          Once when my wife was almost ready to drop a son we were out to dinner. The kinda shy waitress asked when was she do. With a straight face & acting a little annoyed I said she's not pregnant & I thought the waitress was going to die. I finally cracked a smile & let her off the hook & left her a nice tip, You guys (and my wife) are right I do suck!
                          "Let me recommend the best medicine in the
                          world: a long journey, at a mild season, through a pleasant
                          country, in easy stages."
                          ~ James Madison

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                          • #14
                            We had company over one night and I broke wind. My wife says, "What's wrong with your voice? Not that I'm complaining, your breath smells better". I try real hard not to break wind now when company is around but that has it's problems too. I squeeze my cheeks so hard it comes out as high E, nearly in dog range.
                            - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
                            Thank you to our families of soldiers, many of whom have given so much more then the rest of us for the Freedom we enjoy.

                            It is true, there is nothing free about freedom, don't be so quick to give it away.

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                            • #15
                              This has nothing to do with saying anything but it still a blast. I bear hunt & a gal where i worked did also & had a skinned bear paw. I went thru the drive thru to make the company deposit & when the teller push out the drawer I fropped in the skinned paw. When she pulled it back in I screamed my hand I pulled my hand into the truck acting like my hand was cut off. She freaked. By then I could not control myself it was so funny. Good thing I knew her, it was a small town & she had a sence of humor. We had a blast with that thing like pulling your hand up your sleeve while holding it out to shake hands. I ought to market them. Haveahand.com. I'll be rich! Only the state won't let you sell parts. Many thousands of valuable gallbladders go to waste every year.
                              "Let me recommend the best medicine in the
                              world: a long journey, at a mild season, through a pleasant
                              country, in easy stages."
                              ~ James Madison

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